Parks and Recreation

- MISS LESLIE KNOPE, I PRESENT TO YOU HERB SCAIFER.

- AGAIN, ANDY, YOU DON'T NEED TO BOW.

AS YOU WISH, MA'AM.

- OKAY, HERB, WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?

- WELL, PLEASE PREPARE YOURSELF, I HAVE TERRIBLE NEWS.

YOU DO?

- THE WORLD IS GOING TO END TOMORROW AT DAWN.

- AW NUTS. YOU SURE IT'S TOMORROW?

- AFRAID SO. RIGHT AT DAWN.

- MM-HMM. - THE ENTIRE PLANET--

GONE.

- NOT GIVING ME MUCH NOTICE, HERB.

LET ME SEE WHAT I CAN DO. - OKAY.

FOR A WHILE IN THE 1970s,

OUR TOWN WAS RUN BY A FREAKY CULT.

EVERY FEW YEARS, THE REMAINING MEMBERS

PREDICT THE WORLD'S GONNA END,

AND THEY HAVE AN ALL-NIGHT VIGIL IN THE PARK.

IT'S SUPER ANNOYING.

TURNS OUT WHEN YOU THINK THE WORLD'S ENDING,

YOU DON'T AIM SO CAREFULLY IN THE PORT-A-POTTIES.

*

- TONIGHT, THE FOLLOWERS OF REASONABLEISM

WILL BE JOINING TOGETHER TO AWAIT THE RETURN OF ZORP.

THE GIANT LIZARD GOD WHO WILL DESTROY THE EARTH

WITH HIS CLEANSING FIRE OF JUDGMENT.

ALSO, LIGHT REFRESHMENTS WILL BE SERVED.

- OH, LAST YEAR, THEY HAD PIZZA.

ARE THEY GOING TO GET PIZZA AGAIN?

- UM, SAYS THEY'VE GOT TURKEY SANDWICHES

AND THE NECTAR OF A THOUSAND SORROWS.

OH, THAT IS SO GOOD.

IT'S ROOT BEER AND RED WINE.

I WENT TO ONE MEETING.

WAIT!

I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, ENORMOUS CHAIR.

YOU REALLY SAT IN THIS THING?

YEAH, I LOVED IT.

FELT LIKE A TINY KING.

T-CUPS, WE DID IT, BABY!

WE BUILT A COMPANY FROM THE GROUND-UP.

- AND THEN WE RAN IT BACK INTO THE GROUND.

- WELL, THE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER

IS IT WAS A MASSIVE SUCCESS.

REMY MARTIN?

- WELL, ENTERTAINMENT720 IS DEAD.

IT'S UP IN COMPANY HEAVEN.

MY COMPANY IS NO BETTER THAN A COMPANY WHERE YOU ASK

A FAKE BUTLER TO GOOGLE THINGS FOR YOU.

HELLO!

- SO IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL EACH END UP WITH ABOUT $5,000 APIECE.

- STOP.

WE GET FIVE G'S EACH? THAT'S AMAZING!

YOU STARTED OUT WITH 450,000.

- HEY, YOU REMEMBER WHEN DJ BLUNTZ

MADE US OUR OWN PERSONAL ENTRANCE BEATS?

- REMEMBER THE OPENING NIGHT PARTY WHEN YOU DANCED SO HARD

WITH TESSA THE RECEPTIONIST THAT YOU BROKE ONE OF YOUR RIBS?

- IT NEVER HEALED PROPERLY.

- - EVERY BREATH IS AGONY, SON.

STOP.

SO WHAT'S NEXT, TOMMY DAVIDSON?

I SAY WE INVEST OUR TEN LARGE

AND THEN I "ACCIDENTALLY" GET RUN OVER BY A CITY BUS

AND WE START OUR OWN HIP-HOP LABEL.

- LISTEN, WE COULD PLAY IT SAFE,

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT E720 WAS ALL ABOUT.

NO IT WAS NOT.

- WE HAVE THIS PLACE FOR ONE MORE NIGHT, RIGHT?

WE'RE OUTTIE TOMORROW AT NOON.

- WHAT IF WE TOOK EVERY DIME WE HAD LEFT,

THREW ONE LAST PARTY.

MADE IT THE ESSENCE

OF EVERYTHING WE WANTED THE COMPANY TO BE.

A PARTY...

FOR THE END OF THE WORLD.

- SHH! YOU HAD ME AT "EVERY DIME WE HAVE LEFT."

BECAUSE I'M IN LIKE LARA FLYNN...

BOYLE...FROM THE PRACTICE.

both: DILLY DILLY DILLY DILLY DILLY DILLY DILLY SWAG!

- WHY DOES THE CULT CALL THEMSELVES THE REASONABLEISTS?

- WELL, THEY FIGURE IF PEOPLE CRITICIZE THEM

IT'LL SEEM LIKE THEY'RE

ATTACKING SOMETHING VERY REASONABLE.

THAT'S WEIRDLY BRILLIANT.

- LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

THEY'VE SAID THAT THE WORLD IS GOING TO END 15 TIMES.

AND THE ONLY BAD THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED

ON ANY OF THOSE DATES IS

LANCE ARMSTRONG DUMPING SHERYL CROW.

- THAT WAS A TRAGIC DAY. - HMM.

LIVE STRONG.

IN ANY RATE, I THINK BEN AND I SHOULD ACCOMPANY YOU TONIGHT.

- OH, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TO DO THAT.

NO, NO, NO, I INSIST.

THESE PEOPLE LIVE ON PLANET NUTBRAIN.

I LIVE ON PLANET NUT BRAN.

BRAN AND NUTS ARE VERY HELPFUL FOR YOUR COLON!

- OH, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE KIND OF FORCED

TO HANG OUT WITH EACH OTHER.

- YEAH, LISTEN, I'LL--I'LL COME FOR A BIT,

BUT IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU, I'M NOT GOING TO STAY.

IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, STILL KIND OF WEIRD, RIGHT?

- YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, MM-HMM, TOTALLY GET IT.

DEFINITELY GET IT.

BEN AND I DON'T HANG OUT MUCH THESE DAYS.

BIG DEAL, LOTS OF PEOPLE DON'T HANG OUT.

JERRY AND APRIL. OBAMA AND MADONNA, PROBABLY.

WE'RE IN GOOD COMPANY.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO TONIGHT?

- I DON'T KNOW, I JUST FIGURE WE'LL JUST ORDER SOME PIZZA.

YOU WATCH ME PLAY XBOX,

AND THEN I COULD WATCH YOU MAKE SOME PRANK PHONE CALLS?

WE GET HAMMERED? MAKE OUT?

WE DO THAT EVERY NIGHT.

- THAT'S BECAUSE REPETITION IS THE KEY TO A GOOD MARRIAGE.

LET'S DO SOMETHING WEIRD.

COME ON, IT COULD BE THE LAST NIGHT ON EARTH.

- WE COULD DO SOMETHING OFF MY BUCKET LIST.

YOU HAVE A BUCKET LIST?

- CATCH THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN AT THE SUPER BOWL.

MAKE THE MOST AMAZING GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICH EVER.

WIN THE LOTTERY. RIDE A UNICYCLE.

INVENT SOMETHING. FLY FIRST CLASS ON A PLANE.

AND WHEN PEOPLE ARE WALKING BY, BE LIKE THIS.

GO SKYDIVING. OUTRUN A HIPPO.

I'D LIKE TO REMAKE THE MOVIE SHAZAAM WITH SHAQUILLE O'NEAL

WHERE HE PLAYS A GENIE AND I'D LIKE TO GET IT RIGHT.

TEACH MY SON... TO THROW THE PERFECT SPIRAL.

HAVE A SON.

- ALL RIGHT, WELL, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE DOING TONIGHT.

WAIT, WHICH ONE?

WE COULD CHANGE MY CELL PHONE PLAN!

THAT WOULD BE FUN. - NO, THIS ONE.

- 800, 900, 1,000. -

- YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IS LEFT IN THE BANK ACCOUNT?

- EIGHTEEN DOLLARS AND FOUR CENTS.

- WHOA! STILL A LOT LEFT OVER.

- OKAY, YOU WANTED TO HOLD $1,000 CASH IN YOUR HANDS,

THAT'S SUPER DISAPPOINTING.

998, 999, 1000.

YES!

NOW THIS IS WHAT I IMAGINED!

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THIS MUCH CASH IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE?

I JUST HANDED IT TO YOU.

NICKELS!

I WANT NICKELS.

A BILLION NICKELS! - NO, ANDY.

- HEY, HERB? - YEAH.

- SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. - YEAH, SURE.

- LESLIE SAID YOU STILL NEED TO PAY FOR THE PERMIT.

IT'S 28 DOLLARS.

OH, I'M SORRY.

HERE'S A CHECK.

YOU CAN CASH THAT...TOMORROW.

EVENING GENTLEMEN, LADIES.

all: HEY, RON! - HAIL ZORP.

- HOW ARE YOU? - I'M GREAT.

IT IS A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT FOR THE END OF THE WORLD.

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU FOR REACHING THE FINISH LINE.

THE ZORPIES ARE RIDICULOUS.

BUT, LIKE THE FOUNDING FATHERS,

I BELIEVE IN ABSOLUTE FREEDOM OF RELIGION.

ALSO THEIR CEREMONIES REQUIRE THE PLAYING OF FLUTES.

I HAPPEN TO MAKE FLUTES IN MY WOOD SHOP.

FLUTES ARE $80 APIECE.

AND RECORDERS ARE 150.

HEY, THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

WOULD YOU TAKE A CHECK?

SURE.

WELCOME TO E720'S

END OF THE WORLD CELEBRATION.

THE ENTIRE PARTY'S A VIP AREA.

- THERE'S ALSO A DOUBLE VIP AREA.

A TRIPLE VIP AREA.

- AND THE CENTURION CLUB ELITE VIP AREA.

SPONSORED BY SoBe LIFEWATER.

- NO ONE'S ALLOWED IN THERE, NOT EVEN US.

- UH- UH. - WE HAVE NOT ONE,

BUT SIX OPEN BARS.

AND BEST OF ALL, SNAKE JUICE ICE LUGE.

CHILL ME, T!

both: * JUICE IS SO CHILLED

- CRAPS. - ROULETTE.

ARGH, MATEY!

POWERTRIP BOUNCY CASTLE, WITH BUBBLES.

SHRIMP WALL!

AND SPECIAL VIP SHRIMP DISTRIBUTOR,

INDIANA PACERS CENTER, ROY HIBBERT.

- THIS IS ALL YOU WANT ME TO DO?

PASS OUT SHRIMP TO PEOPLE AT THE PARTY?

- YES, AND STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!

GOT A HEAD? MAYBE YOU WANT A FREE FEDORA.

WANT TO MAKE OUT? GO TO OUR MAKE OUT ROOM.

AND BEFORE YOU LEAVE, DON'T FORGET YOUR GIFT BAG.

JEAN-RALPHIO, ARE THERE ANY ANIMALS

ON THE GUEST LIST TONIGHT?

LET ME CHECK, T.T.

OH, JUST ONE.