International House

Nash, that covers about everything. You have your instructions and your credentials.

Yes. They're all in here. I'd better get my tickets.

If Dr. Wong's invention is half as good as he claims,

the manufacturing rights will be worth millions.

The American Electric Company can't afford to lose out.

Yes, sir. No, sir.

I'm new in China. You had three years in the consular service.

You know the country, the language and the manner of doing business here.

That's why I'm sending you in my place.

Considering everything, I'm sure you'll represent the company better than I.

Well, I can die trying, sir. “Die“?

You're not sick, are you? Oh, no, sir.

Didn't I hear something about your being sick the day before your wedding?

Yeah. It-- It happened twice. That's why I didn't get married.

Carol-- Um, Miss Fortescue felt--

Well, you can imagine how she felt.

Yeah. You see--

Discouraged. Yes. So I resigned and went to America to the finest specialists.

Well, they get you all cleaned out all right?

Every nickel. That's fine.

Well, good-bye, Nash. Good-bye.

Sorry, madam. There are no trains to Wu-Hu.

You said that three or four times. I must get there.

It's very important for me. Money's no object.

Madam, if I owned the rail road, I'd give you a train.

But a bridge has washed out, and our engines can't swim.

- Wu-Hu. - I beg your pardon?

A compartment to Wu-Hu, please. Sorry. There's been an accident on the line.

Accident? Yes, sir.

Do you know whether Sir Mortimer Fortescue and his daughter--

Their train was the last one to get through, sir.

Oh, that's fine. It looks as though I'll have to try and make it in my car.

It's a hard, long trip, sir. Don't I know it.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Do you mind? Oh.

That's all right.

Aren't you the gentleman who's driving to Wu-Hu? Yes.

I'm most anxious to go myself.

I mean, wouldn't you take me along?

I'm afraid not. It's no trip for a girl.

Bad roads and the desert.

That sounds interesting. It isn't.

I couldn't take the responsibility.

I'll take the responsibility.

Pardon me just a moment.

You forgot to sign it. Sign it “American Electric Company.“

Couldn't you possibly take me with you?

Yes, but-- No.

Won't you change your mind? It's a 24-hour trip.

That's only a day. A day and-- and a night.

I'm not afraid of the dark. Are you?

No. I'm afraid of what might happen in it.

Whoo-hoo. Whoo-hoo.

Wu-Hu! Wu-Hu!

Daily Mail' Wu-Hu!

Wu-Hu! Wu-Hu!

I haven't seen so many big shots since the peace conference.

That guy's invention must be plenty hot to drag us from all over the world like this.

How do you do? Who?

You, sir. How do you do?

You're Sir Mortimer Fortescue of Shanghai, are you not?

You're mistaken. I am.

- What is your opinion of Dr. Wong? - Wong?

The man you came here to see. See? About what?

About his invention. Oh, yes.

What is your opinion of his invention? Absolutely worthless.

The invention? No. My opinion.

Come on, Daddy.

Good afternoon, sir. Did you have a nice trip?

I always have a nice trip. You are--

General Nicholas Baronosky Petronovich.

Formerly of the Russian Imperial Guard.

At present, general manager of the Moscow Utilities Company.

Are you interested in Dr. Wong's new invention?

I am here to buy the rights for my company.

Who's that bird?

Must be Herr von Baden of the Berlin Lens and Optical Company.

Would you say a few words, please?

No, no, no, no. No, no. In English, please.

In German or in English-- out of the way! I have business.

Skittish. Very skittish.

Yeah, and just a wee bit squirrelly too.

Dr. Bums! Dr. Bums!

Dr. Burns!

Man inside, him very sick.

I take you.

What's the matter? Oh, Doctor, I'm sick.

I cannot “up-standing“ straight. You can't what?

I cannot up-standing straight. Well, let me see.

Uh-- Oh, look. Your--

Look. Your vest is buttoned to your trousers.

Ah!

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

Ah! Thank you.

This is the hotel manager.

Dr. Wong.

Dr. Wong.

Dr. Wong, I have a telegram for you.

I'm afraid I have a short circuit in my transformer.

That's very unfortunate, I'm sure.

But, uh, how about this telegram?

Ah, right. There is a short circuit. Oh, were you saying something?

Why, yes. I have a short circuit-- Huh?

I mean, I have a telegram for you. Read it, please.

“Leaving Shanghai to negotiate blonde on desert,

“but will not take responsibility.

“Hold everything.

Signed, American Electric Company.“ Ah. The American representative.

Is, uh, the telegram quite clear to you, Doctor?

Quite, quite. Clever people, these Americans.

Always combining business with pleasure.

Oh, uh, General Petronovich requested me to, uh,

arrange an interview with you this afternoon.

I will see no one until the arrival of the American representative.

Well, I hope he'll be here in time for your demonstration.

Thank you. And now...

you will be the first to witness the wonders of my radioscope.

Uh, pull those curtains, please.

Yes, Doctor.

Oh, Doctor, this is positively thrilling.

I'm gooseflesh all over.

What are you going to show me, Doctor?

The six-day bicycle race in New York City.

Watch closely.

Not quite synchronized.

Seems rather, uh, mixed-up.

- - Yes.

That moo went with the cow.

I believe that is the customary procedure.

Professor Henry R. Quail takes off from Juarez, Mexico,

on a secret mission, combining business with pleasure.

Delicious. 200 pesos.

Charge it.

I wonder if the professor can get off the ground with that load.

Now I will get you the six-day bicycle race.

If the doctor will permit, a little later perhaps.

Oh, at your pleasure. It will be going on for six days.

Good afternoon, Doctor. Good afternoon.

Oh, hello. Come here.

Say, who's that?

“Who is that?“ That's the manager of the ho--

Well, you wouldn't know. What difference does it make?

Good afternoon, Doctor. Good afternoon.

I have an invitation for you. Oh, thank you.

Dr. Wong is going to show his radioscope on the roofgarden tonight.

Thank you very much. Oh, goody!

“Goody“? You're not invited. Oh, that's too bad, Doctor, because you would've enjoyed it.

Listen, I've had enough of this. I've got a good mind to get a different nurse.

No, no. Don't do that, Doctor. This one is different enough.

Well, then you talk to her. Thanks.

Do you know, you're very smart.

Yes, I know. To what do you attribute your smartness?

Uh, three things. Three things? Oh.

First, my very good memory. Mm.

And the other two things, um, uh--

I forgot.

Look, uh, let me talk to her. Thanks.

What the manager would like to know is, did you ever go to school?

Oh, yes, I did. Well, what school did you go to?

I'm not allowed to tell. You're not allowed to tell?

The school pays me $25 a week not to tell.

You take her. Thanks.

Did, um-- Did you ever read any books?

Oh, of course I did.

Did you ever read any books by Kipling?

No. No, I never read any of his books. I like his herring though.

Mm-hmm. Uh--

This one is on me.

You like Kipling's herring? Yes.

Sometime when you have nothing to do, you must read some of Dill's pickles.

You'd like that too. Oh, yeah?Well, I'll get it.

Get that. This Monday, a new pickle is coming out with a blue cover.

Oh. yeah? A mystery. huh?

If you don't mind.

Well.

Uh, this one in on the house.

You know, something must have happened to you when you were a baby.

No. No, nothing happened to me, but something happened to my brother when he was a baby.

Oh, to your brother. Yes. My father took him for a stroll in the carriage.

But when my father came home, he had a different baby in a different carriage.

Different baby in a different carriage. Yes.

What did your mother say? Oh, she didn't say anything, because it was a better carriage.

Oh. Uh-- I'm coming.

A better carriage, huh?

Yes. And the baby my father brought home was a little French baby. A little French baby.

Yes, so my mother took up French. Took up French.

Yes. To be able to understand the baby...

when it started to talk. When it started to talk. Yes.

Both Humming]

Oh, they're crazy people.

What about these eggs?

What about the eggs?

Well, what about the eggs?

Are they finished?