It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Holy shit!

Holy shit, that is steep!

Trust me, this is the best way to learn.

See, this is why I don't like

leaving Philly, man. This is nuts.

You're gonna be fine, man.

The mountain is a majestical place

where you push your limits and you maximize your potential.

No, the mountain is a place where you party, man,

have fun. That's what it's all about. Yeah, like those '80s movies.

Yeah, but we're not in a movie. I mean, we're gonna get hurt. We're not gonna get hurt.

For some reason, the rules are just different on the mountain.

The rules for what? Everything, dude. You've seen those '80s movies.

What do I do with my hands? How do I ski? Well, you're supposed

to have poles. Uh... You know what, hold on to these guys for balance.

These are glass. Yeah.

And don't break 'em, bitch. What is this,

a double black diamond? I wish it was a triple black.

Dudes, let's shred.

Whoo, yeah!

Still got it, baby!

Rip city!

Wonder how Charlie's doing.

Oh, here he comes.

Whoa! Whoa!

Uh...

Yeah...!

MAN (over P.A.): Another beautiful day at Alpine Ridge.

End of the season is right around the corner,

so get those turns in while you can,

and don't forget to sign up for the big race this Sunday,

which will determine the best skier on the mountain.

That was totally insane. I mean, I can't believe

you guys can ski like that. Hmm?

It's just nuts. I'm not doing it again, man.

What are you talking about? It's so dangerous.

No. You did a great job, man. Hey, look, is your body hurt?

No. You okay?

Yeah. That's 'cause it's mountain rules, man.

I don't get that, though. I just feel like I got lucky.

Nah. You just need to learn to use your edges a little bit more.

Learn to turn... Right down the mountain!

Après-ski! Let's get our drink on!

No, I don't think I'm gonna be doing that.

I'm gonna get a sensible meal, head back to my room,

log in my times,

chart my progress, 'cause I'm gonna win.

Win what?

At skiing. Oh, hey.

What's shakin', brother?

Oh, what's shakin'? Well, I'll tell you

what's shakin'-- these skis, quite literally.

Now, I need these things waxed and sharpened by 8:00 a.m.

I want to make first tracks.

No problemo. Anything else?

You guys need helmets?

Uh, I'll take a helmet. While you're back there,

could you slap a sticker on the side of mine that says "pussy"?

Yeah, I feel you, babe, but those are the rules.

Whatever, dude. Part of what makes skiing so fun

is that your brains could get bashed in, in any moment.

Mm-hmm. Yeah,

it didn't used to always be this way.

This used to be Party Mountain.

Hot babes, cold brews. And now I hear some

corporate stooge wants to turn this place into a private resort

for rich CEOs. They can't do that to Party Mountain.

It's not called Party Mountain. It's called Alpine Ridge.

There's one of those yuppie vultures now.

Don't worry.

We got this covered.

Cool.

Show this fat-cat asshole what's what!

Eat this, bitch!

Oh, shit.

What'd you do that for? Oh, sorry, Frank.

We thought you were some jerk-off

who bought the mountain.

I am the jerk-off who bought the mountain.

What?! I'm turning it

into a members-only resort

for millionaires to plow their trophy whores in private.

Whoa! That sounds amazing, Frank.

I'm in. I'm in. What are you talking about?

And ruin Party Mountain?

You know, who cares about your stupid plans?

Let's go rage, Dee. Hang on a second.

I-I'm, like, so lost.

So, uh, who do I go with in this situation?

Well, that depends, Charlie. You could go drink cheap beer

amongst swine and savages, like you would on any other day,

or... you could get the most out of this mountain.

And you could get the most out of yourself

by joining an elite class of athletes and gentlemen alike.

Right, Frank? Yes.

Huh. That sounds kind of cool.

Yeah. All right, you guys go-- why should I go with you?

Go with them. Who cares?

We're here for two days.

You guys it is! All right.

Hey-yo!

Hey, man. Remember us from the ski shop?

Ah, the party guys!

Hey! Yeah!

Come on in.

Yeah! Yeah!

Awesome. Awesome.

Well... looks like you guys had

a real shit-kicker last night, huh?

Rager!

Oh, oh, the cans.

No, no, we're just recycling to help pay the rent.

Oh. Mm.

That's my roommate, Turkey.

We call him Turkey, 'cause his favorite drink is Wild Turkey.

Awesome! Yes! Oh, badass!

Like your suit, too.

What are you, coming from a Gatsby party?

No, I was in court all day.

I was trying to win back custody of my daughter.

Oh. Mm.

: That's a bit of a downer. Yeah.

Yeah, pretty much.

Hey. Hey, Roach. Roach, come meet some people.

Who stole my goddamn burrito?

No, it's there, Roach. I just moved it to make room

for my coleslaw. Look.

Did you mess with it?

Did you come in it?

Did you come in my burrito?!

I didn't come in your burrito!

I wouldn't do that to you!

He's a little squirrelly

from the concussions.

Like I said, no helmets back in the day.

Guys, I got to admit, this is, uh...

it's not as much of a party vibe as it is a, uh...

A pathetic vibe. Yeah.

MAC (chuckles): Yeah, I mean,

come on, this used to be Party Mountain,

you know, and... and Babe Manor,

that's the capital of Party Mountain.

Yeah. When was the last time you even had a babe in here?

Oh, uh... my daughter stopped by about six weeks ago.

Served me a court summons. I say count it.

No, don't. Don't count it. Oh, guys, guys,

guys, guys, don't you miss the old days,

when you were the kings of this mountain?

You used to rip sweet powder, then come home and crush brews.

I do.

Let's take back this mountain!

Why don't you guys dig deep

and show me those inner party animals.

Let's crush some brews!

Let's empty some cans!

Yeah! Whoo! Yeah!

Hey, hey, hey!

Rent money! No, no.

No, no, no, no, no. Whoa, no, no.

Drink 'em. Drink 'em.

Oh, yeah, it's been so long, I forgot.

Let's drink 'em,

Whoo! then recycle!

Yeah!

Sure. Yeah. Okay.

2,000 acres of private powder,

high-speed lifts, five-star lodging,

and a state-of-the-art spa.

Snow Palace.

Well, Frank, it's... marvelous.

Thank you. There's only one thing missing.

What's that?

The Dennis Reynolds Ski Academy. Could be a...

a good idea to get a model of that.

What are you doing? Hmm?

What are you doing, eating a tree?

Yeah, I thought this was made out of candy.

It's a plastic tree, Charlie.

It's not made out of candy.

You said that this was a candy model.

I never said it was a candy model. I believe I heard

you mention it was a model made out of candy.

Well, let's just focus on the banquet

that I'm having tomorrow night

to entice local investors.

It'd be a good idea to get a model of the banquet.

We could make that candy.

I'd like to get a visual on that banquet.

And we may as well make it candy. It should be candy.

All right, look, forget about the model, all right? Let's not talk about the model.

The only model that you should know is Tatiana.

Tatiana, come in here.

Meet Tatiana.

She came all the way from Bulgaria

to hand-deliver her finest

caviar.