Morning, Noon & Night

- I don't like you and you don't like me.

Ah-ha, Big Cliff.

What's up man?

Marco, my main man.

Down to the bottom, need more.

- All out, I'm waitin'. - Shit, man.

Well, when's that gonna be?

Hopefully, today.

- (sighs) Well, let me know when you do know.

All right? - Fo sho, you be cool.

Yeah, yeah, you be cool.

- Peace. - Yeah, peace out, whatever.

Good morning, sweetie.

Good morning, Daddy.

You have blow all over your nose.

What?

Oh, shit.

Is it gone?

- Yeah, why do you do so much blow?

- 'Cause it gives me an edge and I need that.

In the corporate world,

everything's about screw everybody else.

I gotta be sharp as a razor, twice as sharp.

It's worse than dog eat dog out there.

It's wolf eat wolf.

And those bastards want me outta there.

See, I've reached the corporate glass ceiling.

Can't go any higher than head of department at NFK

without moving into executive,

and executive is all a Japanese.

And you may or may not have noticed,

but I am not Japanese.

You're too tall.

- That's right, and that gives me an advantage.

Let me teach you a little something

about having an advantage.

When you've got an advantage,

you have got to take advantage of it, pshew!

Okay.

- And do me a favor, will ya?

Stay outta my shit, okay?

I don't even like blow.

- Then why'd you steal half a gram?

It was for my friend.

Oh, Emily who used to be Joel?

Yeah, she's got a hard life.

It's not easy being transgender.

I can imagine.

I find it challenging enough just being one gender.

- Apparently, there are like 200 genders nowadays.

And look what I got stuck with.

Oh, don't you talk like that.

You are beautiful.

Okay.

So, you goin' to school today?

I guess.

What do you mean you guess?

I hate school.

I think I'm gonna drop out.

- (stammering) Are you shitting me?

You've already dropped out of two colleges

and I had to eat the tuition both times.

And Northern was fuckin' expensive!

Well, look at it this way.

Community college isn't nearly as much.

- (laughs) So now you're saving me money, I suppose.

Wait, that's bullshit; you pay for it.

And so what are you gonna do now?

You're gonna have to get a job, you know?

So I'll get a job.

- Yeah, and then you'll quit after three days.

- Daddy, please, can you just leave me alone?

Don't you have any ambition?

- Hmm, no. - None at all?

Don't you wanna be somebody?

I am somebody.

Yeah, you're right.

You're a professional dropout.

- But it would be nice being rich.

- Oh, and how might you achieve that?

- I figured I'd just outlive you,

inherit all your money.

You know, at the rate you're going,

it shouldn't even be that hard.

I'd be surprised if you even made it to 60.

- I am going to slow down, I swear;

once I get a little bit of time, which will be soon.

- Sure. - You watch.

Okay.

So you see your mother lately?

- No. - Talk to her lately?

- No. - Why not?

Because I hate Matt.

She has terrible taste in men.

- Hey, hey, watch it! - Not you, Daddy.

You're wonderful.

Good answer and you're right.

I am wonderful in my own charmnoxious kind of way.

So what's wrong with Matt?

- He's just a horrible, sloppy, disgusting drunk

and Mom's zoned out on benzos all day

watching the Home Shopping Network

buying shit she doesn't need.

I hate it there. - Well, then stay here,

but go to school. - Okay.

Listen, I got to go to work.

We will talk about this droppin' out shit later.

Fine.

Look, I don't get it.

Why drop out at all?

I mean, aren't you takin' bullshit classes,

like underwater basket weaving and poetry anyway?

Creative writing and history,

with your old buddy, Aaron. - That's right.

That sounds great, but, look.

I gotta go, honey.

We'll talk about this later. - Okay.

- I love you, muah. - Love you, too, Daddy.

- And stay away from my blow! - Okay.

And don't touch my Diet Coke.

Never.

- (heavily sighs) That girl is gonna drive me to drinkin'.

If I don't start drivin' that hot rod Lincoln, yeah.

Fuck everything.

- Stupid mother fuckin', get the fuck outta the way!

Get a life!

Fuck.

Fuck.

I can't drink this.

Every day is a miniature eternity.

No.

No.

No!

No!

No, Jesus.

No.

No, Jesus Christ.

No, not Teddy.

Franklin Roosevelt, close.

Still wrong.

What caused the Great Depression?

My dog died, funny (chuckles).

What brought the end of the Great Depression?

Xanax; okay, funny man.

There's an F, that stands for funny.

Blessed Circe.

Oh, I love the Beer Bash!

The one day of the year where getting smashed

is not only condoned, it's encouraged.

All right, can anyone tell me

when the first drug laws were introduced, anybody?

Come on, just try.

You.

- In the '60s. - No.

Anybody else?

You. - In the '20s.

- No, in 1729 in China when the emperor banned the sale

and importation of the opium throughout the whole nation.

And what happened next?

Opium use just kept increasing and becoming more prevalent.

Then, in the 1830s, the British realized

that they were running a trade deficit with China.

You see, there were a great many things

that the West wanted from the Chinese,

but nothing they wanted from them.

So the British began shipping in wholesale opium

into the country.

And guess what?

That shit just sells itself.

Heroin, by the way, is a derivative of opium.

And as more and more of the Chinese people got addicted,

the emperors did not dig it, so they banned it.

And what happened next?

- It got more popular? - Exactly.

So what can we take from all this?

- Stuff that's banned gets more popular.

- Precisely, just like the prohibition of alcohol

here in the States in the 1920s.