The Big Bang Theory

Morning.

Morning.

- Sleep okay? - Um uh. Great!

Hey, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Last night, me wanting to try that stuff out of the Kama Sutra.

Was that fun for you or kinda racially insensitive?

Yes. Just because you're in bed with an India woman

you think that gives you permission

to use crazy positions from an ancient Indian love manual?

Hey, if you can find a book called "Weird Sex with White Boys"

I'd be okay with that.

No, no, you know you have such beautiful eyes.

Have you ever thought about getting contacts?

I tried in the seventh grade. I could never get used to them.

Oh. That's too bad.

Yeah. If I had contacts, I would have been the coolest

Debate Club president ever to be stuffed into his own cello case.

If you had them on now, you could see what we're going to do next.

That-That's okay. I can infer from context.

Hey, Raj, you wanna see a new magic trick I been working on?

Eh, Howard.

If I may interject here with a piece of friendly advice.

Is working on magic tricks, really how you want to spend your time?

Uh, granted, you're just an engineer, but...

that doesn't mean you might not someday build a geegaw

or a thingamabob that

that may get you a "thank you" in someone else's Nobel Prize acceptance speech.

Is the trick making him disappear?

Sure, let's see it.

Here. Shuffle these.

Okay.

Now spread them out on the table. Face down.

Pick one. Look at it.

Okay.

Now remember your card. Put it back in the deck.

Is it any wonder he doesn't have a doctorate?

Now remind me, what's your birthday?

October sixth.

Okay, October is the tenth month.

So 10-- one plus zero is one plus six is seven.

Turn over the seventh card.

How about that!

But, is that your card?

Yes. It is. Very cool!

Oh it's not cool.

It's a childish trick, designed to confuse and intrigue simpletons.

How'd you do it?

A magician never reveals his secrets.

But surely a future Nobel Prize winner can figure it out.

Fine.

Give me a second.

You ever notice when he thinks real hard it smells like bacon?

- Oh hey! - Sorry! Oop!

Sorry! Pardon me!

Oh, I'm so sorry!

Oh, that was my fault.

Check it out. I just got contacts.

- sync, corrected by elderman --

One, two,

three, four, five.

No way.

That's your card, right?

Seven of clubs!

That is amazing!

It's not amazing.

All magic tricks are merely a combination

of manipulation and misdirection

with the occasional dwarf in a box wiggling his feet.

Oh, really? So how did I do it?

I don't care how you did it.

I have more important things to think about.

Clearly, the cards are marked.

I thought you had more important things to think about.

I do. You just happened

to have caught me on a break.

Oh, let me see those cards.

Big deal. Not knowing

is part of the fun.

"Not knowing is part of the fun."

Was that the motto of your community college?

Hey, guys, what do you think?

Priya took me clothes shopping.

Hey, you look great.

Good for you, Priya.

I could never get that stupid hoodie off him

when we were...

Well, you look great.

Thank you.

Lets go hang everything up.

Yeah, good.

New contacts.

I should have done this years ago.

So you finally getting used to them doing it on a daily basis?

I'm not going out with him.

He can sleep with whoever he wants.

Yeah, I was talking to Raj.

Oopsy.

This deck is rigged in some fashion.

Fine. Get another deck

and I'll do the trick with that.

So you're saying this is a regulation deck?

I'm saying believe in magic, you muggle.

You know, well, I'm happy Leonard's found someone.

Not that anybody asked.

How many Star Trek uniforms do you have?

Just two:

everyday and dress.

Uh-huh.

Listen, we need to talk about something.

Oh, my God, you're breaking up with me!

Why would you take me out shopping

and then break up with me? That is so cruel!

Leonard, I'm not breaking up with you.

Oh, okay.

So, what's up?

It's a little weird,

your ex-girlfriend hanging out here all the time.

I know.

I usually never see my ex-girlfriends,

unless their hard drives crash.

I'm just saying, how would you feel if I was hanging out

with my ex-boyfriend?

Um, not great, I guess.

But Penny and I are just friends.

I don't care.

This is a woman you have slept with.

If you want her around,

then I have to wonder if maybe you're not ready to move on.

No, no-no-no, I'm ready!

I gave up the gift of sight for you.

If that's not moving on, what is?

You need to cut the cord with Penny.

Oh... okay.

You don't sound very confident.

No, no, I'm confident.

Its not like I'm unfamiliar with the "get lost" conversation.

Although, this will be the first time I'll be the one saying it.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Sure.

Oh, God, you smell so good.

Of course, that could just be

my other senses getting stronger.

Hypothetically, if I had access

to a Lieutenant Uhura uniform, would you wear it?

Leonard, it is a source of great pain

to me and my family

that my brother has that outfit in his wardrobe.

Can we not discuss it?

I'm sorry. Never mind.

And was your card the jack of diamonds?

Oh, unbelievable!

Know how he did it yet?

Um...

Aw, he has the same look my little nephew gets

when he can't figure out how I got his nose.

You know, I have some remedial magic tricks

that might be more your speed.

Like, ooh, look!

The pencil's rubber!

Hey, I think I know how you did the card trick.

Oh, please, if I don't know, you don't know.

That's axiomatic.

Come here.

You're right.

Not too bad for someone

who doesn't know what "axiomatic" means.

Oh, hi.

Hey, you.

What happened with the contacts?

One of them's upstairs.

The other one sort of slipped back into my skull.

Hey, is that one of the new shirts Priya got you?

Yeah.

You don't wanna wash that.

No? No, that's silk.

Seriously, what would you do without me?

Yeah. (chuckles)

You know, I gotta tell you, I think

you got a real winner with Priya. Yeah, me, too.

She seems really sweet.

Believe me, you do not want to take that for granted.

There are a lot of bitches out there.

Yeah, bitches are the worst.

All right, I'll see you later.

Uh, Penny, there's something I have to tell you.

What?

Okay, uh, how do I put this?

Um... are you familiar with Darwin's observation

of the finches in the Galapagos Islands?

Did they make a movie about it?

No.

Then no.

All right, well, anyway, Darwin observed that when two groups

of finches competed over the same food source,

eventually one of them would evolve a different beak shape

so they could feed on something else.

Okay.

So what do you think we can learn from that behavior