Outing - Engaged by Mistake (Outing - Fidanzati per sbaglio)

Can you describe your relationship with Federico Maretti?

It's been a lifetime, it started when we were children.

- Ever since you were children... - We were brought up together.

When we grew up I couldn't afford to stay.

I left for Milan,

but we have remained in touch almost every day, for nine years.

This doesn't make you a common-law couple.

What is a common-law couple in your opinion?

"THERE IS NO PURSUIT OF THE ADMINISTRATORS OF A STATE

THAT BELONGS TO A WOMAN BECAUSE SHE IS A WOMAN

OR TO A MAN BECAUSE HE IS A MAN.

BUT THE NATURAL CAPACITIES ARE DISTRIBUTED ALIKE

AMONG BOTH CREATURES." PLATO, 410 B.C.

"THEY'RE FAGS, THEIR PROBLEM." A. CASSANO, SOCCER PLAYER A.D. 2012

I'm not leaving for war, it's just the college.

Want some?

No, thanks.

- Where are you going? - Milan.

Then I'm gonna write to you right now. Goodbye.

- Hello. - Here's the shopping list.

See you tonight.

You used to be nicer.

Me? Never been nice.

Lucia, why don't we have a pizza?

Why don't we have a pizza? Honey, two words: public relations.

I already tried, I'm not enough gay for fashion, nor am I a PR guy.

Then you're suited for the job of sales clerk all of your life.

- I don't have anything against sales clerks. - I do!

Have you got your drawings?

Then let's go!

COINS NOT ACCEPTED.

You're so beautiful! Good evening.

- Please. - Thank you.

I apologize for my vehicle,

which I have only borrowed at the last minute

from a less well-to-do friend.

Unfortunately, my brother took the Porsche exactly tonight.

- I'll take care of it. - It's fine. - Shit.

- ... taking out the biennial Biennale! - Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

There is this labyrinth of anuses, this show, very nice one,

curated by our German friend,

there are anuses from different kinds of materials,

titanium anuses, lead anuses, wooden, even marble anuses.

Riccardo, may I introduce Jeremy and Phil to you?

They have launched the greatest fashion designers.

All of them. Bacon. Super Nazy.

And what does this nice lad do?

- Come on! - I design dresses.

Good. You might take an internship at our firm.

- How old are you? - I'm 31.

RICCARDO TERZINO FASHION DESIGNER

He's perfect for an internship, are these your models?

- Yeah! - Let's see!

Did you get lost by any chance?

Do you have the satnav?

Of course! In the glove compartment.

Don't worry.

- Thank you. - So what do you think?

Ehm... Jeremy, return the models to the boy.

I'd like to keep these models and have a proper look at them.

Hopefully it's not a problem.

Of course not.

Thank you.

- Are we far? - No, here we are.

They have spoken of it very well.

The chef was especially recommended to me.

After you.

Good evening. We booked.

It is not only an honor, but it's a pleasure:

our latest discovery, Manolo!

- You might be in his place! - Or he in mine!

The bill?

FEDERICO MARETTI UNEMPLOYED

Mr. Director. Mr. Director!

Who?

The well-connected one.

It's my first day of work.

Good morning.

Maria Luisa Giannetti, our new editor-in-chief.

- Be quiet. - Shut up.

- Please! - Dear colleagues,

we slumped to 5,000 copies. Time to change!

Enough with these boring, heavy news...

- Politics, drugs, murders... - Truth is so tiring, isn't it?

Exactly!

Can we discuss this in my office?

Oh, no! We shouldn't discuss anything,

we should clear up once and for all!

Good morning. I'd like to leave my CV to you.

Yes. Human Resources, right-hand corridor, first door.

Thank you.

- You and your shitty newspaper! - Stop being a pain in the ass!

You only hire well-connected people who can't do shit for tits,

and you know why? Because you're a slave!

Fuck off.

Sweetie! I don't hire anyone, is that clear?

What is it?

Person in charge for roadside restaurants' restrooms.

- In charge? - Yes.

In charge of opening and closing the Barletta cemetery night gates.

Just out of curiosity,

did many people leave the cemetery at night?

No. Not many.

Listen, Mr. Federico Maretti, what do you want exactly from me?

Look, Mr. Director, considering my CV

and that I am an expert in communication...

You are fluent in English, of course.

Of course.

You know, we are a target-oriented core business...

you're with me, aren't you?

- Yes, I am. - The core business where words like

partnership, network, fucking take on new meanings every day...

You don't understand shit of what I'm saying, do you?

No, honey, no... why?

Because at 1 p.m. I'll be in San Babila for the Rotaract meeting.

Tonight I have pilates.

Excuse me a moment, honey.

May I call you back? I have an incoming call.

Just a minute. Thanks. Mom?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yes, I have already eaten. Yes.

No, he's sleeping.

I'm going out and having a spritz.

Yes, mom, we're in Milan and people drink spritz.

No, mom, you don't understand, you really don't.

I am friends with the Milanese! Fine, bye bye. Bye.

Lucia... are you going to be in the bathroom for long?

Yes.

A virtuous circle. A clean cycle of raw materials.

Thanks everybody!

- When will it become operational? - Mr. Pavoni, one question.

How did you get the funds for waste disposal

from the EU and the Region?

It's 70 billion Euro!

The "Puglia Oggi" newspaper? Be good boys!

Come on! How did you get the funds? Tell us!

Our project was the most reliable, Miss Rappini.

Your project was the only one. No one else applied, Mr. Pavoni.

Thanks everybody. Thank you.

You are poking around everywhere.

If you want, I can help you find something.

- I doubt it. - I might surprise you.

I don't think so.

You're challenging me.

DIRTY WASTE

OUTING FROM THE REGION. FUNDS FOR THE YOUTH.

- Can we buy prosciutto? - No, we can't.

You're scraping the bottom this month too, uh?

Rosa... thank you.

- May I have an ice-cream? - Which one?

- Cornetto. - Hold on.

- That one can make you sick. - Fine, I'll have a popsicle then.

Bro, we're rich!

What are you doing here?

Hey!

- So! You look very well! - You too, you too!

- You made yourself a beautiful home. - Myself...

- It's beautiful. - It's not really...

Lucia, look who...

- You never die, uh? - Nice to see you too.

And how long are you staying? No, when are you leaving?

Just the time to say hello to my friend.

Ah, Lucia, he has an allergy...

let's bring Dior in another room, come on.

Why in the world? He's so sweet!

This is the right opportunity.

It would be nice. And then...

... a real fashion house!

Tell me the truth! Did you imagine this life for you?

No.

Then... come on!

I don't know, Federico. I do have a job.

Come with me tomorrow. Let's get these funds.

I can't give up everything.

- Then I'm leaving tonight. - Now don't be an idiot.

There are no trains at this time.

Kid, I am used to getting by.

What did the asshole want?

That I leave with him and open a fashion house.

Fine. Let's change subject. Are you in the mood?

No... not tonight.

I am worried. It's night.

You want us to go to the station and look for him?

Would you do that?

Half-fag!

- God bless you. - Good morning, sister Adele. How are you?

Don't even ask me. My lumbago.

It feels like needles in my lower back. It's terrible!

I know, I know, sister Adele. Goodbye!

Mr. Director? Do you remember next week?

- Remember what? - Dobbiaco.

Your speech for the sisters. It's only two days,

- don't fall prey to sloth now. - Two days? I must find a window.

It's a beautiful moment of reflection, and joy!

You can't let your sisters down now,

the affectionate readers of your newspaper! Am I clear?

So you will not only save on the final invoice...

This is my Barbie! She's a great actress!

She's beautiful! So, not only will you save on the final invoice...

She makes great films! And she's a lawyer too!