Marlon

What's up? Welcome to "The Marlon Way."

Today, we're gonna talk about code-switching.

That's when you adapt the way you act

to match the people you're with.

For example: Obama.

When dignitaries would visit the White House,

Obama would be like, "Hello, Prime Minister.

It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

But when LeBron won the championship and the Cavs came to the White House.

Barack was like

"Yo, what up, 'Bron, 'Bron?

It's your boy, Barack."

Me? I don't code-switch.

I'm just me 24/7.

Know what I mean?

Okay, so does this dress say

"sophisticated, independent woman"?

More like "Eat at Sizzler

and smash in the back of a Dodge Stratus."

This is your dress, Yvette.

Well, that's how I know what it says.

I can't believe you got into the Avalon Society.

I've been on that club's waiting list for three years.

Now you can put in a good word for your girl.

- Yvette. - Mm-hmm.

I'm not in yet, okay?

It's just a mixer for potential new members.

But how exciting would that be, right?

Work connections, new friends.

I really need to expand my social circles.

Me too.

We could do so much better

than each other.

Wait, you're bringing Marlon, aren't you?

That would be a helluva no.

The Avalon is a group of sophisticated, mature people.

Who prefer married couples.

I've done my research, and I don't blame 'em.

Can you imagine bringing all of this

around all those well-to-do husbands?

I'm like alimony in heels.

But trust me.

You'll have a better chance of getting in

if you bring Marlon.

Ashley, check it out.

I just taught Zack how to save a fart in a jar.

Yeah, leave his ass home.

Hey, remember, let that mature

for two to three weeks,

then let it out somewhere special

like Mommy's room.

What was y'all talking about? Leave me home from what?

Oh, I'm just going to a soiree at the Avalon Club.

That's their word, not mine.

Hey, I'm down for a soiree.

I don't know what it is, but as long as it don't mean

putting fingers in weird places, I'm like...

Uh, thank you very much, but I'm fine on my own.

Ashley, I'm sure you're aware

of the Avalon's long-standing tradition

of favoring couples over singles.

See? Even Stevie knows.

And he don't even know how to comb his hair.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What does an unemployed 40-something

who lives on another man's couch

know about the Avalon Society?

A few guys from my Howell University

a cappella group are members there.

The Lil' Treblemakers.

I have an open invitation.

I'm on the waiting list,

but they're gonna let in your Top Ramen-eating ass?

Ramen is the most traded item in prison, so...

there's a fact for you.

Ashley, why wouldn't you bring me?

Listen, if being a couple

helps your chances of getting in,

let's tag team this.

Come on, you know I'm a natural icebreaker.

I also know that you

are entirely inappropriate in social settings.

Inappropriate. You name one time

- I was inappropriate. - Marley?

Wait, what are you gonna bring the babies into this for?

What did Daddy do

when you won the spelling bee last year?

"That's my baby.

I told y'all she ain't dumb."

First of all, I didn't stand in the chair,

because somebody was in it.

I was on somebody's lap.

And it was "Oh, no,

I told you my baby wasn't a stupid ass."

And that's just called parental support.

Okay, but I can be appropriate.

I have levels.

What you have is no impulse control.

You can't notice a bald guy,

a pregnant woman, or a little person

without saying something inappropriate.

Exactly. I don't discriminate.

Marlon, this club is important to me.

And if I get in, it could be very big

for my design business, okay?

You know, the fact that you don't think I can control myself

for a few hours is... is quite insulting.

Now can you pass me that jar?

I got a rumbly in my tumbly.

Good evening, I'm Ashley Wayne.

Ah, yes, Mrs. Wayne,

your plus-one is already here.

I'm sorry, my what?

Hello, darling.

What an appropriate time for you to arrive.

Marlon, what are you doing here?

I'm being appropriate.

You look like the black Professor Plum.

Board game humor?

It's inappropriate in a fine establishment like this.

Okay, Marlon, go home.

Listen, I realize I wasn't the most appropriate guy

during our marriage.

Or before, or after.

Thanks.

And I'm sorry about that,

but see, I know this is important to you,

so I'm gonna help you get into this chichi club.

Marlon, you are the last person I want here tonight.

Stephandre J. Noggle.

I'm on the list.

You're the third to last person I want here tonight.

Excuse me.

- Oh! - Hi.

Why are you treating my night at the Avalon

like UberPool?

Yvette wanted to enjoy the finer side of life.

And Stevie wanted to enjoy the freer side of food.

Ooh.

- Okay. - Mmm.

Oh! It's Karen Sinclair.

Who?

She is a design mogul,

a personal hero of mine,

but more importantly,

she heads up the membership board.

Oh.

Stay.

Karen, hi, I'm Ashley Wayne.

I'm a prospective member.

Oh. Well, nice to meet you.

I have to say, your throw pillows

this season... just magnificent.

Yes, that's all she ever talks about.

I'm sorry, forgive me.

I am Marlon, Ashley's husband.

Oh.

Enchanté.

Thank you.

You are a delightful couple.

Not nearly as delightful

as that fetching dress.

I'm sorry, was that inappropriate?

Not at all.

Mm. Not at all.

Let me introduce you two

to some of our other board members.

Okay, excuse us one second.

She's gonna introduce you to white people.

Okay, fine, you can stay.

She thinks we're delightful.

But don't touch nothing, don't ask for nothing,

and do not embarrass me in front of these people.

Damn, you sound like my mama at the grocery store.

Okay, okay.

- All right. - Okay.

Oh, hi, can I have a glass

of your best moscato?

Yvette, allow me.

Je voudrais votre meilleure bouteille

de Jacques Selosse Grand Cru Avize Extra Brut.

Hold up.

Did you just order French champagne in French?

Oui.

We don't need menus.

We'll have the beluga caviar

and oysters Rockefeller to start.

Excellent choice.

Oh.

Oysters and caviar?

How do you say "hot sauce" in French?

Sauce piquante.

Well, I've got sauce piquante...

in my bag.

This space is such a lovely balance

between traditional and modern.

I always say there's nothing more elegant

than marrying old with new.

I couldn't agree more, Karen.

I hope you stocked up on the blue pill.