Bob's Burgers

Feast your eyes. My Burobu card collection.

So, Burobu's like Pokémon, but just everybody's a slug?

- Uh, yeah. - Finally.

Why are there three empty slots?

Because I'm missing three of the nine stages of Slugodactyl.

My favorite slug.

Gah, can you believe this collection's

taken me two and a half years to build?

Buying all these card packs, making all these trades...

Nerd. I-I mean... wow.

Yeah, well, guess what. Now I have a new plan.

- Get another hobby? - No.

I'm gonna speed things up with these less-than-authentic

Burobu cards I found online.

Are they blurry?

Only if you look at them.

Here's the thing, these are all Mega Ultra.

When I trade with these, mama gets what mama wants.

Mega Ultra Macho Slugmarine. Brag.

Don't touch it too hard. The ink's not the kind that dries.

So, I'm gonna take a few of these to school Monday,

make some trades, get those last three Slugodactyls,

and my empire will be complete.

Yay!

Wait, didn't you say those cards got banned from school?

Yeah, we got a little out of control.

Stop it.

Put 'em away.

I pledge allegiance to the flag...

Son of a... All right, you punks, that's it.

Those cards are banned.

If I see 'em again, it's detention

and I'm confiscating them. Now apologize to America.

But relax, we're not doing the trades until after school.

So there's my plan. Feedback? Praise? Yes, Tina.

It seems sort of... dishonest.

I mean, those cards are fake, right?

Oh, I don't like the "F" word.

I prefer non-official, non-approved, m'kay? Uh, Tina.

Now can we talk about our study buddy time together tomorrow?

I have some ideas.

- Let's try to keep it on Burobu for now, huh? Okay? - Okay.

- That's what we're doing in my room right now. - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- Okay. - Okay. Uh, yes, Gene.

Did John Lithgow play John Larroquette in a movie,

or was that just a dream?

- Oh, that's a good one. Uh... - Yeah.

I thought you were only doing Burobu questions.

- I know, but that's interesting. - Kids! Dinner!

What were you kids doing?

Well, Louise is really excited about her Burobu cards,

but what some people think is more exciting

is we're gonna be study buddies tomorrow.

- Oh, yeah. - Uh, what are you two gonna be studying?

We're supposed to help them with homework

from the class they just had. So, math.

Oh, boy. - Oh, God. -What?

It's just, Tina, when it comes to math, you...

- are... bad at it. - Have room for improvement?

Don't worry. I think I've found someone to help.

Oh, look, she's here now.

'Sup? I'm Mathy Cathy from the mean streets of Fraction Town.

Sure, math is tough, but so am I.

- Hmm. - Damn!

I already feel like I know more math.

Hello.

Listen, kid. Sometimes on the streets,

- stuff doesn't add up. - Yup.

- Things can get negative. - Yup. Yup.

Okay, fine. B... Uh, bye.

What was that about?

Harry, the pickle guy we used to go to... he died.

Oh, no! Poor Harry and his pickles.

That was his lawyer on the phone.

Apparently, in his will,

Harry requested that I speak at the funeral.

- Oh, no. - Yeah.

He must have forgotten to take me out of his will after...

The incident.

- Okay. Don't say "the incident" like that. - Wha...?

Whoa, whoa, wait, what incident?

Which one of us is the pickle man's child?

I don't want to talk about it.

Dad, would you be more comfortable telling...

Mathy Cathy? 'Cause, man, I've seen some stuff.

Thank you, Cathy, but no.

Okay, students,

Mr. Ambrose is gonna watch you during study buddy time

while I go outside to not smoke several cigarettes.

Okay, do your math or whatever. I don't know.

You're never gonna use it. I never use it.

All right, tiny Andy,

you want to get into some fraction action?

Half of me does.

Zeke, do you want to draw stuff on my arm?

Oh, man! Dang, do I ever! Come on.

- Ow. Not with your pencil! - Give me that arm. Give it to me!

- Ow! Zeke, that hurts! - Come on. Give it to me! Come on.

Two-thirds plus four-fifths.

The age-old question, huh, Tammy?

- Ooh... No, thanks. - Okay.

Jocelyn, braid my hair.

Okay. Which one?

Hey, Louise, your sister told me

you had a beef with some homework.

Whoops. Little mishap.

Okay, Louise, two hours till school's over.

Then you can trade. You can make it.

You can make it.

No, you can't.

Hey, Rudy, Large Tommy, Andy, Ollie.

You know how we were gonna do that

Burobu trade sesh after school?

- Yup. - Yeah. - Big time.

What if we go back behind that shelf

and do it right now?

No way. We'll get detention and the cards will be confiscated.

- Yeah, they'll get constipated. - No.

Rudy, come on.

Wow. That's a powerful argument. Yeah, okay, I'm in.

Whew, I'm back. Now let's open up a can of whoop-ass

on these fractions, huh, kid?

Actually, you'd, uh, really be helping old Cathy out

if you read aloud the problems.

So, Tina, Cathy, whatever, look.

We're gonna hit the back corner for a quick Burobu moment,

and I need you to be on the lookout.

What? Now? No, we'll get in trouble.

Tina, I'm over here.

Oh. What? Now? No, we'll get in trouble.

Come on, Tina. Get my back.

Mathy Cathy would be down with it, right?

- Yeah. She's always down. - Yeah.

Okay, so if anyone comes, just make a loud fart noise

with your face or your butt or whatever feels right.

Let's go. Come on.

So we're just gonna go read something from a book.

Seems like a waste of time, but, sure, go nuts.

What do I care? I'd rather go home.

I don't know what I'm doing.

So, Bob, you gonna be ready

for Harry's service at my place Tuesday night?

Why is it at night, anyway?

I think Harry wanted all the other farmers market people

to be able to go, after they finish packing

their unsold rhubarb.

Ugh. All the farmer people are gonna be there.

Right! They all saw... the incident.

- Lin, stop. - Incident.

- Wh-What incident? - Okay, fine. I'll tell you.

I bought from Harry for about ten years.

We were friends, farmers market friends.

And then one day,

I said maybe his latest bath of sweet pickles

was a little too sweet, and he didn't take it well.

He started throwing pickles at me, and I retaliated.

I picked up a pickle and I threw it

at that 80-year-old man's face.

Oh, my God. Is that how he died?

No, Teddy, that was four years ago.

He just died recently, remember?

Oh, right. Probably didn't help, though, huh?

It's true.

Andy and Ollie, I think you'll be very happy

with this Mega Ultra Slugerantula.

I'm gonna rub it on my belly to get my scent on it.

Me, too. Then we'll be its mom.

Uh, hey, not so much rubbing, okay? Enjoy.

Why do these smell like gasoline?

Oh, that's, uh, a new thing.

- Oh, interesting. - Yeah.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

- Hey there. - Oh, God, no.

So, I just wanted to, uh, super casually ask you

if you'd heard anything about some faculty folks

getting together for a Martini Tuesday kind of thing?

- Oh, Martuesdays? Nope. Sorry. - I... Oh. Oh. Because...

Oh, my God. This cart of books

- has to be anywhere else right now. - Nuts.

Oh, thank God.

- Ah! Okay. - What the...?

Eighth graders, where are all the fourth graders?

They're living their lives.

Tina? Tina?

- Where are your study buddies? - Uh...

Okay, Louise, I guess you've got a deal.

Yes! All nine Slugodactyls are mine.

Got you!

I'm taking those cards. Thanks for telling me, Tina.

Oh, crap.

Wow, I've never been back here. Ugh, it's just more books.

Well Louise knew if she brought the Burobu cards to school,

she'd get detention and they'd get confiscated

and she shouldn't have put Tina in that position.

Yes. Right.

Yeah, no, true, but then Tina ratted on her.

You never go against the family.

- Never. - Easy, Don Corleone.

- You mean Don Pepperoni? - You don't understand!

Ms. Labonz made me talk.