Mascarpone (Maschile singolare)

They say this is not the best time to come to the gym...

Pardon me?

I mean...

This is the best time of the day to come to the gym.

There's no one!

Is it always like this?

Yes.

You can only find some retired old man or some bored trophy wife.

Which category do you fit?

MASCARPONE

Hey Antonio.

Honey!

You're home already.

What's up?

Where the hell did I put it?

Enrico texted you: he asks if you already told him.

Please be nice and text him back.

Antonio, I asked you to cut down on the baking.

- Honey... - This is not a bakery house!

Will you let me handle this?

You sounded so gloomy earlier on the phone...

Why don't you help me out? Come on.

There's mascarpone in the fridge.

Top shelf...

The white one. Bravo, that's it!

What's on the menu, besides tiramisù?

I'll take care of dinner, don't worry.

It's just I'm kinda hungry right now...

Okay, let me fix this.

You can have a cookie. Careful: it's hot!

Wait. Go and wash your hands first.

80 euro a month is a cheap fee.

There's a swimming pool,

a fully equipped room with all the machines...

There's also a tennis court!

It's open until late at night during the week...

I saw a story on Paolo's Instagram half an hour ago...

We can subscribe for 80 euro each month,

so that we're not committed or anything, in case we lose our interest, as we did before.

Honey.

No...

Antonio.

Antonio...

Antonio.

I think some exercise would do us good.

I don't want to patronize,

but you should do something for your back problems.

It would do you good.

It's not like we have to work out until we look like Pietro Boselli...

What do you say?

Honey, what's wrong?

Eh?

Things have been bad for some time now.

Tell me.

I'm not happy at work,

as well as home...

You don't know how hard it is, how weary I've grown lately, the thoughts I've had.

You never really cared.

What are you talking about?

But I smile to you when you come home at night...

- And I make you dinner, I hug you... - Because everything is always perfect for you!

You live in your own world. It's not like that!

Honey, that's not because I don't see that you're upset!

It's because I try my best to make you happy!

You've got to quit trying.

There's no use in trying to save something that doesn't work anymore!

The ugly truth, Antonio, is that we don't love each other anymore. Enough!

Speak for yourself.

I'll speak for myself.

Do I have to?

I'm in love with Enrico.

We've loved each other for a year and a half.

You love... Who?

Enrico.

Enrico?

Enrico.

Enrico... Enrico, Lorenzo?

He's fugly, Lorenzo! What the fuck?

Are you kidding me?

I thought it was just a fling,

something bound to end quickly and that there would be no need to talk about it.

Of course.

Forgive my curiosity.

What do you mean "a year and a half"?

Since the trip to Croatia?

Yes.

And you never noticed anything.

You only see what your eyes want to see!

Of course! It's my fault now, because I've never noticed anything!

Lorenzo tell me you're joking, or else I don't know what I'm going to do to you.

Listen, Antonio: I'm sorry, okay?

That's how life goes.

Life's made of moments we cannot foresee,

things that happens with no apparent reason and change.

And... Puff!

"Puff"?

Antonio, it's over now.

Antonio, all good things come to an end.

Of course! So the "thing" with Enrico was a good one!

I'm not talking about Enrico.

So now we have gay divorce as well?

What else are you gays going to conquer next, Champions League on Wednesdays?

I need to find a new place, Cristina.

You can sleep on my couch if you want...

No, thanks. It's important I give him a strong signal.

A signal?

Yes! That I'm serious about this. That we're breaking up.

Now I'm going to find a new place and I move all my stuff there.

I'm so confused right now, Cristina.

The other day he even asked me if I had started packing already.

- Did he? - You see?

Of course I was so shaken.

He tried to confort me and hugged me... We made love, eventually.

Oh, well!

Do you want to know what he told me the next day?

That nothing had changed and he didn't want to confuse me.

Amazing. That's not confusing at all...

Hey stud!

Hello, honey!

What's up?

Is everything all right?

Sure...

Listen honey, I gave Magda the Studio Pollina files.

Galli confirmed the meeting at 3.

Oh, good. Perfect!

Listen, buddy.

I had a chat with my friends at the gym.

They never saw you there.

Why?

I gave you a coupon for a free trial...

Yes, I know. We need to evaluate and decide...

No.

"We need to evaluate", "we have to decide"... It's not okay!

Would you like to look empowered like Freddie Mercury at Wembley '86?

You need to exercise.

Workout, workout, workout!

Look at me: I'm telling you because I care about you. I really do!

What is your husband doing?

He's working his ass at the office all the time!

But you don't do anything: you're a couch potato!

Don't be your own worst enemy.

Listen Paolo: please be a good boy and let us finish our lunch.

What?

Let us finish our lunch...

Lunch?

- Lunch. - Lunch? Come here, you're my lunch!

Excuse me. I need to lunch as well...

Carbs are no good for you.

I'm off to the gym, you retired old man!

I don't understand how you can let that dumbass kiss you like that in public...

Hey listen! Just think about all the times I've witnessed

all the crazy sex stuff you and your friends used to do when we went clubbing.

Maybe this time I found a guy a little above the average.

Don't be a downer and face the fact that I got lucky this time, for a change.

Do you remember Fulvio, the nerd who was hooked on Magic?

Plus, Paolo and I work together, it's convenient.

Why didn't you tell him about Lorenzo?

Denis?

Come in...

Hurry up: some guy is coming to rent a room.

I'm not surprised, it's such a nice neighborhood...

So you're the guy who's looking for a room!

Come now, let's have some coffee.

Is this your house?

No: I'm squatting.

Of course it's my house.

I inherited it from a wealthy aunt from my mother's side.

I usually rent to tourists.

But it's so exhausting, every three days

check them in, check them out. Open the door, close the door.

Japanese tourists that enter the toilet and take pictures even while I'm peeing.

The Wi-Fi password!

I can imagine...

The truth is that a flatmate would be convenient to share the bills and other expenses.

But then I have a terrible temper, peculiar habits and an OCD.

I don't mean to intrude, but... What do you mean by "peculiar habits"?

That I don't like having people around minding my own fucking business.

In every way.

Okay...

Now look. I need to rent a room for two or three weeks. One month, tops.

I'm probably not going to use it, but I need to move some stuff in there.

You're right. Maybe I should explain.

I am married.

And Lorenzo, my husband...

He kinda asked me for a break.

So I would like to give him a signal, you know?

Yes, okay. Now tell me about you...

I am Cancer and my rising sign is Virgo.

I like to bake.

- I studied Greek and Latin... - No. You got it wrong.

What do you do for a living?

I'm-I'm an architect.

Oh. An architect, how cute!

It's 200 euro a week, bills included.

C'est tout.

"C'est tout", in French, means "Go!"

Oh yes! Sure.

I'll let you know as soon as possible!

Sure.

- Ciao! - Ciao.