Bloomin Mud Shuffle

Hey, jaywalkers!

Hey, you motherfucker, you best be crossing at the light!

You're gonna get fucked up!

No, you do it here!

Do it here, you see?

You fuck 'em up.

You don't see the sign, man?

What good is it for you to pay the taxes

on a sign, and you're not gonna use it?

Oh, shit!

See?

Fucking working for everybody, bro.

Working for everybody.

Go ahead.

Fuck this sign!

Fuck this sign.

Fuck this sign.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Buddy, come on.

What do you mean, whoa?

Whoa, whoa, come on.

Don't be an asshole. - No, it's my friend.

Why was he acting like that?

I don't know.

He's just being a really big baby.

- And you only have one sibling, right?

Yeah, my little bro.

And you guys get along?

- Yeah, we hang out all the time.

You hang out?

- Like drink beer in the garage with friends.

Oh, that sounds awesome.

I look forward to it.

Me and my sister, we'll go

to concerts and shit together.

You think it's weird that we talk about sex?

Who?

Me and my sister.

You have sex with your sister?

What?

No, no, no, we talk about sex.

She'll be like, "Yeah, I was fucking this dude.

"He had all this shit in his teeth."

And I'll tell her about the girls I've been boning.

You know what?

I don't really want to hear about that.

- What? - That's weird.

- All right, come on. - That's not weird.

- Let's go. - It is, yeah, it is.

Time for work, come on.

- But okay, so I guess that's it.

Let's go.

- But all day today, I'll think about seeing you tomorrow.

Oh, see how nice he can be?

A prince.

Hey, Monica, Monica!

- Come on. - Bye, Lonnie.

Let's go.

Wrap it up.

I don't know, is it weird

that I think she's really hot?

No, she's beautiful.

- Yeah, she got a boyfriend, though.

Yeah, but she don't like him.

How do you know?

- How long did it take for her to bring him up?

I don't know, why?

Exactly, I met the dude.

He's kind of a pill.

- A pill, what do you mean, like a mope?

Yeah, like a mope.

He's the guy she was fucking in college

and now she doesn't know how to get rid of him.

You assume!

- Yeah, I do, and when I assume, I'm usually right.

That's what happens when you're brought up Catholic

and you go to college, and you want to fuck.

You pick a fellow out that doesn't

disgust you and you call it a boyfriend.

It eases the bred-in guilt.

Hmm, objection.

Grounds?

- That you did not go to college.

Overruled.

Overruled, overruled, why?

- Because I fuck a lot of college girls.

Ay-yai-yai.

You know what's fucked up?

People still talk about Seinfeld.

You say something to somebody, and they're like,

"Oh yeah, like that Seinfeld.

"Did you ever see that Seinfeld?"

It's weird, man.

The show's been off the air for like 10 years.

Oh, more than 10 years.

We were in high school when that show went off the air.

No.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Wait.

Okay.

And, what year did we graduate again?

I don't care.

Huh, shit, '98.

We graduated in 1988?

That's what it says here.

- What, that we graduated in '98?

No, it says Seinfeld.

Oh, Seinfeld's '98.

- Yeah, it says... - What year did we graduate?

- No, I think we graduated in '98, too.

- Oh, so they both happened in '98?

We both graduated in '98.

We both graduated in '98.

Yeah.

What the fuck have we been doing for the last 10 years, man?

16 years.

Holy shit.

- I'm gonna stop thinking about that right now.

That's probably a good idea.

Okay, here you go.

All right, thank you.

- My dog got into some of that stuff you were using.

The mud?

Yeah, he ate some of it.

Is that bad?

It ain't good.

Any idea what I should do?

Just keep an eye on him.

Make sure they poop in the next 24 hours.

It happens.

Oh, okay.

- They love that stuff for some reason.

All right, thank you.

Nothing to worry about.

All right.

Come on, guys.

- Bert? - Yeah, babe.

- You hear about those kids in Romeoville?

Uh-uh.

No, what should I have heard?

Fucking kids are nuts.

They take their friend, light him on fire

and then they were gonna cut him up and bury him.

That didn't work.

They take him, throw him in back of his mother's car,

and then they go play video games all night.

- Jesus Christ, that's fucked up.

Yeah, I know, you know what?

This whole Chicago area is going to hell.

Yeah, Romeoville, right?

- Yeah, Romeoville, Chicago, just

aggravates the hell out of me.

Hey, did you drive tonight, Lonnie?

No, I didn't.

I walked from home.

Yeah, I was at home.

I didn't want to be there.

So I figured I would come down here and hang out with you

as fucking sad as that sounds.

- Come on, it's not that fucking sad.

It's not that fucking sad?

- Come on, I'm not that bad, am I?

No, you're not that bad.

Ah, come on, here.

Let's make it a little happier.

- Oh, happier, isn't alcohol a depressant?

Not when it's free.

There you go, pal. - Thanks, Phil.

All right, salud.

Salud.

What do I owe you for everything?

You know what?

Just call it 25.

Okay, oh, shit, thanks.

There you go.

Have a good night.

All right, you too.

Be careful out there, okay?

See you tomorrow.

I can't see anything.

Oh, you dick.

Oh, my purse.

No, I got it.

Hey, no, no, hey, come here.

I got it.

It's right here.

It's on my shoulder.

Wait, wait, what?

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

Oh.

Okay, okay, come on.

Come on.

Turn over.

Come here.

Come here.

Give me these.

Here, sit, sit up.

Are you tucking me in?

Yeah, I guess so.