Shining Vale

Previously, on Shining Vale...

When your mom and I saw it, we fell in love with it.

In other words, mom boned some rando,

-so we had to move here. -Hey, no! It's not about that.

I'm gonna be using the attic as my writing annex.

- Oh, you're a writer? - If we don't get

the first chapter next month, I want the advance back.

Please.

You look like you're auditioning for Pornhub.

You don't wanna be known as "that girl."

You make an age-appropriate friend, okay?

There's something very wrong with this house.

I saw someone downstairs.

I didn't see anything. I mean, nothing unusual.

Do you think I'm going crazy?

Patricia.

What are you doing in my house?

It's fucking hot.

What?

Gaynor?

Roxy!

Roxy?

Roxy?

Don't go in there.

Use your words, Patricia.

Ow!

Uh! Ow!

Oh, God.

Oh, God!

Sorry, sorry. It's a work alarm.

Oh, my God.

Sorry, let me get it. Shh, shh, shh.

- Ohh... - I got it.

Ow! Are you serious?

- Ow! - Ow. Sorry.

Shh, shh, shh, shh. Go to sleep.

I had a bad dream.

Seriously?

Get in.

Okay.

- Oh, my God. - Failsafe alarm.

I'll get it.

- Holy fuckin' shit! - Everything okay?

Terry, remember the woman

that I saw when we first moved in?

The woman outside the window

or the woman in the family room?

-That's the same woman. -Oh.

Anyway, I don't know if she's a ghost,

but she keeps popping up in my dreams, and last night...

It's probably a stress dream. I used to have

-these fantastical dreams... -I know, I know.

Back in business school, and you forgot to study

-for your accounting final. -It was International Finance.

-Accounting I would have aced. -Okay, well, in my dream,

she burned me with a cigarette.

-Oh, Pat. Come on. -And look...

Oh, my God. Wow!

Does it hurt if I do this?

-Ow! -Sorry. I'm sorry.

Let me see. Look at that. It's...

-What is wrong with you? -Sorry. It's probably a burn.

I just told you it was a burn.

Yeah, but I don't believe you dreamed that onto your arm.

I-I think that you were cooking bacon

and maybe some grease splattered.

When was the last time I made bacon?

When was the last time a ghost burned you with a cigarette?

It seemed so real.

Well, I just read that moving

is the second biggest cause of stress dreams, so...

What's number one?

Marital strife, I think.

Yeah.

-I'm gonna say hi to the kids. -Yeah. Let's say hi.

-Morning, kids. -Bro, you shot my nutsack off.

Fine.

Is this thing broken again?

Can we please just get a normal coffee maker?

No, no, no. It's not a prison cafeteria.

It's a little temperamental.

You just gotta play with the sweet spot... let me.

All right?

-Why are you so covered up? -Maybe I don't need to

use my body to define my self-worth.

Well, since they had to pixelate

your tenth grade class picture, I'm not buying it.

What is it? 'Cause you have a hickey?

Let me see. Do you have a tattoo?

Mom.

Get off of me!

Since when do you wear a cross?

Okay. You know, I'm allowed to have spirituality in my life.

Jesus Christ, get off my ass.

Bro, back off.

Who you talking to, buddy?

Fred, a boy I met in the Oculus.

There is no boy named Fred.

Fred is the name of a 49-year-old pedophile

in dolphin shorts who's trying to groom you

to live in an ice cream van.

You wanted me to make a friend?

I made a friend. You can't have it both ways.

Hey, hey, hey. Phelps family.

Let's all take it down about three notches, okay?

Can we please hire someone to speed up that doorbell?

Mm, yeah, what happened to our old handyman?

Okay.

Shit!

It was stuck.

I'll get it.

Hi. Is Gaynor around?

Uh, yeah. Hold on. Gaynor.

-'Sup, Ryan? -'Sup, Gaynor?

Oh, Jesus!

I'm Valerie He.

Oh, this is my mom. We live next door.

Hi, I'm Pat.

I've seen you around.

Seems our children have developed a friendship.

Yeah, we met when Gaynor was signing up

for the Chastity Club.

Hope you also signed up for the Time Travel Club.

Mm, aww.

Mom, please shut the fuck up.

Do you wanna wait in the car?

Uh, yeah.

Would you like me to take him?

Oh. Yeah.

But we have a no returns policy.

That's just a joke. He's my favorite.

I know you're not supposed to say that, but...

Ah...

Uh, Jake. Grab your stuff.

Mrs. He is gonna take you to school.

Oh, okay.

No, in real life, honey. Christ almighty.

It's getting closer.

-It's reached out. -I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

It senses your weakness.

Okay. Gotcha.

-Jake, let's go. -Do not give in.

Okay. Jake, now!

Have a good day at school.

-Please don't ignore this. -Okay.

Who was that? Patty make a new friend?

No. Patty met a weird fucking neighbor.

Oh, my God. Did you just feel that?

-Nope. -I'm telling you,

there's something s-seriously wrong here.

No, no, no, Pat. We've been through this.

We're not moving, Pat. We can't.

And there's nothing wrong with this house.

Oh, my God.

No, there's...

Oh, Pat, get in here.

Look at this.

It's an old growth chart.

Aw. Daisy.

I always wish we'd done one of these with our kids.

Maybe we should start.

I think they're done growing.

Well, then we can do us.

Mark how we shrink as we get older.

You don't think that was fucking weird

that the door just slammed?

Nope. It's a... that's a rusty spring hinge.

I bet I pop a little WD-40 on that,

there goes your ghost.

- Hah! - God, why?

Hello, old friend.

Honey...

you seen the lubricant?

Ah.

Motherfucker!

I told you,

Frank must have left his drill at our old place,

and the movers packed it.

There's nothing more to it.

Right. I think it just reminds me of the time

that I hired him to fix our sink

and you had sex with him in our kitchen, so...

Terry, how are you dealing with your anger?

How do you deal with your anger?

Hey, Terry, he's just trying to help.

Sorry. I just... I'm good.

Good. Chopping wood.

I just push it all down.

Terry, you can't just bottle it up.

Unchecked anger can build into unfiltered rage.

-Pat's seeing ghosts. -What?

Not ghosts. You make me sound like a loon.

I've seen one ghost.

It's a '50s housewife that keeps popping up.

Are you taking your anti-depressants?

Yes, I am, and they're not working.

My depression is off the fucking charts.

Are you exercising? Eating right?

Have you made any friends in town?

No, I don't think you have.