Game Over, Man!

Housekeeping!

-Arm yourselves, gentlemen. -

Okay, this is the last time I'm gonna say it, and then I'll drop it.

But what about my jeans club idea?

Right? Twenty dollars a month

for access to over 10,000 pairs of jeans?

Who wouldn't buy that?

Well, almost everybody we asked about it. Right?

What about my hot-tutor idea?

Kids would study harder if their tutor was really hot, right?

We just needed to build up our-- our stable of tutoresses.

Yeah, well, maybe when you called them a "stable of tutoresses"

on the Craigslisting... that was a bad idea.

We could come up with other names.

The whole point is that it's a weird concept

to hire women to take off their clothes for children.

Why am I coming up with the ideas, right? I'm not the idea guy.

Darren, that's you. You're the idea guy.

I'm the "why." You're the "what."

Baby Dunc, you're the "how."

So let's put it into high gear right now, baby.

Why? Because our lives suck.

I did my part. What are we gonna do about it, Darren?

And how are we gonna do it, Baby Dunc?

Let's go! Let's freakin'...

...put it into high gear.

Yeah, let's kick it into high gear. Sell me some salvia.

-I'm about to get high. -Darren.

Darren, you're a drug addict. And I'm here to help.

-I got you. There you go. -Thank you, baby.

Enjoy that.

-Ooh. -What the hell are you doing, man?

I'm a hustler. "I'm a-- I'm a hustler."

I'm basically the Rick Ross of our friendship tripod.

What's the big deal?

Weed does not do the trick anymore.

-This stuff does. -Really great.

I'm not gonna become the mom from Moonlight.

Yeah, no. I know what that movie's about.

I steered clear of that one.

I'm more of a La La Land guy.

La-la boy.

Bye-bye.

Latro.

-Gonna start tweakin'. -Yeah.

- He's gonna start tweakin'! -

Oh, my God. Look at the size of this dude's load!

-What? -Look at this thing!

- Don't touch it. -

-That's a heavy hitter. -

Whoa. Yeah, no.

It's like Nickelodeon Gak.

-The consistency's thick, like flubber. -Mm.

Rub some on our shoes, see if we can play basketball.

- -I mean, his nut sack must be gigantoid.

- Yeah. -Right? Just big old sack

-to produce that. -I don't really wanna imagine

any nut sacks,

but I will say the only thing that would make me blow a load that big

is a really hot babe, right? I am right?

- Mm-hmm. -Yeah.

I mean, look. They're everywhere, man.

There's one. There's one.

This guy's busting loads all over this room.

That's what we should be doing.

We should be busting loads into condoms

or maybe even not into condoms if she's tested.

He's chuggin' champagne like a freakin' boss!

I'm over here-- I'm holding on to the poop side of this scrubber.

Sure, yes. I've heard all of this before.

We should be wearing diamonds, collecting albino pythons, dating on Raya.

Raya?

We're not, okay? We're here.

-This is our life. -

That's still fizzy. It's pretty good. You might want some.

-What was that? - Oh, he's tweaking.

Here, here. Grab a condom. Put it on his face. I'll take a picture.

-Oh, you are a dog. -

- That's what he gets. - Oh, my God.

Ooh, we got the snakeskin.

- Don't do drugs. -No!

-Okay. -No!

-Put it on his face. -Take the photo.

-Take the picture. Take a photo. -No.

I will as soon as you put it on his face.

-I'm not going to. Just take the photo. -Just put it on his face.

-He'll get an STD. -All the ejac is inside of the condom.

-Take the photo. -

-Grab it! -

The outside, the woman--

-she could have one, obviously. -

-Well, she-- -Hey!

What's wrong with him?

-Yep. Darren! -No!

-All right, just stop. -Darren.

Okay. Joel, I got this. Come on.

You want some salvia? Huh?

Get the fuck out of my room.

Get out, maids.

We're not maids. We're housekeepers.

-Not even that hot. -Yeah, dude, you're not even that hot.

I was talking about the chick, Baby Dunc.

Yeah, so was I.

It's 2018. You can call chicks dudes now.

-Okay. -You can.

What the heck are you guys doing?

Hey, dude. See?

- - Is he high again?

No.

I don't think he's being truthful. I have to call Mitch.

Wish you wouldn't.

- Don't do that! - Hi, Mitch.

-It's Cassie. -Don't do that to your boy.

-Jesus Christ. -What?

Pick him up. Put him on the cart.

Come on, Darren. Come on, come on.

Jesus.

So they were yelling at hotel guests and smoking dope.

-Is that right? -Yes.

Yelling at guests, screaming obscenities.

Well, Tums... boys will be boys.

You still want that associate manager promotion, don't you?

Well, honey, tonight is your chance to prove it.

All right?

Hope you got your balls on, now.

No, I have--

uh, yes, I have giant, uh, lady-- lady parts

that hang like balls.

They're also called ovaries. Those are inside.

Good, 'cause we have got a shit storm of a party heading our way tonight.

Boys, I'm gonna need you working too.

Toni-- what? Are you serious?

Corky! This is Mr. Ahmad.

He is the personal attaché of the Bey of Tunisia.

Oh, like the butler from Fresh Prince?

Very neat.

-I'm far from a butler. - Wonder what happened to that guy.

Oh, that dude's paid. He's doing fine.

Bey Awadi. The rich dude from Instagram?

This is who we speak of.

Aw, I love that dude.

He takes all the pictures with the hot models

and the guns and the hovercrafts,

and the hot models shooting guns on hovercrafts.

Yeah, didn't he poop off the Eiffel Tower?

- Mm-mm, no. -Yeah.

He paid a man $10,000 to poop off the Eiffel Tower.

That's what's up.

He pays dudes tons of money all the time

-to do, like, stupid shit. -Wow.

-Dudes. -What?

We should pitch him the...

We should... pitch in tonight.

At the party. And be a team player.

Also, I should mention, uh, no cameras. That includes cell phones.

-Privacy... a great concern of the Bey. -All right, copy that. Give them up, boys.

-What, now? - Yeah.

Hashtag "right now." What is it with you kids and the phones? Come on.

You'll get 'em back at the end of the night.

Okay. Now...

you guys have some place to be? I bet you do, huh?

So fucking get there!

Oh, hey!

Sack up now, Tums. Big night, right?

Yes!

-I can't get in there. -

I call her Tums 'cause she relieves my heartburn.

Always been a nickname guy,

even when I was back QB-ing at USC.