Everybody Loves Raymond

Hey, guys. Come on, settle...

Who told you you could have those...

Put those back where you found them.

Settle down. Ray, can you help me?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Listen.

Bye.

Ray.

What?

Where are you going?

I told you yesterday I was going to pick out

paint colors for the bedroom today.

I told you I wanted to go golfing.

Yeah, and I said, 'too bad.'

I thought that meant for you.

Ray, I'm going to the hardware store.

You only have to watch the boys 'cause ally's at Molly's.

Look, I'll spend the whole day with them tomorrow, okay?

I promise. I'll even...

I'll skip church, okay?

I'll give my kids the time

I normally reserve for the lord.

Do you want to be any part of their childhood memories?

'Childhood memories.' Come on.

Ask them about their trip to Disney world.

They don't even remember it. - They were three.

Tiger Woods could hit a ball 200 yards

when he was three.

Okay, ray, go ahead.

You go golfing.

I'll drag them around with me all day.

I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time

looking at paint samples.

There you go.

You put those golf clubs down,

spend some time with your kids,

and create some damn memories!

All right!

Maybe you should worry about the memories

I'm going to have of you.

You know, you should've told me

you were picking out paint samples.

I could have gone with you.

Oh, what was I thinking?

Well, no matter. Sit down, sweetheart.

You know, when I heard that you were looking

for new colors for the bedroom,

I brought over my own samples.

This is from when paint was good.

No, Marie, I think I already found

something I like.

Yes, but you have to consider

all your options.

That's true there, Debra.

You got to choose carefully when it's something

All: Na-na-na-na Batman.

All right, that concludes our super-special daddy day.

Who do we love? Both: Daddy!

That's me.

That's great!

Aw, it looks like you boys had fun.

We went to daddy's golf course.

Daddy's golf course?

Well, I played like I own the place.

Why are you all wet?

Oh, yeah, I let them play in the sand trap,

and then I hit some balls into the little creek

so they could go get them and rinse off.

You what?

Yeah, it was great.

It was like an underwater easter egg hunt.

Oh, they loved it.

- Boys, go upstairs and change. - Okay.

Oh, boy.

So what's super-special daddy getting

for super-special supper?

This was supposed to be the kids' day,

and you dragged them around the golf course?

What... what are you talking about?

They had a great time.

I thought the whole point was for me and the kids

to spend some time together and have fun, huh?

Like when dad used to take me and Robert

to the lodge instead of the playground.

You took my babies to your disgusting lodge?

Never happened.

I don't know what he's talking about.

Oh, what? It was fun...

Collecting bottle caps and learning how to play pool.

Dad, remember you would get a beer,

and you'd let me and Robert suck the foam off the top of it?

You let my Raymond have beer?

Made a man out of him...

Almost.

What? No big deal.

This is your defense, him?

Yeah.

We were happy 'cause we were with our dad.

And that's why the boys had a good time.

Doing what you want to do.

The boys had fun.

To quote them, 'ya-hoo.'

They did seem happy.

Next time, give them some beer.

I mean, look, you said

you should create some childhood memories.

I think we made a whole bunch of good ones today.

I agree with Raymond.

Well, you know, they did seem like they had a good time.

So, okay, you're right.

Thank you.

And I had a great time too.

Hey, ray, remember at the lodge

when the guys tried to get you to smoke a cigarette,

and you swallowed it?

You threw up funny.

Oh, boy.

Those kids really wore me out today.

I've probably got just enough strength

to make love, and that's it.

How you doing?

So you really spent the whole day

on the golf course with the kids?

Wait a minute, didn't I already win this argument?

I know, but it's just...

I don't know.

It seemed like you had such a good time together.

You told me to.

Well, what about me?

Well, what do you mean?

You can have a good time with them

every day, if you want. Do it tomorrow.

I can go golfing without the noise, you know.

I didn't want to say anything,

but they cost me, like, four strokes.

Not me and them, me and you.

What?

I mean, you can have such a fun time with the kids.

Why can't you have fun with me?

I was just trying to have fun with you.

You were trying to have sex with me.

Sex is fun.

Especially with me 'cause I whistle.

Do you remember when we were boyfriend and girlfriend?

We used to go to concerts and bowling,

baseball games, everything.

We used to have fun.

Well, look, I didn't know

that you were still interested in having fun.

What are you talking about? Of course I am.

Well, all right, but then, you know,

but you got to tell me. I'm not a mind reader.

All right, okay. You know what?

I am telling you right now, I want to have fun with you.

- Okay... - Nonsexual fun.

But where is this coming from?

Were you reading one of those magazines

in the beauty parlor? - No, ray.

But I did happen to get a postcard

from Amy and Robert today.

Oh, Amy and Robert!

'Oh, we're in Italy.

'Let's share a piece of spaghetti together,

and then we can slurp it till we meet in the middle.'

'We're having such a great time together.

It's absolutely magical.'

They're on their honeymoon!

Guess what they're doing a lot of.

It's not just that.

They enjoy each other.

They enjoy each other's company.

They enjoy being together.

Do you remember what that was like?

Well... so what?

What, do you want to have, like, a picnic or something?

No.

You know what I was thinking?

Why don't we go golfing together?

Come on, ray.

I mean, you know, you love golf,

and I want to be a part of that.

It could be fun. You could teach me.

Come on, ray, I mean, you know, golf is your thing.

You read about it. You watch it.

You wear your nicest clothes to it.

I want to be a part of that.

Listen, golf... golf, it's a frustrating game.

All right?

And it's really hot out there.

And... and if there's lightning, you could be killed.

All right.

Listen.

If... if you want to go golfing...

We'll go.

Because you're my girlfriend.

- Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.

- Aw. - And if there's lightning,

I'll step in front of you and take it in the head.

- There you are. - Hey.

I was just in the gift shop.