Parks and Recreation

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- THIS IS A HISTORIC DAY.

01 THIS MORNING,

THE CITY OF EAGLETON CEASED TO EXIST

AND WAS RE-ABSORBED BACK INTO PAWNEE.

THINGS ARE EXACTLY THE WAY THEY WERE

BACK IN 1817, EXCEPT, YOU KNOW,

WOMEN AND MINORITIES CAN VOTE,

WE HAVE INDOOR TOILETS,

AND WE NO LONGER BURN WIDOWS FOR LEARNING ARITHMETIC.

- COUNCILWOMAN KNOPE IS YOUR MERGER CZAR,

AND IN THE BINDERS THAT SHE'S PROVIDED,

YOU WILL FIND DIRECTIONS TO YOUR DEPARTMENT IN PAWNEE

THAT MOST CLOSELY MATCHES YOUR DEPARTMENT IN EAGLETON.

- THERE ARE TWO EAGLETON DEPARTMENTS

THE DEPARTMENT OF INFINITY POOL DESIGN

AND THE DEPARTMENT OF DRESSAGE,

WHICH I AM TOLD IS A FANCY HORSE-RIDING THING.

IT IS HORSE-DANCING, MADAM.

OKAY, TAKE IT EASY, ALONZO.

ALL YOU HORSE DANCING PEOPLE, SIT IN YOUR SADDLES IF YOU WILL.

THE REST OF YOU, WELCOME TO YOUR NEW DEPARTMENTS.

EAGLETON IS NOW UNDER MARTIAL LAW.

NO.

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OKAY, PAWNEE PARKS DEPARTMENT.

SOON, YOU WILL BE PAIRED UP WITH A PERSON

WHO WAS ROUGHLY YOUR EQUIVALENT IN EAGLETON.

DONNA, YOU'LL BE WITH CRAIG.

APRIL, YOU'LL BE WITH SOMEONE NAMED TYNNYFER.

AND RON, YOUR GUY IS ALSO NAMED RON.

- GUESS THERE'S NO TOM HAVERFORD EQUIVALENT.

NOT SURPRISED, I'M ONE OF A KIND,

JUST LIKE THE CUSTOM NIKES I DESIGNED

THAT SAY "TOMMY'S TOOTSIES" ACROSS THE TOES.

- YOU DO HAVE A COUNTERPART, ACTUALLY.

HIS NAME IS ERIC, AND I'VE HEARD HE'S AMAZING.

ANYWAY, I ALSO HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE.

I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE OUR NEW FILING TEMP.

- HEY, EVERYBODY. - NO!

- NO, WHY? THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING.

WHY, LESLIE?

- WE BROUGHT JERRY OUT OF RETIREMENT

BECAUSE WE HAVE A MOUNTAIN OF FILING TO GET THROUGH.

WELCOME BACK, JERRY GERGIC. - THANK YOU, LESLIE.

AND AS LONG AS WE'RE STARTING OUT FRESH,

LESLIE, I WAS WONDERING IF PEOPLE

WOULD CALL ME BY MY REAL NAME.

- LARRY? - NO, IT'S NOT LARRY.

IT'S JERRY. NO, IT'S GARY.

- YOUR NAME IS LARRY, LARRY GENGURCH.

HIS NAME IS LARRY GENGURCH.

- COME ON, APRIL, IT'S ALREADY HARD ENOUGH

FOR MY FAMILY WHEN YOU CALL ME "GARY."

JERRY. - HA, HA, CLASSIC LARRY.

LARRY.

all: LARRY, LARRY, LARRY. - AW, JEEZ.

- LOOK, I'M TRYING TO SAVE AS MANY JOBS AS POSSIBLE,

BUT WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LOSE SOME PEOPLE.

I'M NOT SURE WHO WE SHOULD KEEP.

APRIL, TOM AND DONNA ARE THREE OF THE BEST HUMAN BEINGS

THAT HAVE EVER LIVED.

RON IS BASICALLY A BETTER VERSION OF GEORGE WASHINGTON.

BUT...THE EAGLETONIANS ARE PROBABLY GOOD TOO.

- TODAY, WE ARE NOT JUST MERGING TWO TOWNS.

WE'RE THROWING A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR A NEW CITY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NEW PAWNEE.

PARTY'S OVER.

YOU GUYS LOST MILLIONS OF TAXPAYER DOLLARS,

AND WE HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE OBSCENE MESS YOU'VE MADE.

- YOU'RE NOT AS NICE AS THE OTHER GUY.

I DON'T CARE.

- WHEN WE WERE STATE AUDITORS, WE HAD AN AMAZING SYSTEM.

- YEAH, CHRIS PUMPED EVERYONE UP

AND MADE THEM FEEL POSITIVE AND HAPPY.

AND I SWOOPED IN AND SLASHED THEIR BUDGETS TO RIBBONS.

LIKE A MAJESTIC ALLEY-OOP.

YOU'RE ALL AMAZING!

- YOU'RE ALL FIRED.

TEAMWORK.

- HI, YOU'VE REACHED THE VOICEMAIL

OF LARRY GENGURCH.

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR MESSAGE AFTER THE TONE.

WELL, WHEN LESLIE CALLED TO SEE IF I COULD HELP,

GAYLE AND I WERE JUST GETTING ON A CRUISE SHIP

TO THE BAHAMAS.

I SAID, "GAYLE, PUT THAT BIKINI AWAY,

BECAUSE PAWNEE NEEDS ME."

OH HO! SOMEBODY FORGOT A BANANA IN HERE--OOH!

HI, I'M DONNA.

- OH, THAT IS THE PERFECT NAME FOR YOU.

I LOVE IT. NEVER CHANGE IT!

- WASN'T GONNA. YOU'RE CRAIG, RIGHT?

- UGH, YES, BUT I HATE THAT NAME.

IT'S SO BORING. SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S COUSIN.

CRAIG! CRAIG!

I WANT TO BE A SPANISH MAN NAMED TERRENCE,

BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

- OKAY. SO HERE'S MY LIST OF DUTIES.

I'M BASICALLY THE OFFICE MANAGER.

HOW ABOUT YOU? - OH, I DID EVERYTHING.

EVERYTHING!

I CARRIED THE EAGLETON DEPARTMENT ON MY SHOULDERS

FOR YEARS, AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!

- I'M SORRY, WAS YOUR NAME JENNIFER?

- NO, IT'S TYNNYER WITH TWO Y's.

I USED TO BE JENNIFER, BUT THEN I DECIDED

TO REBRAND MYSELF.

OH, WAIT, HANG ON. IT'S XANAX O'CLOCK.

- UM, WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU.

MY NAME'S APRIL,

AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOUR DRESS IS SO CUTE

IT'S BONKS.

- I SAW MY SPINNING INSTRUCTOR WEARING IT,

AND I WAS LIKE, "SHUT UP. WHERE DO I GET THAT?"

- OH, MY GOD. WHO'S YOUR SPINNING INSTRUCTOR?

GREGORY OR WYNONA?

- I GO TO YONIS. WHO ARE GREGORY AND WYNONA?

I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM BEFORE.

ARE THEY BETTER? - WYNONA ROCKS MY WORLD.

- SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO GET ME IN THERE.

LIKE, THAT'S A MUST, MUST, MUST.

- SHE'S THE WORST PERSON I'VE EVER MET.

I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD WITH HER.

RON.

RON.

LAST NAME?

DUNN.

IS THAT YOUR NAME,

OR ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU'RE FINISHED TALKING?

BOTH.

DUNNE AND DONE.

I LIKE RON.

- HI. - WELL, WELL, WELL.

YOU MUST BE ERIC.

- I'M RAGIV FROM I.T. THIS IS E.R.I.C.

- E.R.I.C. IS A COMPUTER PROGRAM?

- STANDS FOR EAGLETON RESERVATION INFORMATION CENTER.

IT DOES ALL THE SCHEDULING IN EAGLETON.

I'M HERE TO INSTALL IT.

- BUT SCHEDULING'S THE MAIN PART OF MY JOB.

- YOU STILL HAVE A HUMAN BEING

IN CHARGE OF BOOKING TENNIS COURTS?

WHAT IS THIS, 1990?

I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS THE SHOULDER PADS.

HOW DID HE NOTICE THESE?

- HEY, THIS IS A SURPRISE.

- YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO CHAT FOR A SEC.

YOU KNOW, JUST SO YOU COULD HEAR SOME THINGS FROM ME.

VERBAL THINGS FROM MY MOUTH.

DID THAT SOUND WEIRD?

- IS EVERYTHING OKAY? - YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE.

FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS EVELYN.

OH, HELLO.

- SHE IS MY HEALTH DEPARTMENT COUNTERPART FROM EAGLETON.

- THERE REALLY WASN'T A TON OF WORK FOR ME THERE.

EAGLETONIANS ARE VERY HEALTHY.

OH, WELL, THIS MIGHT BE

A VERY INTERESTING CHALLENGE FOR YOU,

BECAUSE PAWNEE HAS THE VERY FIRST DOCUMENTED CASE

OF MEGA-DIABETES.

AND THE ONLY KNOW OCCURRENCE

OF LOU GEHRIG'S OTHER DISEASE.

WE'VE BEEN WRITTEN ABOUT IN TEXTBOOKS.

- THANKS, EVELYN, I'LL SEE YOU BACK IN MY OFFICE.

I JUST NEED TO TALK SOME MORE WORDS INTO LESLIE'S FACE.

- NICE TO MEET YOU. AHEM.

WOW. I FEEL SORRY FOR HER.

I MEAN, NOBODY CAN FILL YOUR SHOES, ANN.

WITH YOUR TINY LITTLE DOLL FEET.

- ACTUALLY, THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

I, UH, I'M GONNA STEP DOWN,

AND I'M GONNA TURN MY JOB OVER TO EVELYN.

WHAT? NO.

DID SOMEBODY PUT YOU UP TO THIS?

WAS IT EVELYN? I KNEW SHE WAS A MONSTER.

- NO. NO, NO, NO.

CHRIS AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING,

AND WE ARE THINKING VERY SERIOUSLY

ABOUT LEAVING PAWNEE

AND MOVING SOMEWHERE ELSE TO START OUR FAMILY--

OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT THAT. IT'S WAFFLES!

DELICIOUS WAFFLES. - WAIT.

- SHOULD WE TRY? YEAH, LET'S TRY.

- HUH? - MMM.

- WAIT, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING? - TRY.

.

- SO IF I'M HEARING YOU CORRECTLY,

YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT LEAVING PAWNEE.

I AM THINKING ABOUT LEAVING.

- IS THIS ONE OF THOSE CLASSIC ANN "NOT" JOKES?

LIKE, "I'M LEAVING PAWNEE...NOT!"

I DON'T DO THAT.

- I WAS HOPING THAT YOU HAD STARTED.

IT'S NOT DEFINITE.

IT'S JUST NEITHER OF US ARE FROM PAWNEE.

AND I HAVE A WHOLE FAMILY IN MICHIGAN.

AND CHRIS IS MISSING LIFE IN A BIGGER CITY.

AND I JUST WANTED... -