The Sarah Jane Adventures

13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives.

And it's home to things way beyond your imagination.

There's an extra-terrestrial super computer in the wall,

her son, a genetically engineered boy genius,

a schoolgirl investigator across the road

and a whole universe of adventure,

right here on the doorstep.

Ready? Always.

The Doctor is dead. UNIT will take charge of the funeral,

in conjunction with the Shansheeth.

It's Jo Grant. It's a long time since I've been called that.

Smelly getting closer. No, no, no, no! Closer and closer.

It's Shansheeth! This whole thing's a trap!

Space...is...taken!

Gosh. That was different. Hello, everyone!

Who are you? Doctor!

Ah, the Claw Shansheeth of the 15th Funeral Fleet!

I've been looking for you. Rest in peace!

MECHANICAL PULSING

Sounds like a countdown.

But I was on a planet... No, no, never mind that - run!

Faster, faster, faster!

Come along, Smith!

No, no, no, don't slow down!

Take me back!

In! In! In! In! In!

I'm sorry, is there a problem?

Sorry, I was...slamming it.

Right! Now we need to lock it. Come on, use the sonic lipstick.

Haven't you got the screwdriver?! They took it.

Wow, they do sonic lipsticks now. We're running out of time.

I need you, Sarah, and you, Jo. Need us for what?

Remember the old days when we'd go zooming off to faraway worlds?

I'm getting space-sick!

No, no, no, let's get you working properly.

Stop, stop, stop! Where are we?

The Wasteland of the Crimson Heart. PULSING STOPS

Planet Earth's that way. Bit of a long walk. Sonic, please!

Wow!

Oh, so many years since I was on another planet.

Me too.

I'm sorry, but can I help? Is there something wrong?

She's on our side, isn't she?

Think about it. The Doctor's been avoiding her, but why?

Because someone inside UNIT had to fake the DNA results.

Colonel Karim. She's in league with the Shansheeth!

Not as daft as they look, for two batty old pensioners

and a bunch of ASBO kids.

How on earth did they summon the Doctor?

They have powers unforeseen.

Right. First things first.

We need to clear this place, seal it off and keep that lot trapped!

Do you see? We're slap-bang in the middle of the base.

There's got to be a way of getting help.

SIREN WAILS

What's happening?

Karim's sealed off the entire Funeral Wing.

We're trapped!

Hurry, hurry! Follow me!

Dispense with the coffin.

Prepare this room for the coalescence!

Behold. The Memory Weave is ready.

Soon it will be active.

Deliver the women into our wings,

and not even the Doctor will able to stop the crusade of the Shansheeth!

There... And there...

Did it hurt?

Nah. I mean, the regeneration.

That last body of yours.

Was he OK, in the end?

It always hurts. And there.

So how did you end up in this place? The Shansheeth lured me.

Mighty old battlefield, just begging to be explored.

Cos I'm travelling with Amy now, and Rory. They got married,

so I dropped them off at a honeymoon planet, which isn't what you'd think.

It's not a planet FOR a honeymoon, it's a planet ON a honeymoon,

it married an asteroid.

Then they nicked the Tardis.

The Shansheeth, not Amy and, uh...

Fortunately, I had all this wreckage,

to build a space swapping doo-dah thingummy wotsit.

So you've a married couple in the Tardis? Mr and Mrs Pond!

I only left you because I got married.

Did you think I was stupid?

Why do you say that?

Well, I was a bit dumb.

Still am, I suppose.

Now what in the world would make you think that? Ever, ever, ever?

We'd been travelling down the Amazon for months, and we reached a village

in Cristalino, and it was the only place in thousands of miles

that had a telephone, so I called you.

I just wanted to say hello.

And they told me that you'd left,

left UNIT, never came back. So I waited, and waited.

Because you said you'd see me again.

You did, I asked you and you said yes, you promised.

So I thought, oh, one day, I'd hear that sound.

Deep in the jungle, I'd hear that funny wheezing noise,

and a big blue box, right in the middle of the rainforest.

Cos he wouldn't just leave.

Not forever. Not me.

I've waited my whole silly life... Oh, but you're an idiot.

Well, there we have it! No, but don't you see?

How could I ever find you? You've spent the past forty years

living in huts, climbing up trees, tearing down barricades.

You've done everything from flying kites on Kilimanjaro to sailing down

the Yangtze in a tea chest. Not even the Tardis could pin you down!

Hold on, I did sail down the Yangtze in a tea chest! How did you know?

And that family!

All seven kids, twelve grandchildren, thirteenth on his way.

He's dyslexic but that'll be fine, great swimmer.

So you've been watching me?

All this time? No.

Because you're right, I don't look back.

I can't. But the last time I was dying, I looked back on all of you.

Every single one.

And I was so proud.

It really is you, isn't it?

Hello.

BLOWS WHISTLE Sorry, but we've got that lot back at home with the Shansheeth!

Yes! And I still need you, Jo.

Now, that bag of yours, I can smell blackcurrant. Is it buchu oil?

Hand-picked in Mozambique!

Oh, perfect! These circuits need connectivity.

Wonderful! Little tiddly drop...

That's it! What a team!

Hurry, hurry, hurry! Come on!

Hey, nice, you've got a little den. What's all the hurry for?

Pizza, go cold.

What? I thought you had a plan!

Shansheeth too scary! We hide!

No, we've got to do something!

Yeah, but hiding's not bad, cos we've got to keep you safe, Clyde.

See, whatever the Doctor's doing, he needs you for that body-switcheroo.

Oh, great, great. Stuck in Groskeville. Pizza good.

I can't believe you get to do this all the time.

Like aliens and chases and stuff!

You can talk, Santiago. You're off to Paraguay and Mount Everest.

Dude, you just zapped into another planet!

Yeah, that was pretty cool!

Yeah, we've been to parallel times, dream dimensions, limbo.

And then we go home for tea!

Yeah, we see all this, then my mum's like,

"What did you do today?" I'm like, "Not much."

Yeah - "Went to the library!" "Played a bit of footie!" "Stayed behind after Drama Club!"

"Oh, yeah, and I fought off a platoon of Judoon in my spare time!"

I've not seen my mum for six months now.

How come? She's in Japan, organising a rally.

I mean, that's great, really good work.

Yeah, course. Before, she was in Africa, finding shell-flower plants.

My father's with the Gay Dads Organisation,

hiking across Antarctica.

We haven't all been together since about...February?

When are you going to see them next?

Soon. I don't know. Soon though.

What's that? What's happening?! Trapped!

Excellent.

We've got the Brady Bunch exactly where we need them.

Now to apply a little heat.

'Internal vents to maximum.'

Heating! Hot, hot, hot!

They're trying to boil us!

And increasing... The children are irrelevant.

Not to the Doctor, they're not.

Wherever he is, he'll be planning revenge. We need to divert him.

It won't budge!

Come on, Groske, there's got to be a way out!

No! We die like rotisserie! Well, you can, but I'm not!

Sarah Jane?! Anyone?!

Doctor?! Where are you?!

There! That should work.

Intergalactic molecular streaming, with just a hint of blackcurrant.

But what'll happen to Clyde? No, no, I've fixed it.

All I needed was you two. Oil and sonic.

Now we can go back, and Clyde can stay where he is.

Hold tight!

Get us out of here!

Sarah Jane!

Doctor! Oops. Then again, maybe leaving Clyde

in the same place wasn't such a good idea.

Look out, stand back.

Ah, ventilation shafts!

That takes me back. Or even forwards.

Hurry up! We're getting boiled alive!

Hold on! We're coming! Don't worry, Santiago, I'm here!

You go first, you've got the sonic lip...

Aaargh!

Doctor! Jo? Sarah?

They're roasting us! Let us out!

Sarah?

Exactly as predicted.

Given the choice between saving the world, or saving the children,

the Doctor goes the wrong way.

Oh, I didn't trust you, Colonel, from the moment I met you.

Like I care.

Frankly, I've never met anyone so staggeringly pious in all my life.

Now then.

The chamber's sealed off.

The Doctor would need half a ton of dynamite to get through that.

The Tardis! I never thought I'd see it again.