UnREAL

_

"Passport to Dance." Alexi's gonna host it.

It's our very own "Everlasting" date.

We have a deal.

I suck you. You bring me coke.

This is disgusting.

Candi Coco is a single mom stripper.

She's not who she says she is.

Take your hands off me.

You're nothing but cheap American white trash.

You and Maya, there's like a bunch of rumors out there.

Maya was too drunk to consent.

You need to get in front of this right now.

Candi, the way Rodrigo spoke to you was inexcusable.

I just can't stand idly by

and allow Candi or any woman to be victimized

while everyone else just looks the other way.

I'm pregnant.

It always should have been this way.

Some women are not meant to be mothers,

and you're one of them.

This is about my family, and that's not you.

That's why you didn't want Alexi to come back.

Thank God you saved Jack.

To hell with being a producer.

You're the suitress.

Is puzzle boy part of your bang-a-thon?

Are you absolutely sure he's the father?

Because you're a lot more pregnant than you think.

The key is to apply the lashes

on your actual lashes and not on your eyelid.

So, first thing's first,

I'm going to take the lashes out of the packaging...

Damn it.

... along the lash band. See? It's easy.

I'm going to apply the glue

just directly to the lash band...

Now that your lashes are on,

go out there and have a great day.

Oh, Rachel! Rachel! You have to help me.

I have to find a way to make things up to Candi.

Listen, you're with Noelle. It's fine. Trust me. It's okay.

- Hey, Rodrigo, how you doin'? - I promise you. I promise.

Well, look at you.

Picking up where we left off?

- What? You have a problem with that? - No.

I want you.

- But listen. - Yeah.

I don't want you to get in trouble.

No. We're not. We're not. It's fine. I promise you.

- You sure? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have to do this,

okay? We're doing it.

- Okay. - Hey, look, I figured out

a way to make today's challenge

all about your hammocks.

- Really? - Yeah.

That's amazing. Thank you.

I mean, that's what girlfriends do, right?

Rachel...

You know what I mean.

- Okay, I'll see you later. - Okay.

So, August again?

Now we know where all those hammocks came from.

Ordered straight from the Woke White Dude Superstore.

I wouldn't mind having a piece of that stock.

And all it took was a couple of chatty sleepovers.

Yeah, well, you know, we ran out of things to say.

I'm pretty sure getting guys to sleep with you

- has never been a problem. - Thanks.

Question is, do you have a second act?

Can you get them to stick?

This is next level, Goldberg. Train wreck time.

Dude, I'm already mentally spending your bonus.

You know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking leather.

It's gonna go great with the diamond.

Not happening.

Oh, my God.

Seriously?

Wow, four hours after you screwed,

from a guy with no cellphone.

Hey, nerds. Flowers are mine.

Oh, "Break a leg on 'Passport to Dance.'

Love, Fiona and the rest of us at VCN."

What can I say, little people?

Early buzz is just crazy!

That's right, tonight's premiere is huge!

"Passport to Dance" is critics' number-one must-watch new show,

thanks to Jay's

sexy-as-shit ad campaign.

Check this out.

Hmm. You hear that?

That's the sound of America's panties dropping!

Okay, Alexi's star meter is through the roof,

which means gonzo ratings.

So, I would like the entire episode of "Everlasting"

to be a cross-promotion with the "Passport" premiere.

Challenge, date, everything.

No.

Mnh-mnh.

We already have the hammock toss prepped and ready to go.

So, change it.

We're going to have 10 million "Passport" viewers

sitting on their asses eating chicken nuggets

with six dipping sauces.

So, it would be a shame to let that go to waste.

Works for me.

Right? And besides, it has to be a dance challenge,

alright, because this is time for the big Candi reveal.

Everybody knows that she's not who she says she is.

The question is, who is she?

Another episode all about Candi?

I mean, seriously, Quinn,

why do you think all the women hate her?

So, let them hate her more.

Oh, great. More hate.

Hey, we have to ahead of the media on this one.

The reveal has to be ours and it has to be noisy.

Not a problem.

I got some ideas.

Look at you! Mr. Gold Star!

Can we all just try to be a little bit more like Tommy?

No.

Alright, make your noise, Game Boy.

What are you doing?

I thought we were on the same team.

Something happened between you guys

and I'm not getting in the middle of it.

- Nothing happened. - Quinn's a force of nature.

And she signs my paychecks.

Rachel!

And she also signs yours.

Look, I understand we have a difference of opinion

regarding my personal choices.

We do.

But we also have a show to produce.

So, I'm going to put my feeling aside

and help you with Candi.

Just keep our personal and professional lives separate...

you can do your thing, I can do my thing.

No judgement.

Does that mean I can't say anything

about those lashes?

Yep.

And I can't say anything

about your picture-perfect family, 'kay?

So, do you have sisters

or were you just born with a raised consciousness?

Which idea do you like more?

I wish Alexi had made that speech.

Come on, it's just common sense, ladies.

Rachel, this is sickening.

I can't take it anymore.

I've got to tell the truth about who Roger really is.

Just take a breath for one second.

You just need to build yourself up.

We want all of America behind you

when we take that monster down.

You know, the best way to do that,

I'm telling you, is August.

- August? - Yes.

He was gone most of the night

and he was probably with somebody else.

Oh, my God, what are you talking about?

No way. He's a good guy.

I think he gets that you're feeling, like,

a little bit fragile and

he just wanted to give you some space.

- Really? - Yes! Yes!

Oh, my God, he's not one of those asshole guys

who just, like, wants to jump in bed with you

and completely forgets your name later.

You know who I'm talking about.

Yes, I do.

He's all yours.

Well, I have outdone even myself.

Prenatal vitamins that match your blood type.

What, vampire? Mm.

Hey, in there,

whoever you are, whatever you are.

We love you. We already love you.

Okay, okay. That's enough.

Stop, stop, stop, Chet, alright?

Uh, we aren't having this baby.

Why? What happened? Are you bleeding?

No, okay. It's just, uh,

I need you to look at this picture.

That is not a five week old fetus.

Okay.

The doctor said that I probably got pregnant

before you and I got back together.

Back when I was with August.

The hammock guy.

You were with him.

Yes.

So, I will make the appointment.

You don't have to come with me.

It's not my first time at the rodeo.

No, no, no, no. You don't need to make an appointment.

Who needs my ancient,