Daybreak

It's another beautiful day.

Eighty-two degrees of opportunity.

The Japanese Club's, uh, "Say Sayonara to Gluten" bake sale

is going on to raise awareness

for the whitewashing of Asian roles...

uh, in Hollywood.

So let's all bite into some mochi

and give the Japanese Club a special arigato for our friends with...

our friends with celiac disease.

Homecoming tickets go on sale this weekend.

This year's theme: “Ring, Ring. Who's Calling? Bling, Bling.”

Remember, every day is a chance to be great. As Jay-Z says,

"Don't go with the flow. Be the flow."

Thank you, Principal Burr,

for those inspiring words.

Uh, where were we? Jaden Thompson McGee.

- Present. - Jaden Unger.

- Yeah. - Jaden Hoyles.

New phone, who dis?

Josh Wheeler?

Wheeler?

Wheeler?

Hey, that's me. Josh, not Jaden.

There are, like, 20 Jadens in this school.

Parents think that they're being unique, but it's an army of vanilla.

Not like I'm anything special. I'm a C student.

C as in “crappy.” C as in “cannot catch a break.”

C as in “let's just see how bad things are.”

Climate change deniers are standing waist-deep in hurricane water.

Corporations make billions off of nerd culture, making outsiders like...

the new insiders, leaving the truly odd with...

no way to self-identify.

And little dictators with big egos?

Well, they can launch a nuke with a tweet! And then one day... Whoa!

They did.

So whatever your problems were...

Dad won't spring for a larger data plan?

Mom won't buy that adorbs top at Urban Outfitters?

It's all baby food now.

Now I'm an A. A as in “awesome,”

A as in “the apocalypse was the best thing that ever happened.”

A as in “all you people need to buckle up.”

'Cause I wanna show you just how sweet the end of the world...

actually is.

So what's life like during the apocalypse? In a word?

Extra. Be the flow.

My digs belonged to some Armenian gangster, but he's gone,

so I invoked the ancient rites where finders are keepers

and losers are weepers.

It's one of the only rules left because there are no adults.

Everyone over the age of 18 is gone.

Well... mostly.

The bombs must've been biological.

Most adults melted into goo,

and the rest turned into what we like to call "Ghoulies."

She hasn't texted me back.

I hear the new David Chang restaurant

is supposed to be awesome-sauce.

I should cancel my Facebook account. It's too divisive.

I know it seems like they're having a conversation, but they're not.

They only say the last stupid thing that they were thinking.

But that doesn't mean that they're harmless.

They will rip your head off and chug your blood.

I mean, look at this guy.

It's like Prime Rib Night at the Golden Corral down there.

But mostly, life is like living in Grand Theft Auto...

...except better.

Woo-hoo!

Oh, crap.

A Yamashiro katana,

Honshū Province.

Television taught me every good sword has a name.

I mean, Excalibur, Vorpal, Longclaw, Sting... Needle!

I shall name mine...

Sam.

Ever since the bombs fell, animals have been mutating.

That used to be a pug.

So messed up, right?

No. No!

I really liked that place too.

So when shopping for a new home, you have to ask yourself,

“Can I build a minefield, or a moat, or a drawbridge to protect it?”

No? Move on.

Also, don't pick one with an unexploded missile in the front yard.

That's a deal-breaker.

Psst.

Shh.

Baron Triumph.

Help me! Anyone!

Please, help me!

Please, help!

That turd lord catches kids and purees them into hummus.

The apocalypse didn't eliminate the assholes.

It made them worse.

We have to rise above.

Every day is a chance to be great.

Be the flow.

Ghoulies, depraved flesh eaters on motorcycles,

and mutated animals aren't the only threats.

The bombs dropped six months ago, and all of the kids who survived

have more or less maintained their circle of friends.

Among the tribes are the Disciples of Kardashia,

the 4-H Club, the Jocks, the STEM Punks,

and countless other small tribes occupying their own territory.

The borders shift, so it's best to stay in your own lane.

Now, that's promising.

East-facing windows, nice location.

And Jesus makes a great security system.

Damn.

Some kids already called dibs.

Rule three: keep to yourself. I've avoided everyone since the boom.

Some kids... are worse than Ghoulies.

Things just got different.

Josh!

- Sam. - Josh!

Josh!

Josh!

Lookie here!

A party crasher.

Hey, bros, what does the Golf Team do

to those who crash our party?

Whoa!

Easy.

I heard a scream and thought there might be some trouble.

- What're you doing back there? - We're doing none of your business.

Buzz off, fly, unless you want to die.

Rhyming? Really, Jerry? Really?

Just kinda roll with it, Terry.

You sound like a knob with a dictionary, Jerry.

We're on the same team, Gary.

- Yo, Gary's just triggered, Barry. - Enough! I make the threats.

I'm team captain. It says so on my shirt.

And I say one of you doesn't belong here.

Gary, Barry, Jerry, Larry and... what's your name?

- Josh. - Tennis Josh?

- No. - Little Josh with the big truck?

- No. - Gay Josh or Other Gay Josh?

Just Josh, okay? You guys don't know me.

Well, now you're Wasting-Our-Time- And-Got-Himself-Dead Josh!

Whoa, damn!

Soon-To-Be-Dead Josh has got himself some brass.

Most scabs possum, but you...

Oh, you are interesting, bro.

I've got a killer origin story.

It's got revenge, and drama, and fights, and love.

True love.

We've been sans Snap for months.

Entertain us...

and you just might live.

Okay, my story?

I moved here before the start of school.

- You wanted to see me, Principal Burr? - Oh, Josh.

Josh, come on in.

Have a seat.

Hmm.

How's the move from Toronto?

Uh, yeah, good.

Hmm. You fitting in okay?

Yeah. Good.

Like your classes?

Yeah. Good.

Are you a fan of the walnut, Josh?

California is one of the biggest growers of nuts in the world.

We're not all celebrities and sunshine.

I know it's more on-trend to like almonds right now.

Can't go into a Starbucks without somebody asking for a splash of almond milk.

And cashews?

The cashew is a cross-cultural masterpiece.

But for me, it's the walnut,

the healthiest food in the world.

Filled with Vitamin E, phytonutrients...

Brain food, they call it. And that's all well and good, but...

you know why I like it?

Uh, why?

Because the toughest shell can be cracked.

- Are those for me? - These? Oh, no.

No, no.

No, these are plastic.

No, this is a nut-free campus. I'm sorry I wasn't clear about that.

Justin Salts, Terrence Markazian,

Erika Kim...

they even smell a nut, it's death.

Hospital trip, the whole thing.

Is that an allegory?

It's a metaphor.

A metaphor more. Moving isn't easy.

Not knowing anybody.

Well, now you know me.

Are you trying to bore us to death?

Yo, your story is tired, bro.

- Five percent Rotten Tomato, if that. - I don't get it.

How did a noob like you survive out here for six months all on his lonesome?

I can fish, hunt, rig solar panels, and purify water from my own urine,

which is even grosser than it sounds.

- What are you, MacGyver? - No.