In Living Color

- - Ronnie Thomas misses again.!

I'm trying to remember the last time he was this off in a big game.

He looks distracted, Marv.

Hey, Thomas. You stink, man! Hey, Thomas.

You couldn't drive on Miss Daisy, a'ight.

Hey, Thomas. You couldn't shoot if you had an AK-47.

Hell, man. Hey, Thomas. You been on the bench so long...

your little boy was born with splinters in his butt!

- New York takes a time-out. -

Oh, man. H-Hey, guys, look. I'm sorry. All right?

Just-Just hand me the ball. I'll get hot. Really.

Hot? Hot? Hey, Halle Berry naked couldn't get you hot, man.

Hey, you couldn't score if you went on a date with Heidi Fleiss, all right?

- Get out a here, ya bum! - He's getting to your head, man!

N-N-N-No, he isn't. I can block it out, man.

Listen, brother, you don't bother me, okay?

Why should I bother you, if losing doesn't bother you?

Hey, maybe they could trade you for something useful...

something like-like... like a dust mop, all right?

I mean, I bet even your cat coughs up air balls, all right?

All right, buddy. All right, man, come on. Let's go!

- Let's go, man! Let's go! - Hey, sec...

- Sec-Security! Security! - You want to do it!

Somebody arrest this man for impersonating a basketball player.

- Come on, Ronnie! Take it out on the hoop, man. - God.

Take a shower, and forget about it, man.

Try to concentrate on tomorrow's game.

Yeah. All right.

Hey, man! You got so many pimples on your butt...

- I thought I was lookin' at Edward James Olmos! -

Oh, honey. They wouldn't be in the play-offs without you.

- I keep seeing his face. - Shhh.

It's all over now. The police took him away.

- Really? - Really.

- I don't know if I can play tomorrow. - Oh, yes you can.

Now let's just relax and enjoy our dinner.

I'm gonna need more than that. Waiter, get me a highball.

- -

No-No. No-No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Noo!

Is that your wife? Oh!

- I thought it was Patrick Ewing with a wig on. - Ohh!

Shave your underarms. It looks like you got Buckwheat in a headlock.

- No. -

- - All right, everyone. Yes.

As a reward for all of your hard work in therapy...

and for those of you under suicide watch...

Nurse Ratched and I present to you...

the lilting, lighthearted music of Ireland.

Let's give a hearty, depressed-ward welcome...

to Seamus O'Shanty O'Shame!

- Whoo! -

Thank you very much. Thank you so much. It's good to be here this afternoon...

spreadin' warmth and cheer and happiness throughout the ward.

And as we say in Ireland, may your days shine brighter than Sinead O'Connor's head.

And now I'd like to start off with a tender little ballad, and it goes like this.

Mr. O'Shame, you are undoing all of our work!

If we wanted this we would have gotten Judas Priest.

Now sing a... a-a-a-a love ballad or something.

Ohh, a love ballad. A romantic, liltin' little ballad. Oh, okay then.

All righty, here's one called " The Ballad of Molly McBride," and it goes like this.

- My mother was a nun! - Oh, no, no, no!

Sir, you are through. You've sung enough.

Now, please leave. Somebody escort this man out of here.

No, no, no, no! One more song folks. Here we go.

"Coming Through the Rye." Everyone knows this one.

No, no, no, no, no!

This is him. That's him. All right, man.

You were supposed to be admitted this morning. Come on, Mr. Walker. Let's go.

- Oh, I'm not Mr. Walker. - Okay, Mr. Leprechaun. Let's go.

Oh, I'm not a Leprechaun either. I'm the king of the moth people. Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- Yes. I do love the king of the moth people. - Okay.

King of the moth people, why don't you fly towards the light? Come on.

Oh. No, not the light. No, no, no. I can't resist the light.

Oh, help me. Oh. Ohh.

Welcome back to the World Championship Sumo Wrestling.

Say hello to the number one heavyweight contender Pernell Dorsett.

- Percy in the house, baby! - Now, Percy, you know...

you and I go back a long way...

and there's always talk in the locker room and out that you're anorexic.

- Would you like to shed some light on this? - Yep.

I'm not anorexic. I eat all the time.

- Well, come on, Percy. Now-Now, what did you eat today? - Why? Do I look fat?

I mean, 'cause I'm tryin' to lose weight, man.

No, you don't need to lose weight. As a matter of fact...

I heard you have the metabolism of a gerbil.

You're just being nice aren't ya, man?

I can stand to lose about five pounds. I'm huge. Look at this.

Uhhh. Yeah, Pernell. Today, you're facing a man...

who outweighs you by 470 pounds.

Yakamoto, you're a pig, and you are going down.

- - Well, all right folks. There you have it.

Let's get ready to rumble.!

Twelve rounds of sumo wrestling.

I'm David Alan Grier with the fight doctor, Dr. Freddy Pacheco...

- Thursday Night at The Fights. -

Um, now there's Percy. He's, uh, beginning his warm-up.

You know, he brings to mind a young Ben Vereen in Pippen.

Of course, that's before the auto accident.

Percy is always one to show the moves... a real crowd-pleaser.

And here's Yakamoto...

casting the salt... the great tradition of sumo.

And, of course, Percy casting a salt substitute...