Young & Hungry

Good morning.

Good mor...

- Mmm. - Ooh!

Yeah, it's good, right?

It's artisanal almond butter.

Well, "A", I'm really impressed that you know how to use the word "artisanal."

And "B", umm, almond butter? It's $15 a jar! We can't afford it!

Not with this.

Oh, okay, so you bought a $600 Vitamix to make $15 worth of almond butter?

- Yup. I'm starting - Mm-hm.

this new thing where I make different types of nut butters,

and I sell them at farmers markets all over the bay area.

Are ya?

Yes, I are.

Aww, you're nuts.

Hey, that could be my catchphrase.

Gabi, do you have any idea how much it would cost

to buy the nuts, the jars, the ribbons, the tag, the insurance,

let alone the permits for selling?

Oh, I have an idea!

Let's invent the computer.

Oh, no, no, no! It's important that innovation be crushed!

Gabi, I'm not trying to crush your dreams.

It's just that money is, you know... we don't have any.

So, this, ah, idea is just totally unrealistic.

"This idea is totally unrealistic."

I'll tell you what.

- I'll be fine with you buying this... - Yes.

...if you answer "none" to the following question.

How much of our rent, which is due in 11 days,

have you spent on this $600 blender?

Dream crusher.

Morning, girl.

What's the matter?

Sofia wants me to return this Vitamix, but I really want it.

Yeah, well, I want to be the meat in a Denzel-Lebron sandwich,

but we don't always get what we want.

And sometimes, we get arrested trying.

Check out the outfit I got for gay pride weekend.

You trying to scare them straight?

Look what I'm wearing.

Why is that parade float wearing your wig?

That's me!

Why are you going to pride?

Oh, remember when you tricked me into being a drag queen bingo host?

Ha, that was funny.

Well, now, I am a gay icon.

I got men buying me drinks all over town.

Because they think you're a man.

Well, if the size 12 shoe fits.

Hey, here's a thought.

Since Allan's out of town, why don't we go together?

I want to celebrate pride. Not shame.

No. Yolanda, think about it.

I'm an amazing publicist.

I can get us invites to the pre-party, the parade party, and the post-party.

You can get us free drinks.

We'll be the most popular pair of people at the pride parade.

Ooh, I like it.

And my apartment sits in the center of all the action,

so we can change outfits for every event!

Perfect! I own this in many patterns.

Oh, you know, thank God I didn't rent my place out.

You know, someone offered me $600 for the weekend?

Somebody offered you $600 to rent out your place?

That's right. My apartment has a view of the whole parade.

And people are willing to pay cash dollar money for that.

So, that means my apartment has a cash dollar money view.

(Whispering) Are you hearing this?

Oh... my God!

Guys...

I just got invited to an Ed Talk.

Congratulations! This is huge!

Wow, that's amazing!

If I knew what it was, I'd be more sincere.

Gabi, an Ed talk is when they invite this extremely successful person

to give this inspirational speech, and they live-stream it.

If it goes viral, this could be a game changer.

Fun!

Every great Ed Talk has this moment that is so mind-blowing,

the entire audience gasps.

I don't only have that, but I have a killer opening joke.

Check it.

Why was the computer stressed out when it got home from work?

'Cause it had a hard drive.

Roger, you'll be speaking first, and then Josh will follow.

Do you guys want the podium up or down?

I'll go up.

Not me.

See, Steve Jobs had it down.

Dalai Lama had it down.

And Josh Kaminski? He's gonna have it down.

I want nothing between me and my audience.

Oh, brother.

You know what, guys?

I got a little treat for ya.

I want you to come close. I'm going to share my opening joke.

Why was the computer stressed out when it got home?

'Cause it had a hard drive. Bam!

Well, this thing's obviously broken.

Hi.

Gabi, it's been three days. Why is the blender still here?

Well, remember when you said

that if I could figure out a way to pay for the blender

without using our rent money, I could keep it?

- Yeah. - Well, I did it!

You did what?

Well, Josh is away for the weekend doing some sort of talk.

And he asked me to house sit.

- Okay. - Meanwhile,

over here at our place,

it's gay pride, and if you have a view of the parade,

you can rent out your place for $600.

And guess what we have?

A view of the parade!

Problem solved, the fancy blender stays.

Gabi for the win.

Gabi, first, let me say

that I appreciate that you actually came up with

- a sensible plan. - I know. I know.

But there's just one problem.

I don't want strangers staying in my place,

touching my things, sleeping in my bed with their drool and their parts.

But Sofia...

No, Gabi, the answer is no. Nobody can stay here.

- (Knocking) - (Coughs)

We may have a little bit of a situation.

You rented out our apartment?

To really cool people.

Probably.

Hi. Listen, I'm really sorry...

- Hi. - Hi.

- And they're in. - Hi.

- I'm Sam. - And I'm Gracie.

This place is so cute.

Just like all the pictures.

Well, this is hardly a veranda.

Luckily, you guys have a view of the parade.

Her brother's the grand marshall.

Oh, my God! Sofia has a gay brother, too!

Yay for gay brothers!

Okay, well, I hate to break it to everybody,

but as co-habitant of said apartment,

I was not informed by the other co-habitant of this apartment

about this, ah, sub-leasing situation,

so I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Really? Well, did your co-habitant tell you we have a contract?

You signed a contract?

Yeah, but you love contracts!

I... I'm so mad right now, I don't even know where to start.

Sofia, hang on, okay? I have another idea.

Since you don't want them here, and they don't want to leave,

how about we upgrade them

to my boss' deluxe apartment in the sky?

That sounds so amazing!

No, no, no, I don't want to be in the sky.

I want to be here with the view of the parade.

Seriously, so now you're just offering Josh's apartment?

I... I can't believe you, Gabi.

You know what? I... hm... huh...

actually, I can believe it!

Because you do things like this all the time!

Well, I wouldn't do things like this all the time if you didn't always say no.

I wouldn't have to say no, Gabi, if-if you weren't acting like an irresponsible child.

Oh, my God. When did you get such a stick up your ass?

I don't know, maybe you put it there without asking me.

What's happening, Sofia?

We used to have fun and hang out and do stupid stuff together.

We grew up, Gabi,

or at least I did.

Well, if growing up means acting like you, then I don't want to.

And that's exactly the point.

I've grown up, and you haven't.

So, maybe the truth is we've just actually grown apart.

Oh, well, maybe we have.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

Oh, it's okay. We just had the same argument in the car.

I'm growing apart from her? I'm a child with stupid ideas?

Well, how stupid is this?

Stupid awesome!

Oh, my God.

I am so glad I decided to come with you.

Yeah, you are.

Thank you so much for letting me stay in... my apartment.

I hope the stick up my ass doesn't get in your way.

Oh, please.

With all the sticks Gracie's told me I have up my ass,

I could start a Popsicle factory.

Oh, my God. You travel with your own coasters?

- Yeah, is that crazy? - It's crazy awesome!

Wow. I've never been this high before.

Just kidding. I totally have.

That's really funny.

You know, Sofia used to make jokes like that.

Now, the only joke she makes is,

"Knock, knock. Who's there?

Shut up, we're broke."

And last week, Gabi...

Oh, it's Gabi texting me.

- Probably wanting to apologize. - Mm-hmm.