The Badger Game

....

...

... Fuck.

He broke up with me. Out of the blue.

No reason, just nice knowing you,

have a nice fucking life.

I spent a week trying to get a hold of him...

... and eventually I found out where the prick lived.

You were dating him for six months and you...

...didn't know where he lived?

And now I know why-- he's married with two kids...

...in Calabasas.

Not only that, he's been fucking other women,

besides me, besides his wife.

- Does she know? - She doesn't have a clue.

- How do you know? - Because I know.

She's raises the kids. He brings home the bacon.

Very 'Patty Duke' type.

That really sucks, Alex, I'm sorry,

but what does this have anything to do with me?

Which leads me to my plan.

So you gonna tell her?

Not exactly. - What, are you gonna kill him?

I'm gonna blackmail him.

Like, for money?

Yeah, money. He's loaded.

He works at some big time ad agency...

... owned by 'Patty Duke's' father.

She finds out, he finds out,

bye-bye posh lifestyle, hello alimony.

You know, that is big time illegal.

I'm not just blackmailing anyone.

I let him fuck me in the ass.

Seriously? Come on.

And besides, he makes steady income.

He'll make what we take in a year.

We? Who is 'we'?

You know-- (scoffs).

I knew that there must be some fucked-up reason...

...why you called me over here.

Shelly, you are the only person I trust.

That's real sweet, Alex...

...but I don't trust you.

Shelly... - And actually.

I'm not that surprised...

...that you didn't have anybody else to call.

I just-- I find it sort of ironic...

...that you would call me considering you fucked...

...my boyfriend.

You're not still mad about that are you?

It's not like you two were getting married or anything.

You know, honestly, Alex, I came over here...

...because I thought you might be ready to apologize.

Okay...

... I don't even remember his name.

It's Kevin. Kevin.

Fine. I'm sorry I fucked Kevin.

I did you a favor by the way.

Not a whole lot going on down there.

You know, that is the shitty apology I've ever heard.

This is more than...

...an apology, Shelly.

I know that you and your daughter live in Shanty Town.

What?

You don't think I know what my best friend's been up to?

Ex-best friend, okay?

And it's not called 'Shanty Town' anymore.

Shelly, it's called Shanty Town.

That's what we called it when we were kids.

That's what it's called now.

Just 'cause you live there doesn't change the fact...

... that it's called Shanty Town.

We're doing just fine.

We might not have a hacienda like you here,

but, you know, we're getting by.

Don't you want more than to just get by?

It's not like I'm asking you to rob a bank.

No, but you might as well be.

I'm pretty sure the prison term's the exact same...

... - for blackmailing. - Man: And kidnapping.

Don't forget the kidnapping part.

Kidnapping?

Just to insure that he doesn't go to the cops...

...or try something clever.

Liam's pretty resourceful. Kip, can you put on a shirt?

You remember my brother, right?

This is Shelly.

- Kip: Val High? - Yeah.

Did we fuck?

Um, no, but thank you for asking.

Mm, that's a shame. She the bait?

- Bait?. - Don't call her that.

What the fuck do you want me to call her?

Call her Shelly.

Okay, you can call me 'offended,'

and you can call me 'leaving.'

And after I walk out that door, Alex, don't ever call me again.

Two million dollars.

That's what he's got.

I know all of his hot spots.

The idea is for you to simply show up at one of them...

...and flirt with him, that's all.

Well, how-- how do we even know that I'm his type?

Because you'll be wearing that.

He's got this thing for polka dots.

Don't ask me why.

Maybe he's got a Minnie Mouse fetish...

...or something.

You'll definitely catch his eye.

And then what?

And then you stir up some conversation...

... - About what? - Uh, whatever.

- TV, sports, movies... - Kip: Sex.

and then you invite him out to your car,

where Kip will be waiting with the...

...- ( door opens ) - Jane: Chinese food's here.

Finally.

Sorry, it took for-fucking-ever.

What's the point of calling in an order...

...if it takes 20 minutes to get your fucking food?

- Is this the bait? - Uh-huh.

Shelly, this is Jane. Jane, this is Shelly.

- Hey. - Nice to meet you.

Oh, sorry, my hands a bit sticky.

I got fucking duck sauce and soy sauce shit all over it.

Uh, yeah, Jane is another girl Liam's sleeping with.

I went to her work to bitch her out, um...

...- we kind of became friends. - Hoes before bros.

Are you hungry?

Uh, no, I'm cool. Thank you.

You're a good friend for doing this.

Alex says you two go way back in high school.

- Alex: She's not in yet. - Well, it's not like that.

- It's just like a lot-- - It's okay, it's okay.

I wasn't into at first.

But this guy is a manipulative,

narcissistic, sociopath, and I've met all kinds.

Well, if he's so terrible, then why were you dating him...

...in the first place?

Kip: Can't you tell...

...by looking at her?

She makes poor life choices.

All right, if I make poor life choices,

I would've slept with you.

There's two types of guys in this world, Shelly.

There's the type that seem like assholes...

...and then turn out to be all right.

And then there's the type that seem all right...

...and then turn out to be total fucking assholes.

Liam being the latter of course.

Uh... how much would I stand to make?

Four-way split. Half a mil each.

Not a bad day's work.

All right, I'm in.

Shelly, thank you so much. Thank you.

All right, this does not mean that we're friends.

And also, I still think that you're a big bitch.

That's fine.

You won't regret it, though.

I hope not.

Man, they fucking forgot my lo mein.

All right, Kip, let's get this over with,

since we're all here.

Oh, yeah. ...

... Shelly: Wait, what are you guys doing?

We need to know how long Liam will be out...

...since we need to transport him from A to point B.

We need to figure out the exact amount of...

...chloroform to give him.

Um, how much was it last time?

Kip: 12 minutes.

Well, okay, that's just not enough.

So... the goal will be 20.

We don't want him waking up during the trip.

Jesus Christ.

You did that like three times.

What, is the goal to fucking kill me?

Okay, we also don't want to give him a fatal dosage either.

Kip: That's good.

- You ready? - Yeah.

Just don't let me hit my head again.

Okay.

See you soon.

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...

... How was that?

Nailed it.

Certainly made me want to come.

Charming, Liam, very charming.

Come on in. I need to get your 'Jen Hancock'.

Just like reading Shakespeare.