Leprechaun

Ahh.

Try as they will,

and try as they might,

who steals me gold

won't live through the night.

Ahh.

A limousine?

What in the world has gotten into you, Mr. O'Grady?

Just the start, my dear. Just the start.

Take the last look at this dump.

Tomorrow, we'll be looking at mansions.

Mansions? Will you listen to yourself?

And a limousine!

We've got no money for this.

Right inside.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Did the funeral parlor deliver the package?

Aye. 'Tis on the porch where they left it.

I don't want to touch it.

Will you tell me what's going on here, Daniel O'Grady?

Will that be all, sir?

Ah, Joseph.

Bon voyage, Captain.

Thank you very much, sir. You have a nice evening.

Ma'am.

What's goin' on here is we're rich.

You were supposed to bury your mother,

not send her ashes all the way from Ireland.

What are you going to do?

It's not me mother's ashes.

Gold, Leah! Gold.

What in the Lord's name?

A pot of gold!

A wee person, a leprechaun.

I caught him and made him show me where his gold is.

It's the rule, you know.

Aye, you're a drunken fool.

And a storyteller.

It's the truth! I'm tellin'--

Do you not know there's a storm brewing?

I'm telling you the truth.

Come on to bed now,

and I'll make you a pot of nice, hot tea.

Leprechaun, indeed.

Pot of gold.

Whatever next?

Dan? Dan, is that you?

I can't breathe. Please open the suitcase.

I'm gonna suffocate.

- What in the world? - Do you like

the gold buckles on me shoes?

I want me gold now!

Oh! Oh, God, no!

Oh.

No problem.

I smell some tea brewing.

I hid the gold, Leah. We're rich now.

Where did you hide it, Dan?

Did you hide it somewhere near the house?

Tell me where you hid the gold.

How did you find me?

The wee people have their magical ways.

I knew it.

What have you done with my wife?

Oh... Oh, the poor lass.

I should've told her to watch her step.

I'll get ya.

It's my gold.

I'll fix him. I'll get him.

Your wife makes a fine pot of tea, Danny me boy.

Where did you get that?

- I'll fix you, you bastard! - No! No!

Here's what you'll get, ya monster.

Get it away! Put it away!

I got the gold fair and square.

Them are the rules.

Catch me if you can.

You can't get away.

Looking for something?

What did you do?

You killed my wife.

Hello, Dan. I'm okay.

I just got a little kink in me neck.

I-- I-I should've killed you when I caught you in Ireland.

Give him the gold, Dan.

He's a nice, little leprechaun.

I'll give you more than gold.

Aah!

Your bullets won't stop me forever.

I'll keep coming back.

The power of this clover will keep you in there forever.

Get that damn clover off this crate.

I told you you couldn't kill me.

Where's me gold, Danny me boy?

Oh, Danny, don't strain yourself now.

No, not gasoline.

You can't burn me. I won't let ya.

Don't strain yourself.

You're not as young as you used to be.

You might have a stroke.

I curse ye for all eternity.

I've traded me soul for me gold.

You'll trade your life.

If you give me me gold back, I'll go away.

Oh, Danny!

What's wrong?

Burn in hell, you little, green bastard!

Did the match go out, Danny?

Dad, I'm still depressed.

I mean, come on, here I am in New Mexico

with my hick father for the whole summer.

- Hey! - No offense, okay?

First of all, it's not New Mexico.

- It's North Dakota. - Like it matters.

All I care about is it's not LA.

Wait.

This is a joke, right?

This is our poor neighbors' house,

and then you're gonna take us to our house.

Never judge a book by its cover, honey.

Dad, this book doesn't even have a cover.

I'm going to be miserable here.

There's no swimming pool, there's no shopping malls,

there's no cable.

Bet you don't even have a TV.

Oh, this sure ain't Beverly Hills.

Oh, I can't wait to see this house.

Careful.

Huh.

Oh, great.

Just when I thought this house couldn't get any worse...

an old basement.

Well, great place to store all the rocks

and pine cones I'm gonna find.

Okay, okay. It's a little dusty, I admit that.

Just clean it up a little bit, splash some paint around.

Oh, God.

You'll need to slap some bulldozers around to fix this place up.

Oh, God! Gross. Cobwebs.

You're making too big a deal out of this, honey.

This is a great house.

I got a great buy on it.

Yeah, from who? Dracula?

How about I get a hotel somewhere in town and you can come visit...

like, once a week?

Hey, I'll pay for it.

Tory, honey...

you really think money's all you need to get by in this life?

- Huh? - Okay, I'll go with that theory.

Dad, do you see that spider?

It's huge. That thing could kill us.

Okay? And I'm going to turn around and I'm walking out of this basement,

and I'm going back up to the jeep.

I am making a reservation at the nearest hotel in town.

This is worse than summer camp.

I'd rather sleep in a tent!

Wait, hold on, hold on. Hello?

We're breaking up. Wait. Okay.

Okay, that's good. Okay, hi.

I'd like to make a reservation.

Yes, I'd like it to be a really tall room,

- and I want it to be very-- - Ow!

- Great! - Oh!

Who are you?

Uh, I was a guy carryin' some paint thinner.

Oh, God. Okay.

Here. Does that cover?

Wait, hold on a second.

You knock over my can of paint thinner, and then you offer me 20 bucks?

Okay. Okay.

How about that? Will that do it?

Uh, no.

But maybe if you said you were sorry, you know, it might.

Okay, here, look, here-- Keep the change. I'm in a really big hurry.

Um, there's a big, ugly, disgusting house I'd just like to distance myself from.

What, you mean this house here? The O'Grady place?

Yeah, that place. It's really gross.

There's bugs. There's cobwebs.

God only knows what else is in there.

What's so funny?

Well, I just think it's funny the way girls are always afraid

of spiders and stuff, you know?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, wait a minute.

Did I misplace my 1950s calendar here? "Girls"?

Listen, bud, okay? This is the '90s.

Women are treated equal.

Well, first off, my name isn't "bud."

It's Nathan.

I don't know many guys that are afraid of houses.

- Oh, is that so? - Yeah.

Well, you know what? Neither am I.

I'm not afraid of anything.

- Right. - Okay.

Tory?

- Yeah? What--? - Honey?

- Let's go. - What are you talking about?

- What are you doing? - I-I'm not gonna fight you anymore.

The house, you hate the house.

- It's dirty, it's dusty. - No--

You really think I'm afraid of a little dust and some bugs?