Courting Alex

Well, I really need to get going.

I have to get back to the bar.

Come on, do you have to go now?

Alex, this is not like being a doctor or a teacher.

This is a bar.

I need you to look over these-- whoa! When did the office get Cinemax?

- I'll see you later tonight. - Okay.

You guys...

so cute together.

- Yeah. - Yeah, not in a good way.

I'm sorry. It's not you. I'm having an incredible dry spell with men.

- Well, we all go through those. - Not like this.

Even my prisoner pen pal broke it off with me.

You never know.

He could have met someone else during lockdown.

It is so going to happen for you. You are so cute and smart and...

Okay, you know what, I'm just going to fix you up.

Really? You would do that for me?

Of course. I want you to be happy.

You know, I used to do it all the time in law school.

Oh, but that's so great. Did any of them end up married?

- Uh, almost all of them. - Oh!

Not to each other, but still...

Did any of them end up engaged?

- In relationships? - Mm...

Like second dates?

Hey, I just get them together. After that they're on their own.

Transcript: RaceMan - Synchro: jh26

- Hey, Mol. - Hi.

I need these contracts notarized before they go out.

Oh, sure thing, Phil.

What's going on there?

What are you talking about?

I saw the sparks between you and Phil.

You want me to talk to him for you?

Yeah. Ask him how his wife and kids are.

Right, not Phil. There's someone great out there for you,

and we're going to find him.

- Julian. - Yeah, right. An artist.

That's what I need. To get involved with a self-obsessed, ego-maniacal... genius!

- I'm sorry. - That's okay.

All I heard was "genius."

Hey, I didn't know you were coming by.

Well, your father has commissioned me to paint a mural in the lobby.

Oh, that's right. I have to tell you,

all the partners were thrilled to have secured an artist of your stature.

Oh, I'm not sure how much "stature" I have.

How much stature do you think I have?

You've got it coming out of your ears.

You might want to trim it.

- There he is. - Hello, Bill.

I've got something for you, sport.

A little down payment on the mural.

Wow! That's very generous.

- Too much? - I didn't say that.

Wouldn't say that.

I'll get started on some sketches right away.

Oh, great. Oh, listen, um, um...

Would you do me a favor?

Anything. Frankly, with this check, you pretty much own me.

All right.

Could you paint a portrait of my wife's dog?

I'm sorry, it sounded like you wanted me to paint a portrait of your wife's dog.

Is that a problem or ?

Well, in art school,

I did happen to miss the class on puppies, clowns and unicorns, but...

Well, if you're not up for the job, I can find somebody who can paint the dog

- and the mural. - No, no, no!

You misunderstand me. I-I relish a challenge.

I'll just need a snapshot to take home.

Oh, my-my assistant has something for you. Helen!

You're going to need a lot more than a snapshot to get the...

the essence of this little puppy dog.

Say hi to... to Baby.

Whoa, wait! I don't know anything about dogs.

No water after 9:00. And wear the gloves when you apply the ointment.

I'd wear the gloves.

I'm off to dinner with Scott. If you need me, I'll be on my cell.

The Landers contracts are in your briefcase.

Thank you.

Hey,

I'm picking Scott up at his basketball game.

That's ten guys right there.

I love tall guys.

Or any guy over five-three.

I am going to find you the right guy.

Whoo! You are so almost in a relationship.

Whoa, yo, hang on there. Don't talk about relationships. You'll scare them away.

Isn't that what you're looking for?

No. I just want to get back in the game, you know?

Look, just between us, I'd settle for some great sex.

I'd settle for some sex.

Hey.

Thank you.

Wow!

I've never seen you this sweaty with your clothes on.

I'm going to grab my bag.

Hey, um...

Who's that guy?

Him? Uh, Seth.

Yeah? Is he a good guy?

Yeah. He's cool,

he's funny...

Can't go to his left to save his life...

He's cute.

Is he single?

Okay, that's the worst breakup technique I've ever seen.

Not for me. I want to set up Molly.

Will you go talk to him?

Alex, I think setting people up is a bad idea.

Why?

Feelings get hurt. Friendships get ruined.

CDs go missing for years.

But this is for Molly.

Cute, lovable Molly.

Look, everyone I know is either in a relationship, or they don't want one.

Or both.

It's not like she needs some big relationship.

- Alex... - Okay, okay.

Just between us,

all she's really looking for is some fun.

- Fun? - Yes.

She's a woman.

She has... needs.

Cute, lovable Molly.

Okay, you've thought about Molly's needs long enough.

Well?

Let me ask you a question.

Why is it the minute a woman gets in a relationship, she wants to fix everyone up?

It's just

you make me so happy, and I want Molly to have that--

you know, the same joy and...

warmth and fulfillment that

you're going to experience later tonight if you do this for me.

Who am I to stand between Molly and her joy?

You're such a giver.

Ah, I miss you, too, sweetheart.

How's London?

You want to stay two more days?

Sure, no problem.

Of course I'll take care of Baby.

I love the little fur-ball as much as you do.

All right. Okay, honey.

I miss you, too. Okay.

Crap!

Helen!

I'm not baby-sitting that dog.

What am I going to do with it for two more days?

Hello?

Oh, Julian. Come on in.

Well, I've got your painting, and I've brought back your beloved Baby.

You have no idea how much I missed that little critter.

No, no, no, leave him in the crate.

He-he feels safe in there.

So... I give you...

Baby.

No, no.

No, that's... that's unacceptable. That's...

You're gonna have to do it again.

What? But it looks exactly like the mutt.

Something's not right. There's, uh...

there's something about the eyes.

Are you joking? They're perfect. I even got the disgusting black ooze

that drips from the corners.

No, there's no... there's no sparkle there.

Sparkle?

I have been staring at this bloody carnival prize for two days!

Nothing but ooze.

I'll tell you what. Take-take two more days. But I've, I've got to have the sparkle.

I promise you, there is no sparkle.

He's just a horny little bugger who,

no matter how hard he tries, simply can't get clean enough.

Julian, if I'm not happy with the way you paint the dog,

how am I gonna be happy with the way you do the mural?

The very expensive mural.

Oh, look. The sparkle.

I am so sorry I'm late. Please don't fire me. Please don't fire me.

- I'm not gonna fire you. - Well, go ahead, fire me. Who cares?

I had...

the most amazing date with Seth.

I missed my stop because I was thinking about him.

D etails.

Well, I was on the "A" train going uptown...

- About the date! - Oh, yeah.

He's incredible.

He's sweet and funny and...

My dry spell? Over!

Twice.

Good for you. Twice.

God, and you know, Brooklyn's not that far.

- You went to Brooklyn? - Oh...

I went to Brooklyn.

And what a borough it is.

I just can't wait to see him again.

Whoa!

I thought this was just a one-time trip to Brooklyn.

No, I thought so, too. But...

we just clicked.

We had this deep connection.

It's just so nice to meet a guy and not feel like you have to play games.