Cougar Town

I love you.

I love you, too.

I'm feeling good about Jayson...

That is half Jules and half Grayson.

See, I combined our names the way they do

with the celebrity couples. "Jayson" sucks.

It's a real name. What about, um, "Grules"?

It sounds like something orphans eat.

"Please, sir,

may I have some Grules?" No! You get back in your spaceship!

What? I don't know what we doing.

Hey, do you think a year from now we'll be living together?

Bye-bye, nice moment.

I'm sorry. I-I always fixate on the next. I'm future gal.

Well, I'm now guy. Oh, no. We're mortal enemies.

Just that right now is so awesome,

why wouldn't I want to be in the moment?

You're right. From now on, I'm doing that.

Future gal is so annoying. She's not as bad as "what if?" guy.

What if when we met, I was a billionaire?

You think we still would've ended up together?

I don't know. I definitely

would have had sex with you sooner. Aw, sweet.

Why are you here?

Mmm. Jules' house doesn't open up until 8:00.

You're out of milk.

Oh, that's party mix, buddy. That's why it tastes salty.

Now that Jules and Grayson are in love,

do you ever worry that Travis is

gonna see Grayson as a father figure?

Nope. But now I can't think of anything else.

You were... you were too mean to Bobby.

Oh, that's women, buddy.

Guy friends wouldn't do that. Mnh-mnh. We're too loyal.

I'm getting arm? I'm making a point.

Warm.

So what if you're loyal? It's loyalty based on nothing...

sports, beer, "oh, let's pee on this thing and then wrestle."

You're like dogs.

At least we don't dump

friends at the drop of a hat. I actually did

dump a friend for dropping my favorite hat in a puddle.

Have a nice life, Nezzie.

I never drop friends.

Oh, really?

Pow! Wedding picture of you and your bridesmaids.

With the exception of Jules, you no longer speak to any of them.

No way! Yeah.

She has valid reasons.

I mean, Katie had her baby in a bathtub.

Unacceptable.

And, well, Tina doesn't count.

She backs up mediocre looks with a horrible personality.

Tina's my baby sister.

If you wanna see a picture that matters...

Check it out.

Friends... for... life.

I would do anything for the women in this picture.

Anything. Hey, my apartment is getting painted this weekend.

Can I crash here?

Wow. That is, like, the perfect time to ask me that.

Bravo. Bravo. Well done. Really.

Thank you. Don't you think

that picture would look better like this?

Really? Let's cut out oldie McPhee. Oh, look at this one.

Stop it. Guys, first of all, immature and...

Before I met you, I was dating a rich 30-year-old guy...

Loving this story so far. Calm down. He was a big uggo.

Really? No, he was beautiful.

One weekend he took me to Paris,

and we strolled along the seine...

Strolling along rivers in Paris?

It must have been like...

Trav, our last date was

watching the first season DVD of "Community"

and staying up all night

watching nine Emilio Estevez movies. The Estevez-festevez.

Look, you could stand to be a little bit more romantic.

I'm crazy about you, so don't freak out, okay?

Please, woman.

I'm totally Estevez.

Guys! Guys, guys, guys. Hi.

Can I ask you a relationship question?

No one will ever love you as much as I do.

Yeah, that's why I'm asking him.

Sure. Bye, sweetie. Bye.

Oh, look. That new wine bar opened.

That place is my competition.

You thought girls weren't loyal, but we love wine,

and we haven't stepped foot in that place.

That's real friendship, pal. Wine bar?

Ellie's already running there. Go!

Wine bar!

Now, ladies, what I adore

about this Pinot is its audacity.

Um... I'll tell you later.

Okay. You'll detect subtle hints of juniper berry...

Buddy, if it takes the edge off,

I am good to go. And you're done.

Wait. What? You don't drink wine for the right reasons.

She doesn't. This is the most horrible day ever.

Blonde one, try that.

Tell me what you taste.

Cinnamon. Exactly.

She is chewing cinnamon gum.

No.

Romance isn't all about sunsets and flowers.

It can be as simple as getting to a point with your woman

where you can actually stand to listen

to all her pointless jibberjabber.

I hope you and my mom grow old together.

What you ladies gabbing about?

Just getting some terrible advice on girlfriend issues.

So you went to him with your problem?

Why would you do that, Travis?

Andy, not sure why you're upset.

Because I'm human.

Scoot over. I want in on this.

Romance, huh?

Ah! What if you only had one night

with Kirsten before she exploded?

You hate "what if?" guy, don't you? Mm-hmm.

Can't stand him. So much.

What if you didn't?

We agree to never go back to that jerk's wine place again?

Our 2-person boycott will bring him to his knees.

Why are you putting things away?

Getting ready for Laurie to come over.

Oh, my God. You're Laurie-proofing your house.

She gets into things. Like a raccoon.

Kind of, but only because raccoons are cute,

and sometimes Laurie goes through my trash...

Not to get food, but she likes to take my old magazines.

Oh, well, that's normal. Why'd you say "yes" to this?

You know what's the worst thing about Laurie... Stop right there.

Girlfriends don't talk behind each other's backs.

I couldn't keep a straight face.

Okay.

Sure, Laurie's not the easiest houseguest,

but, hey, I'm excited she's coming.

What's up, sleepover?

I packed light... just my sleep mask and some condoms,

'cause you never know. I usually do.

This is gonna be so much fun! I just need to borrow

some toothpaste and a toothbrush and your lady razor,

oh, and an outfit for tomorrow. I don't know.

Maybe a skirt to show off my drumsticks. Wha-bam!

The elliptical has been my bitch recently.

I'll just go up into your closet and I'll root around,

and we'll find some stuff. Hey, Ellie. Hey, raccoon.

Are you sure this picture doesn't

look better like this? Quit it. We love her.

Hey, can I try on this thong? Yes!

Thanks, honey! I will kill you.

Hey, Laurie, wait!

And dead. I walk outta here the way I came in,

the police pin it on Grayson,

he sells me his pub to make bail, and we finally get

some good nachos in this town. What?!

Good morning, Laurie. Come downstairs.

You can catch up to me on coffee.

I'm two pots ahead. Tag! You're it!

Oh, God.

Are you awake?

Will you come with me, please?

I love you.

All right, stay asleep.

My nachos are great.

I use three kinds of cheeses. What, what?!

I'm taking Kirsten out tonight,

and it's gotta be more romantic than a weekend in Paris.

You know what'll beat Paris? What?

Nothing. You ever been? It's breathtaking.

Strong start. Let's build on it.

I'm this close to a great idea,

but the sound of my breath's getting in my head,

so I'm just gonna hold it for a while.

You want romance?

First, throw on a nice Cuban suit... they exist...

then two flutes of champagne.

Oh, what's in the champagne? A necklace.

What's it made of? Diamonds.

Game over. Yeah, I'm poor. No diamonds.

But at least the ideas are flowing. Dad?

Still working on it.

Grayson, I assume you're daydreaming about Paris?

Oh, the croissants are so fresh.

Got it. Write her a love song.

I scribbled down some titles.

"'Stairway to Kirsten,' 'Hotel Kirsten-fornia.'"

dad, you're just putting her name in your favorite songs.

Not all my favorites. I didn't write down

"Kirsten and Julio down by the schoolyard"

'cause it sounds like she was throwing down with someone else.

"In-a-gadda-da-Kirsten"? "It's raining Kirstens"?

"My kirst-ona."

I had a feeling you'd be back.

Look, I know this is wrong. I just...

Mmm. I just thought maybe...

We might be kindred spirits.