The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants

This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins.

George is the kid on the left with the tie and the flattop.

Harold is the one on the right with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.

Remember that, now. They enjoy pranks.

Sometimes those pranks are harmless.

- Be warned... - We fart so loud.

And sometimes...

They get the world attacked by giant, cranky produce.

But before we can tell you that story, we have to tell you this story.

- We're cool! - Me too!

Blah, blah, blah, blah!

Tra-la-la!

I'm telling you, I saw it move!

That's impossible, man. Impossible.

- Whoa! I saw it! - See? It's alive!

Enjoy.

Ew, we don't want to eat that.

Me neither. And I'm starving!

I very much need some time off.

Avocad-grow.

Yes, Avocad-grow,

the annual avocado growing contest.

Generally considered one of the most boring contests

in existence, except for the prize.

"Winner gets an all-you-can-eat lunch of whatever they want."

Harold, do you know what that means?

All-you-can-eat lunch of whatever we want!

I'll have the everything.

Make it two.

- We got to win this thing. - Our stomachs depend on it.

What about me?

Can't let 'em regenerate.

...because avocados have pits and, well, I'm sure you get it.

Teaching at Jerome Horwitz is stressful.

That's why Mr. Fyde spent six months resting

in the Piqua Home for the Reality Challenged.

But he's better now and ready to teach science again.

As long as you keep the noise down.

Uh, yeah.

Th-the student whose pit grows the most by...

...week's end wins the lunch jackpot.

Yeah.

And, children, this is Mr. Fyde's first day back.

His nerves are raw, so...

Keep the noise down!

Please don't make loud noises.

You heard him.

No noise!

Please don't.

Unfortunately for Mr. Fyde,

an elementary school is practically built on noise.

Please be quiet!

Whoa, you are a ticking time bomb.

Anyway, I want everyone to get their pits

and grow, grow, grow!

And if you're thinking it's because I want you kids to grow

a bunch of avocados to make me a whole lot of free guacamole

because guacamole is made from avocados

and I love guacamole so much, I dream about it every night

and want to take it on a vacation to Maui...

...you're dead wrong.

Actually...

So happy.

You have a crush on guacamole.

Yes.

No! I, uh...

a crush on... I mean...

I'm... I was...

Sit down!

Sitting.

Now everyone stay nice and quiet for Mr. Fyde, 'kay?

So all the kids went avocado shopping

after school at Avocadepot,

the biggest, best, and only avocado-only store on Earth.

What about this one?

Almost, but too wrinkly. Hmm.

Ooh, how about this one?

Hmm, not wrinkly enough.

Yes!

We're gonna eat like kings.

I'm already working on stretching my jaw.

Aah!

Stanley Peet, a classmate so sweaty,

he leaves a slippery trail behind him,

was less picky about his pits.

Hey, avocad-bros! Find your pits?

I got these from the bargain bin.

Why are you all scratched up?

There was a raccoon in the bin!

But it was worth it.

We got this contest in the bag.

Whoa!

Melvin, however, was not engaged by such trivial activity.

Whatever, tiny avocado pit.

His desire to attend his dream school,

the Eliteanati Academy, was much more important.

Hello. I'm Dr. Chalice Aristocrab,

Dean of Eliteanati Academy.

The best school, for the best minds, who may or may not become evil villains.

- Admission requires top-notch grades. - No prob.

- College-level after-school work. - Uh-duh.

And first prize in an avocado growing competition.

What? What?

Hmm.

Looks like we're back on, my little friend.

It's not growing. Something's wrong.

Uh, maybe it just needs more time.

It's still not growing! What do we do?

I don't know! Eh, let's read to it!

- What? Why? - I heard it makes plants grow better!

Then what are we waiting for?

Comic book!

by George Beard and Harold Hutchins.

Once there was this guy, Texo, who sold tacos.

"Hey, Texo's Tacos! Get 'em!"

Then he had an idea to be more rich with big food.

So Texo got Mega Booster plant food and poured it on an avocado.

And the avocado grew and grew, until it was giant and alive!

It was so awesome, Texo named it Avacadbro!

Avacadbro!

All customers loved Avacadbro, and Avacadbro was like,

"I'm a giant, talking avocado who surfs.

What's not to like? Right?"

But then Texo pushed his luck and poured Mega Booster on a spicy taco,

and the taco grew even bigger than Avacadbro, and Texo went,

"Wow! I'm gonna have a swimming pool of money and coins!"

But the spicy in Texo's taco made the taco mean and shoot fireballs.

It was all, "Nobody's eatin' me, man!"

Shoot, shoot, shoot! Ka-blaw! Ka-blaw!

And it crushed buses and shot fireballs at the mayor's pants!

Yeah, right when he was about to give a medal to who?

Captain Underpants! Yay!

Captain Underpants was all,

"I'll save the day by eating this giant taco!"

But when the Captain... but, but, but,

but when Captain Underpants tried to eat the giant taco,

his face turned red crying and stuff, and he was all,

"It's too spicy! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!"

But then Avacadbro showed up to make the ultimate sacrifice and was all,

"Eat me and I will keep your tongue as cool as I am."

Because avocados, like, do that.

Captain Underpants was all sad he had to eat his new friend

to save the day, but he did it.

And then, like, dodging fireballs, kerboosh,

he flew super fast into Texo's giant taco,

smashed it, and ate the whole thing!

And his tongue was cool and the world was all safe.

Hooray and all!

Texo from Texo's Tacos gave Captain Underpants

free Texo's tacos for life.

And from then on, every time Captain Underpants burped,

he could kinda taste his old friend Avacadbro

and it made him smile.

"The end."

Nothin'.

And then...

Yes.

Okay, this is much more peaceful.

Now, class, I'd like you all to...

Carry on.

Uh, I'm going to be unconscious for a while,

so you... yes, I'll...

- How 'bout now? - Nothin'.

Let's see how the competition's stackin' up.

Quit now, simple-twins.

Your pit is inferior, just like you.

And I will show no mercy, pit or man!

But your pit isn't even growing.

Oh.

It will.

It will!

Well, that was cree...

Well, that was creepy. Creepy, right?

Yep. Creepy.

Ah! Where's my guacamole?

Uh, I mean, how's the contest going?

I want to see avocados to the ceiling in here to make, you know,

all that delicious, tangy, velvety guacamole.

Because Kruppy needs his guacy.

Mmm!

So get to work!

That guy really loves guacamole.

And we should give it to him.

Ugh. You smell that?

Yeah. It's like a bunch of skunks fighting a bunch of diapers.

Hey, Stan. Your avocados are pretty pungent.

They sure are.

You puttin' your pits in your pits there?

Sure am.

Cool. You gonna use that mush?

Yeah, uh, mind if we borrow it?

All clear.

Wonder where Miss Anthrope is.

Uh... help.

His face is gonna be as green as this rotten guac!

Speak up. I can't hear you.

Can't hear you.

- What? - This is gonna be great.

What?

Unfortunately, George and Harold didn't know