Gravity Falls

Shoo, possum, shoo.

Git, McGucket, git!

Good night, trees.

Good night, tiny men stealing my pie.

Wait. What?!

Lift with your knees. No, your knees.

If I go one more hour without eating,

I'm gonna resort to cannibalism.

Ma'am.

Little magic men.

What does it mean? What do I do?

Yes, hi. I'd like to report something.

I'm at Greasey's Diner.

You won't believe what I've witnessed.

It's unbelievable. It's indescribable.

It's...

It is unseen.

Well, back to pie.

I was this close to eating you, Steve.

All right, author, who are you?

Who are... Bleccch!

Not again.

Hey, bro-bro, look what I got.

Yay, a filthy green bottle.

It's a bottle message from Mermando, remember?

He was part fish, part shirtless guy.

What if he wants to get back together?

- I wouldn't get your hopes up, Mabel. - Too late. Hopes are way, way up!

"Dear Mabel..." So far so good.

"it is with a heavy heart..." So far, so good.

"that I must inform you, I'm getting married"?!

And there it is.

"In order to prevent an undersea civil war,

arranged wedding, Queen of the Manatees..."

And she's so beautiful. This can't be happening.

Oh, Mabel, you'll get over him eventually.

You don't understand, Dipper.

On my first day here, I made this page for summer romances.

Look at my luck.

Turned out to be gnomes, child psycho,

made out with his own hands.

And now...

I wish I could just forget about them forever.

Hey, if it's any consolation,

my summer mission isn't a huge success either.

I'm still trying to find the author of this journal.

With his laptop smashed, I've lost any lead in finding him.

Wait a minute. Dipper, look!

- Through your bottle? - Just do it.

"McGucket Labs."

Wait. Old man McGucket?

- Dipper, you don't think... - It couldn't be...

It doesn't make any sense, unless... this matches with this.

Then this goes over here.

And then the name... so that now would mean

Old man McGucket wrote the journal?!

Ugh! I can't get that terrible song out of my head.

Oh, you mean "Straight Blanchin' " by Li'l Big Dawg?

It's the catchiest song of the summer.

What is blanchin'? Rappers can't just make up words.

Rappers are visionaries, Wendy.

If they told me to eat my own pants, I would do it.

I guess I have no choice. Ta-ta-da.

Wendy, Soos, we need to go see old man McGucket.

- We'll explain on the way. - Gah!

Hey, what about work? Kids!

Why is Soos eating his own pants?

Old man McGucket, are you here?

Here, hillbilly, billy, billy, billy.

Took an hour to think of this, but it was worth it.

Ha!

Get outta here, you salt lickin', hornswagglin'...

McSuckit. They got me good.

Visitors!

Come, come. Pull up some rusty metal.

You're just in time for my hourly turf war with the hillbilly

what lives in my mirror.

Quit starin' at me when I bathe!

You can drop the act, McGucket. I know you're the author.

You studied the mysteries of this town and wrote this book.

Dude, you're the genius Dipper's been searching for all summer.

Uh, genius? I'm no genius.

I never done nothin' worthwhile in my life.

Everyone knows I'm no good to nobody.

I can't remember what I used to be,

but I must've been a big failure to end up like this.

But the laptop has your name on it.

What about this book? Are you sure you didn't write it?

- Here, look closely. - I told you, I don't recall.

Everything before 1982 is just a blur. Just a hazy...

The Blind Eye!

Robes. The men. My mind.

- They did something. - Who did?

I... oh, I don't recall.

Oh, you poor old man.

No wonder your mind's all...

You've been through something intense.

What if McGucket learned something he wasn't supposed to know,

and someone, or something, messed with his mind?

We've got to get to the bottom of this.

Think, dude. What is the earliest thing you can remember?

Uh, this is, I think.

The history museum.

Then that's where we're going.

Ugh, Soos!

Ugh!!

I'll buy you a new one.

Hello? Anyone here?

All right, keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious.

Mabel, are you okay?

You just walked by a cat without petting it.

Oh, Wendy, everything I look at

reminds me of my failed romances.

That formaldehyde heart. That romantic diorama.

Even this poster of my most recent ex-crush.

- Aw, come on! - So your last memory was here.

- Anything coming back? - Guys, look!

Hey, who's there?

Well, kettle my corn. He vanish-ified.

It doesn't make sense. Where did he go?

I feel like all these eyeballs are a-watchin' me.

Wait. They are.

Move aside.

- Jackpot! - A secret passageway.

We'll have to be stealthy.

I'll hambone a message if there's trouble.

I have no idea what that means.

Who is the subject of our meeting?

This woman.

Lazy Susan?

What is it that you have seen?

Speak!

Uh, well, uh, I was leaving the diner,

and I saw these little bearded doodads,

and I was, like, "whaaaa?"

There, there. You won't be "like whaaaa"

for much longer.

What is that gizmo? It looks like a hair dryer.

Are you guys barbers?

Lazy Susan, what do you know of little bearded men?

My mind is clear, thanks to the Society of the Blind Eye.

It is unseen.

Oh, my gosh. They erased lazy Susan's memory.

Guys, are you seeing this? They just wiped lazy Susan's memory.

They should've wiped off that awful mascara.

I think she looks beautiful.

She's doing the best she can, Soos.

Whoa, touched a nerve there.

Lazy Susan, how do you feel?

I feel great! I can't even remember what was wrong,

or what I'm doing here, or if I'm a man or a woman.

Your memories will be safe with us,

buried in the hall of the forgotten.

Into the hall of the forgotten.

Into the hall of the forgotten.

Good chanting, boys. Have you been practicing?

Meeting adjourned.

- Unsee you later. - Oh. Unsee you later.

- Unsee you later. - Unsee you later.

Amazing. A secret society of evil mind erasers.

I'll bet they erased your memory a long time ago.

If we could find where your memories have been hidden,

it could be the key to unlocking all the mysteries of Gravity Falls.

All right, Mabel, Wendy, you two stay here

and make sure those robe guys don't come back.

- Whooo! Girls club. - Soos, you, me, and McGucket

are gonna go find the hall of the forgotten.

Whoa!

Follow that hat!

Halt! Is someone there?

Aah! What do we do? Where do we go?

Man, these are really poorly made.

I could've sworn I heard someone.

Probably just the janitor kissing that wax settler woman again.

Woof! Remind me to erase that from my memory.

- Whew! - There it is. Hurry!

Whoa!

Honey fogelin', salt lickin' skullduggery.

Man, you have got to teach me some of those old-man swear words.

I just don't get it, Wendy.

I hug a lot, I can burp the alphabet,

I have scratch and sniff clothing.

- Why does every boy leave me? - Pfft, who cares? Boys are the worst.

You shouldn't get hung up, man.

Maybe I come on too strong, you know?

Well, what's your opener? Pretend I'm a boy.

Mmm, testosterone.

Hi. I'm Mabel! I'm 12 and own a pig!

Wanna get married?!

Honestly? That was perfect.

You should just forget about guys, man.

Wendy, that's it. "Forget about guys!"

I just need to type "summer romances" into this thing,

and I won't feel bad about them anymore.

Whoa, hold up, Mabel. We don't even know what that thing does.

You could accidentally erase, like,

learning to read or breathe or...

Or one of those terrible summer songs you can't get out of your head?

Look at all these tubes.

People must've been getting their memories erased all over town.