Friends

You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her first cookie.

Her first cookie? She has cookies all the time.

I've never given her a cookie.

- Have you? - No.

No. And for the record, I've also never given her frosting from a can.

Hey, Rach, the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation...

...and we wondered if you would write one for us?

- Of course. I would be honored. - Thank you.

I think there's been an oversight.

We would have asked you. We thought you wouldn't be interested.

It's just that we don't think of you as really being so much with the words.

Clearly, we were wrong.

I got a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, okay?

I know how much you want to have a baby...

...and I would love to help you get one.

You know what? Then we want you to do it.

Thank you. All right. Let me see how I'm gonna start.

"Dear Baby Adoption Decider People..."

So excited about your letter.

- Hey. - Hey, Phoebe.

- Wow, don't you look nice. - Yes, I do.

Today's Mike and my one-year anniversary.

What's it the anniversary of?

Your first date, your first kiss, first time you had sex?

Yeah.

So you must be going somewhere fancy to celebrate.

A Knicks game.

Aren't you a little overdressed?

I've never had a one-year anniversary before...

...so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy...

...I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry...

...and we're gonna have sex in a public restroom.

You guys do that?

Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom.

That's where people make number two.

The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits

So, you know, I have a little time if you want to...

I'd love to, but I really have to grade these papers.

Fine. It's fine.

I'll just shower by myself.

B. B. B. B. B.

You gave a B to a Pottery Barn catalog.

Well, it had some good ideas. Take off your shirt.

- Damn it. - Rachel, open up! It's your sister!

I have to talk to you.

Hi, Amy.

- You're not Rachel. - Still sharp as a tack.

Charlie, this is Rachel's sister Amy. Amy, this is Charlie.

- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Hi, hi.

And you are?

Ross? I grew up on your block?

We had Thanksgiving together last year?

I had a baby with your sister?

No. I...

Did I buy a falafel from you yesterday?

Yes. Yes, you did.

Hi, Rachel. Here's your sister Amy.

She thinks I need pec implants.

Amy? Hi.

- You remember Joey. - Yeah. Hey, sure.

- The Days of our Lives guy. - That's right, yeah.

You are not good.

Always nice to meet a fan.

- So, now, what are you doing here? - Well, I have huge news.

- Hold on. Let me check on the baby. - This is important. Can't Ella wait?

Her name is Emma.

Why did you change it? Ella was so much prettier.

What do I know? I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart.

Hey, your English is getting better.

- Oh, my God. - I know.

She may be the hottest girl I've ever hated.

- What you working on? - Monica and Chandler's recommendation.

I want it to sound smart, but I don't know any big words or anything.

- Why don't you use your thesaurus? - What did I just say?

Watch.

Here, highlight the word you want to change, go under "tools"...

...and the thesaurus generates-- Gives.

Gives a whole list of choices.

You can pick the word that sounds smartest.

My God, that's great. I'm smart.

No, no, I'm:

"Brainy, bright, clever." I love this thing!

Look out, ladies! Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!

God...

...so beautiful.

I know, isn't she?

No, I was talking about your bedding.

All right, what's your news, Amy?

Well...

...I'm getting married.

Wow! Oh, my God!

- To who? - This guy.

He has a killer apartment.

- And...? - And it's on Fifth.

And the elevator opens up right into the living room.

- No, what's he like? - Oh, he's okay.

Do you remember my old boyfriend Mark?

- Yeah. - It's his dad.

- Wow, so he's gotta be-- - Old? Yeah.

But he travels a lot, so he's hardly ever there.

Sweetie, I gotta tell you, it sounds a little bit like...

...you like the apartment more than you like--

Myron.

Yeah, I told you he was old.

Sit down. Sit down.

Honey, you know...

...I once also almost married somebody that I didn't love.

- Do you remember Barry? - Remember him?

God, we used to make out all the time after you went to sleep.

Sometimes just nodding is okay.

But anyway, listen.

Not marrying Barry was the best decision that I ever, ever made.

Honey, Amy, you deserve true love. Your soul mate is out there somewhere.

Someone that is your age, that is smart, that is fun...

...and that you care about.

You're right.

- You're right. I'm gonna do it. - Okay.

I'm gonna marry Myron and keep looking for Mr. Right.

Okay, let's keep talking.

Excuse me. Anniversary.

Excuse me. Anniversary.

Sir, could you move your nachos? They're in my seat.

It's my anniversary.

Here we are.

- I can't believe it's been a whole year. - I know.

This has been the best year...

- This has been the best year of my life! - Me too!

I never thought I could love someone this much!

I feel the same way!

You're so generous and kind, and you're amazing in bed!

It's our anniversary.

Knicks fans, please turn your attention to the big screen on the scoreboard.

Someone has a special question to ask.

How lame. It's so tacky and impersonal.

- Really? - It's the worst way to propose.

Excuse me.

I finished my recommendation. Here.

And I think you'll be very, very happy.

It's the longest I ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.

I don't understand.

Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?

It doesn't make any sense.

Well, of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.

On every word?

Yep.

All right, what was this sentence originally?

"They are warm, nice people with big hearts."

And that became, "They are humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens...

...with full-sized aortic pumps."

Yeah. Yeah. And hey, I really mean it, dude.

All right, Joey, I don't think we can use this.

- Why not? - Well, because you signed it:

"Baby Kangaroo Tribbiani."

Why don't you stop worrying about sounding smart and just be yourself.

You don't need a thesaurus. Just write from here.

Your full-sized aortic pump.

- Amy. Hi. - I took your advice.

- I left Myron. - Good for you!

I know. I'm Erin Brockovich.

Yes, you are.

- I'm so proud of you. - Thank you.

So can I stay with you?

But Erin Brockovich had her own house.

Look who's back.

Why do you have bags? Why does she have bags?

I'm staying with you guys.

- What? - We're gonna be roomies!

Come on.

- You slept out here? - Yeah.

Amy kept kicking me in her sleep, yelling, "Myron, get off!"

But we're getting rid of her, right? Please tell me we're getting rid of her?

- Joey, I can't do that. - Oh, come on.

Last night I was finishing off a pizza, and she said:

"A moment on the lips, forever on the hips."

I don't need that kind of talk in my house!

Joey, look, I know that she's difficult...

...but I think it's really good that she's here.

Because we'll appreciate it more when she's gone?

No, it's just-- Look, when I first moved to this city, I was a lot like her.

I was spoiled, self-centered. And you guys really took care of me.

Yeah. Monica made us.

Well, whatever. I really appreciate it...

...because I don't think I would be the person I am today...

...if it wasn't for you guys.

So I want to help Amy the way you guys helped me.

And I know it's gonna take patience, but that's okay.

- Good morning. - Yeah.

That's what I'm wearing today. That's why I hung it on the door.

Oh, sweetie, you can't pull this off.

You know what? I was thinking that maybe now would be a good time...

...for us to sit down and, you know, talk about your future.

Oh, I can't, honey. I'm gonna go get my eyebrows shaped.

I am not happy.

Sure you want to eat that?

I'm curvy and I like it!

- Hi. - Hi.

I just had the worst anniversary ever.

I doubt that. Tell her about us last year.

Well, I bought Chandler a $500 watch, and he wrote me a rap song.

- Seriously? - Word.