Bob's Burgers

Here she comes. It's go time.

One, two, three.

Happy Mother's Day!

- Aw. - We made you a card.

It has a picture of you giving birth to all of us,

and you're saying, "Ow-chi-wah-wah!"

Ooh. It's so graphic, but I love it.

Happy Mother's Day, Lin. I snuck out early this morning

and bought bacon and eggs and berries,

and I was gonna make a special Mother's Day breakfast.

But I didn't get started yet 'cause I went to the bathroom,

and it took, um, it took a long time.

Aw, that's really sweet, but I've actually got

a little Mother's Day idea.

Today, all of you have to say yes to me, no matter what,

because on this Mother's Day, I am all-powerful,

I am mom-nipotent!

That's hot. I like a mom who takes control.

What if you snap and ask us to murder somebody?

You'd have to do it, 'cause it's Mother's Day.

- Hmm. - Okay, Your Momnipotency,

uh, what do you want to do today?

Well, Ginger was telling me about the open houses

on Kingshead Island.

Not only do you get to walk through

beautiful homes for sale,

apparently, the realtors put out amazing finger food.

- Go on. - It's all free.

We'll act rich, we'll take the tours, and we'll eat our way

- around Kingshead Island. - I-I don't know.

And you have to say yes 'cause it's Mother's Day,

and I'm mom-nipotent.

Isn't it wrong to pretend we're buying a house

to eat free food that isn't for us?

Don't worry, these richy riches can afford to feed us.

Oh, but before we leave, all of you have to bathe,

'cause you all look a little gross.

But I love you. Happy Mother's Day!

So, uh, none of you wanted to dress up

to do the whole rich family thing?

- I changed my walk. Look. - Damn.

Uh, well, I'm gonna go buy a snack.

- Watch my walk. - Oh, he looks so tired.

- Hmm. Kind of hard to open, huh? - Lot of plastic wrap.

It's like they don't want us to get to the muffin.

- But we're gonna, aren't we? - Yeah. Yeah, we are, eventually.

Are you going to Kingshead Island?

Yeah. I'm going to my mother's house.

- Do you live on Kingshead? - Oh, God, no. We're poor.

We're just gonna go for the day to check out open houses.

Wait, if y-you're poor, why are you going to open houses?

Oh, 'cause my wife is forcing us

to go and eat the free food they give out.

- Oh, so you mean lie. - No, we're-we're just gonna

pretend to be people that are different from...

Yeah, lie, lie.

- We're gonna lie. - Hey, I did it!

Ugh, I feel like I'm still 20 minutes away, but...

You'll get there.

We're very rich, we're here to buy a house,

so when we get in there, don't go right for the food.

Just play it cool.

Oh, my God, look at that spread!

- Lin, calm down. - Look at it!

- Lin. - Okay, you're right.

I'll calm down. I'm just gonna touch a shrimp.

Oh, they're real.

Wow, they have a downstairs that's not a restaurant.

Tina, get in character.

So, now we've seen the guest house.

Where's the main house? Oh.

This is the main house?

Oh, why, it's so cute.

I think we should buy it as a vacation home for my ferrets.

Oh, okay, kids, go upstairs, and, uh,

you pick out your rooms.

- I call dibs on the biggest one! - Hell no! I'm the oldest!

Oh!

My room has its own bathroom!

- Mine, too! - So does mine!

Mine has a huge shower!

Mine just has a sink and a toilet.

- A half bath? - You disgust me!

You know what's weird? I think you might be

- a little overdressed. - Yeah, I know.

All the rich ladies are wearing yoga pants.

Well, at least I'm doing a great job

acting like I'm not here for the free food.

Look how casual I am when I eat this shrimp.

Lin, you're moaning when you chew.

It's shrimp, Bob.

- Hi. - Oh, God.

- That's my wife. She's... - Oh, ooh, one more.

- One more. - She's eating shrimp.

Ah, I'm limp from shrimp.

Well, this is it, the last house.

We're being watched. Realtor at three o'clock.

- That guy? - No, that's nine o'clock.

- That guy? - No, that's Gene.

- 'Sup, girl? - Uh, okay.

Uh, kids, go pick out your rooms.

As you wish, Mother.

Cute kids. Happy Mother's Day.

Aw, thank you.

I'm Julia. This is my listing. Chocolate covered strawberry?

Okay, I might have one. Or four.

I love your dress.

Some of these other ladies should take a lesson from you.

I know, right? Yoga pants to an open house?

Come on.

They just come to snoop around and eat the free food.

- Can you believe that? - What?!

Ooh, clogs! Let me guess. Are you a chef?

Do you have a restaurant?

- I-I do. - Which one?

Uh, it's, uh, a little, out of the way bistro

that serves f... uh, food.

Mmm, that sounds good.

Can I say something that might seem a little out of bounds?

Uh, sure.

I don't know if you belong here.

Uh, what-what do you mean?

I think you're too interesting for this house.

Yeah.

Oh, you're right, we are.

I just got a new listing. It could be a good fit for you.

I can get you into a private showing right now.

- Oh, no, that's okay. We got to go. - I'm listening.

It's a Victorian mansion. Old school Kingshead.

- Ooh. - Lin.

- Lots of character. - Character.

I should tell you, it does have some "old house" issues.

- Old house issues. - Oh, my God.

Lin, uh, quick talk, please, uh, right now.

A private showing is very different

from an open house, Lin. Plus, I don't think

we should waste this realtor's time.

What? She makes a ton of money doing this stuff.

Look, I'm mom-nipotent, so say yes.

- Yes. - All right!

Let's go buy Mama a new house!

Thanks for the ride. We don't have our car.

We took the boat here.

Oh, you don't live on Kingshead?

I mean, our boat. Uh, we took our boat here,

from our island... Uh, we have a little island.

- It's nothing. - Wow. Here we are.

Okay, let me just clear some stuff out of the backseat.

Just this... oh, God!

These things are a pain to get out.

Oh, you're a mom.

Uh, happy Mother's Day.

Thanks. Yeah, I'm only 12 weeks

into being a mom, but I'm loving it.

I'm also not sleeping, my boobs hurt,

- and I'm up to my neck in poop. - Been there.

Well, hop in. Let's go check out your new home.

So, uh, how long you been selling houses for?

Well, these are my first two listings.

We got pregnant, and I decided it was time for a career change.

And if I don't go broke buying all that food

for the open houses, it'll be worth it.

Oh, my goodness.

Ooh, gas station. Do you mind, real quick?

I've been running on empty.

Be right back.

Oh, my God, Lin, we-we can't go to this house.

We need to leave, now.

I'm really uncomfortable with this situation.

- And with Gene on my lap. - You love it.

I've got Dad on my lap.

Oh, sorry. There you are.

This is awful. She's so sweet and normal

and a new mom, and it's Mother's Day.

Lin, let's just tell her something came up,

and we'll take a cab to the ferry.

- Yeah, yeah. Let's do that. - Okay, I put in three bucks.

That should get us there.

Uh, hey, Julia, so something, uh...

You know, I actually thought I might lose this listing

'cause I only found one couple to come look at the house.

But now that I'm bringing you,

I think everything is gonna be okay.

Oh, uh, well, let's go see this house already, huh?

All right, so the owner is also here.

I called him before we left. This was his mom's house,

and he really wants to sell it to a nice family, like you guys.

Okay, let's just go in, take the tour, and leave.

Doesn't feel good lying to her, but at least we won't get caught.

Learning some strong lessons from you today, Mom.

Look, we shouldn't be doing this,

and your mom has made some bad judgments today,

but it-it'll be fine.

Nobody knows we're poor people who came over on the ferry.

- Oh. Um... hi. - Oh, my God.

Um, h-hello.

Spencer, this is Bob, Linda and their kids.

Hi, Linda, kids, Bob.

Spencer, so I, uh, I feel like, uh...

Bob, let me stop you right there and say,