The Neighbors

Aah. Blueberry.

- Thanks. - Yep.

- Kids down? - Mm-hmm.

- Kimmel? - Uh-huh.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Work good? - Uh-huh.

Bathroom.

- Kids down? - Mm-hmm.

- Sex? - Nah.

- Kimmel? - Uh-huh.

Night.

Wait.

Have we not said a single full sentence

to each other this whole week?

No.

Marty, we're in a rut.

Yeah.

Checkers?

Marty, we're in a marital rut.

I read about this in Glamour.

And Vogue.

And Elle. And Cosmo.

Wow, they really are all the same magazine.

I feel it, too. We're coasting, babe.

When was the last time we even had...

Two Thursdays ago, in between

the "Scandal" clip show and "Scandal."

Yeah.

I was going to say, "when was the last time

we even had a real conversation?"

Oh.

Remember when we were first married

we'd drop in a UB40 cd and dig into

a raspberry Danish twist and a box of white zin?

We'd talk all night.

You could talk about nothing for hours.

You were like adorable white noise.

I know!

Maybe we need a date night.

I think we do to shake things up.

Okay, I'm gonna take care of it tomorrow.

Well, you know what, Marty?

- Maybe I should help with... - No, I'm the man.

You're gonna let me be the man, okay?

I will take care of everything.

- My man. - That's right. I'm your man.

Mm. Mmm.

Oh, not now, Marty. I haven't shaved my legs.

Oh, okay.

And...

We have a reservation for date night.

- I'm so excited. - Ooh! Hey!

I know it's last minute, but can you babysit tonight?

I can't. I have to study.

Doesn't that mean you'll be here?

Study out in public.

I focus best when I'm surrounded by distractions.

You guys wouldn't understand because, well, you're old.

You gave up booze nine months for that one.

- Not entirely. That could be the problem. - Yeah.

I'll call Pearl.

Ooh. Who's Pearl? She sounds young and hip.

- She's our babysitter. - Oh! Where are we going?

Nowhere because we are not going anywhere.

I'm taking Debbie out to the city

to a very special place, and it's a big surprise.

You're really not gonna tell me where we're going?

He's locked his lips with a key.

And he's throwing it down the sink.

- This is like theater. No! - He's destroying the key!

Now we'll never understand why they need this hot date.

Oh. Well, we've just been in a little bit of a rut lately...

Oh, he can still speak. Thank God.

Hey, Marty, you don't just tell people we're in a rut.

Mm, Marty, TMI. Embarrassing.

What's a rut? Act it out with your hands. Oh!

Well, a rut is when you're so used to each other

that you stop making an effort to connect.

You guys have that, right?

Nope. Never knew it was a thing.

Sounds depressing. Let's bounce.

Bird-Kersees out.

Why did you guys even come over here?!

Just to make us feel bad?

Perfect pose, Dick. Think royalty.

- Candy bar? - Ah.

I've been doing research all day.

And apparently, the Weaver's "marital rut" is a thing.

Oh. Yes.

I've been reading Elle, Cosmo, and Vogue...

They're basically all the same magazine... not cat fancy.

That's really trying something.

And they all agree that "rut" is cited

as one of the top reasons for getting a divorce,

along with hair plugs, sports cars, and Facebook. Mm-hmm.

But luckily, we don't have to worry about not connecting.

Am I right? Fist bump.

Uh-huh. Aah!

Look at what you made me do.

Our little Prince is not that Rosy.

You agreed to a fist bump.

You can't stop a fist bump mid-bump.

And enough with the paintings

of Dick Butkus through the centuries.

No one wants that on their coffee table,

well, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to get dick's eyes to Sparkle

like they do in real life.

- JJK? - Yes?

Did you hear a single word I just said. Of course I did!

I heard "rut" and "rut" and something about Facebook.

Oh, no. It's happening to us.

- Hmm? - We're in a rut.

Oh, we must have caught it from the Weavers.

Well, what do we do to get out of it?

I haven't the first clue. I read about getting into a rut.

I don't know how to bust a rut.

Oh, no.

We bounced out of the Weavers' house too quickly.

Bird-Kersees back in.

I look like Marcia Cross.

- Marty. - Hey, Larry, does this shirt say,

"we've been married for 20 years,

but we've still got it"?

No, it says you haven't been shopping

for 20 years and you never had it.

Anyway, just making conversation.

Did you see "The Voice" last night?

Can anyone pull off a 5:00 shadow like Adam Levine?

Do you believe he's Jewish?

Also, how do you get out of a marital rut?

Hi, Debbie Weaver.

Hey, Jackie.

So, I feel like we didn't get

to finish our conversation before.

You're in a miserable marriage,

and you're making a last-ditch effort to save it.

Dish.

Uh, okay.

Not a last-ditch effort, not miserable.

Marty's just surprising me with dinner in the city.

It'll be a quiet evening where we can really...

Go crazy, you know?

I mean, you get so into your boring day-to-day routine

that sometimes, you need something exciting to...

Help you to slow down,

check in with the person you fell in love with.

It's just gonna be me and Marty, and...

Three DJs... A real hot crowd!

We're going to this trendy new restaurant

with fancy lighting and hip music

because tonight should be...

Simple, intimate, quiet,

a place where we can really talk.

They have a mechanical shrimp you can ride.

So long, rut.

Thank you, Marty.

This has been... completely useless.

As useless as teats on a bull.

I don't know why we barge in there anymore.

To make them feel bad, right?

The Weavers think they can fix a marriage

with a meal in the city,

but you can't eat your way out of a rut.

You have to fight the rut.

So, we're taking it up a notch,

which is why I went to the real expert here.

Abby Weaver?

Yes, but she was on a call,

so now I don't know who to speak to.

Let's just ask Google.

Jane knows everything.

I thought it was "go-ogle" until right now.

Search "how to spice up a marriage."

"How to spice..."

Ooh! "How to spice up a chicken."

Click on that. Ooh, Rosemary. I would have guessed thyme.

Google "Rosemary."

Should I click on "Rosemary Clooney" or "Rosemary's baby"?

Ooh, I love babies.

Ooh, babies and puppies! Do babies and puppies.

- Aww! - Aww! - Aww! - Aww!

Wait, what were we doing? We did it again.

We got distracted by the "did you mean" function.

Let me go back to "how to spice up your marriage."

Oh.

The first thing that comes up is "role play."

"Dress up as a super-hot alter ego

and meet your partner out on the town."

What's super hot? Oh, Dick, avert your ears.

We are possibly talking about sex.

- We're not sure. - Nerds.

Dick, mommy and daddy are having date night,

so you're staying home with your brother.

No, no, no. Jane and I are having our own date night.

It's soul-mating season!

Oh, all right.

Dick, then you'll go to the Weavers.

They've hired a babysitter, so you'll be in good hands.

Are you freaking kidding me?!