Jane the Virgin

Hey, you guys. Welcome back.

When Jane was young, her grandmother

taught her to protect her flower.

...when you lose your virginity.

You can never go back.

And so Jane waited, which wasn't always easy.

This was Jane's fiancé, Michael. He's a detective.

Their life was perfectly on track until...

There you are, Dr. Alver.

You have an insemination in 7 and a Pap in 8.

I got it. She does not got it.

You ready for your insemination? Hi. Yes.

I artificially inseminated the wrong woman.

And the father-to-be? Rafael Solano,

the rich owner of the Marbella Hotel.

See, Rafael had cancer,

so it was his very last sperm sample.

Or so he thought.

Well, guess what happened.

Jane and Rafael, they fell in love.

So Jane broke up with Michael and Rafael broke up with Petra,

until Rafael started spiraling and broke up with Jane,

which, for the record, he really regrets.

Also full of regrets, Petra.

See, she owns part of Rafael's hotel,

but she doesn't have the one thing she really wants:

Rafael. So when this happened--

Your husband's sperm sample was split into two vials.

One was misplaced. We've just found it.

--she, naturally, took it herself.

I know. Straight out of a telenovela, right?

Well, imagine this.

Jane's father was international telenovela star

Rogelio de la Vega,

and he reconnected with her mother, Xiomara.

And remember Detective Michael?

Well, he was on the hunt for Sin Rostro,

a notorious crime boss who ran a plastic-surgery ring

changing criminals' faces.

And Sin Rostro turned out

to be Rafael's stepmother, Rose.

And she disappeared.

And who knows what she looks like now?

I know. OMG, right?

And speaking of OMG, Jane had her baby,

a beautiful boy named Mateo.

And then this happened. Bye, Mateo.

Which, I'm afraid, is where we left off.

Don't be scared.

That's the best part about telenovelas.

You know they'll live happily ever after.

To give some context,

last night's episode of The Miracles of Mariana

ended with quite the frightening cliff-hanger.

It says so right at the beginning! In the theme song!

Yeah, but I just don't know

if I can stomach all the ups and downs.

Then don't watch.

Of course I'm watching.

Did you make me--? Turn it up, Ma.

[SHUSHING AND SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING OVER TV]

Jane would think about that theme song briefly

when she was told the worst news ever.

But that hasn't happened yet.

You see, we're only...

Definitely not that one. What's wrong with this one?

Well, he's got a hat on.

We gotta send one that shows his hair.

He's known for his hair. He's known for his hair?

Well, he will be when we send out the birth announcement.

Hey, what are you two doing over there?

Nothing. I agree.

Just discussing their drunken wedding night in Vegas.

Where's Mateo? Matelio.

How long does the hearing test take, anyway?

He's only been gone nine minutes.

You timed it? We're on a nursing schedule.

You have to keep track.

When he eats, which boob, how long...

Mom, it's helpful.

Hey there. Hi.

I'm here to take Mateo for his hearing test.

Oh, another nurse took him. Really? Who?

Helen, her name was.

There's no nurse in Maternity named Helen.

It should be noted that moments before getting the call

that would change everything,

Michael was feeling,

well, I'll be honest, a little blue.

You okay, buddy?

Oh, yeah. Just, I don't know, a little blue.

Yeah. Me too.

I got passed over for a promotion. Again.

Oh, that sucks.

My ex-fiancée was accidentally artificially inseminated

with the sperm of this rich hotel owner

who she just happened to have a crush on in high school.

And they had their baby tonight, so...

Oh. You win.

Hello.

Hello, Detective Cordero.

Rose?

Or "Sin Rosetro."

I always did love a good play on words.

Why are you calling?

Because I have something you want.

I want answers. That's what I want.

Where is our son? We don't know.

The baby is not in the hospital, and I've just got word

that surveillance tapes show the woman, the one Jane described.

He hasn't had his hearing test. Oh, it was a full house earlier.

I'm sorry. No problem. I'll take him.

She's on surveillance leaving the building.

We've called the police and issued an Amber Alert.

I'll retweet it.

Jane? Honey?

Which brings us here, now, to that moment I mentioned

when Jane wished for a theme song,

something to tell her it would be all right.

But there wasn't a theme song.

There was only...

Michael? Hey.

Michael, someone took him. Someone took Mateo.

I need you to listen to me.

What is happening? Jane, listen.

I need you to clear out the room.

I know who has Mateo, and I know how to get him back.

Wait, Rose? I don't understand.

What does she want?

Let's call it a trade.

I had a dragonfly brooch.

Luisa took it when we last saw each other.

And it was of real value.

Apparently, it was logged into evidence

at your police station.

Get it out, and I'll give you Mateo.

Do the police do that?

Do they make trades? It doesn't matter.

This can't be official. She said just me.

What? Following her instructions

is the quickest, safest way to get Mateo back,

and that is all I want.

You know that's all I want.

I trust him. Please.

Fine, but I am going with you. Okay.

Me too.

Wait, what? No, you just gave birth.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm his mother,

and I have to feed him in 92 minutes.

So I'm not gonna just sit here and wait.

I'm going. End of story.

I'm just gonna need a hand out of bed.

Grab those wipes and grab that burp cloth.

Oh, and I need pants.

Hey, can you grab me that bag of adult diapers?

All right. Let's go.

Eighty-one minutes. Mateo has to eat in 81 minutes.

Answer me. Did you take the pin? You don't have it?

You're not gonna get in trouble. Did you take the pin?

We'll be right there.

Where are we going? Who has it?

Your sister. Luisa?

No, not Luisa.

Luisa, calm down.

Aah. Who am I kidding?

Where is the pin?

I went to get it and...

What's that, babe?

Oh, nothing.

The police just wanted something to do with Rose.

Your ex-girlfriend?

It's some, like, evidence thing.

You kept a box of her stuff?

No. Okay, yeah, but...

They were cataloging so much. I didn't think they'd miss it.

You saved things from your psychopath ex-girlfriend?

Okay, first of all, she's not a psychopath.

She's a sociopath. Ugh!

Oh, my God, you're still hung up on her.

No, Juicy, I swear, I'm not. I'm really not.

Will you please give that back? No.

No freaking way. No. Juicy. Juicy. Wait.

No!

Oh, no.

Oh.

Go. Go.

Guys, I got it!

Come on. Hurry up and get out of the pool.