Younger

Good morning.

- Ha. - Good morning.

Ah.

- What? - Huh.

Ha, that's weird.

I can't move my arm.

Oh... that's as far up as it'll go.

That is weird.

What sort of sexual wizardry did you perform on me last night?

If anyone was doing any wizardry, babe, it was definitely you.

Look at the... look at the difference between the two.

- All right, let me see this. - Easy, don't...

You would prefer me not to break your arm?

- I would prefer that, yes. - All right, all right.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! - Ah, okay!

- Okay, okay, okay. - Ah!

- Strange. - So strange.

- That's as far as it goes? - Yeah.

- Hmm... Does this hurt? - Yep.

- How 'bout this? - Yep.

- This? - Yep.

I think there's a pattern forming here.

I'll tell you what you've got here. Adhesive capsulitis.

That doesn't sound good.

They also call it "40-year-old shoulder."

"40-year-old shoulder"?

Happens to some people around the age of 40.

Ligaments tighten up for no reason.

It works itself out in about a week or so.

Just won't be able to raise your arm above a "heil."

That's... inconvenient.

They have no idea what causes it, or...

Sure they do: Age.

Just the kind of thing that starts happening in your 40s.

You know, you're losing your reproductive function,

so nature deems you unnecessary and therefore ready for decay.

Bone density goes. Your elasticity goes. Your eyesight goes.

With women, there's often a thinning of the walls of the...

Uh, let's just stick to the shoulder, okay?

Well, that'll be fine.

Just might want to start taking some Calcium.

It's always good to get a head start.

- (forced laugh) - Calcium.

- I'm sorry you had to hear all that. - Oh, it's okay.

Uh, we better get busy, though,

before you fall apart.

- There's no book? - There is no book.

There never was a book. There will never be a book.

- We are totally screwed. - I can't believe Jade just blew through

her entire advance like that and live-tweeted it.

Well, she didn't blow through the entire advance.

I mean, there's still $1,200 left.

Ugh, what are we gonna do?

I'm gonna lay low for morning meeting.

Okay? Wait for lunch. We'll talk about it.

In the meantime, not a word to Charles or Diana.

- Okay? - Okay.

You wanted to see me?

I just got off the phone with Hugh Shirley's agent.

He wanted me to know, before Hugh's pitch today,

Achilles just made a pre-emptive offer on "The Male Feminist."

Oh, for God's sake. What, they kill all the bookstores,

and now they have to come after the authors too?

But Hugh would rather not go to Achilles.

Really?

Authors are starting to hate them too. There's a backlash.

That's why the agent was giving me the head's up.

I think we still have a great chance to land this today.

Oh, no, we must. I mean, this could be huge.

- It's totally in the zeitgeist. - Couldn't agree more.

I want you to take the lead on this.

I need you on your game today.

I will be gamier than ever.

I was... I'll be in my office.

Liza.

Do I have everything there is on Hugh Shirley?

Uh, actually, I just pulled up one of his lectures.

It's called "Crushing The Patriarchy From Within."

I cued it up for you.

I'm wearing a bosom. Why?

Because while a man can never truly know

what it's like to be a woman,

it doesn't mean he can't try.

And...

Ladies and gentlemen, I have never felt more beautiful.

Oh, good Lord, what a...

powerful, powerful message...

A message that, if I have my way, will be heard by every man, woman,

and post-pubescent child in this country.

I am not going to sell this as a book.

No, I'm going to sell this as an anthem,

a call to action for a new generation.

In my mind, "The Male Feminist"

is "The Feminine Mystique" for the 21st century.

And in Empirical's hands,

you'll be nothing less than the new Betty Friedan.

And she would be my point person?

She would.

Then I'm interested.

On one condition:

That we make a deal and then

you pay me 77 cents on the dollar for that deal.

I want to be paid like a woman,

and I want that to be part of the campaign.

That is brilliant.

I think we can arrange that.

Then let's make a book.

Liza? Uh, where are we on the Jade Winslow book?

- Are we on track? - Yeah, uh...

Yea... absolutely.

Didn't she promise us a first chapter by now?

Yes. Yes, she did.

- And? - And... it...

is so good.

- Uh, great. When can I read it? - Uh, well, um,

Kelsey's just going over it with a fine-toothed comb.

- You know how dedicated she is. - Yeah.

I'd like to read it tomorrow.

I will tell her that.

Great.

Tomorrow?

- Why would you tell him that? - He had me cornered.

- What could I say? - Anything but that!

You can't promise pages that we don't have.

I know. I just... I panicked.

Oh, God.

I guess it's time to tell Charles. Mm. So long, Millennial.

It was fun while it lasted.

Oh, God. Just what I need.

- Who's that? - Brad Westlake.

He's such a dick.

We interned together. He was so far up everyone's ass,

they called him "The Butt Plug." Now he's at Achilles, obviously.

Kelsey Peters. Gorgeous as ever.

Brad Westlake. It's good to see you.

This is Liza Miller, my associate.

Hi, it's nice to... ow! I'm sorry.

I fell off the elliptical this morning, and I sprained my arm.

What? I didn't know that.

Oh, it's nothing.

Congrats on, uh, getting your own imprint.

Congratulations on being at Achilles.

- You're a-killin' it. - Yeah...

In fact, you guys are killin' all of us.

Amazingly, people are actually boycotting us.

Let's face it. I mean, it's never gonna last.

In the end, money...

always wins, right?

So give me a call when you're ready to play with the big dogs.

"Money always wins"?

Who actually says that?

Speaking of money,

Jade just blew her last $1,200.

Oh, God. On what?

A diamond pacifier.

Official time of death, 1:26 p.m.

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

All we need is one chapter, right?

Yeah.

- Well, you're looking at it. - What?

She basically posts every moment of her life online.

It's like she's been writing her autobiography.

- 140 characters at a time. - That's true.

We already own all of her social media.

I just need to add a little narrative,

come up with some imaginative profanity.

- I could do that in a night. - That's one chapter.

How are you gonna write the rest of the book?

I may not have to.

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I loved you in "Flashdance."

Oh. Thank you.

Wow.

Look at that.

Yeah, she's inspired by a Hindu warrior goddess.

She represents fearlessness and patience.

Ugh, it's amazing, isn't it?

I mean, look at her. She could stab a guy

and give nine handies at the same time.

- That's one perspective. - Oh, my God.

You know who would love this? Hector and Dorff.

They could install this in their flagship store.

It's opening in a couple days. Do you mind if I show it to them?

Knock yourself out.

Ah, it's perfect.

Thank you.

Oh, Lauren, we're still on for later, right?

Absolutely. You're in my squad, girl.

- What's that about? - I need her devious mind.

Well, take it. I need the devious rest of her.

Is she living here now?

Eh, you know what they say.

What does a lesbian bring to a second date?