Last Man Standing

-Whoa, whoa. -Whoa.

-Hey. -What are you doing in here?

Thursday Night Football, baby.

Oh, Terry, no, no. No, Thursday Night Football is over.

What do you mean it's over? Why would the networks do that?

-That's crazy. Listen.

Networks do a lot of weird stuff.

Uh, they're based in California. That's all I'm gonna say.

I guess I will just have to do some binge-watching!

Oh... -Hey, have you ever seen that show Downtown Abby?

-What is that girl all about? Oh, no,

no, look, no. (chuckles) Uh, Mike and I--

-we're gonna watch our favorite show. -(Mike chuckles)

-Really? What's it about? -Yeah.

It's about a real funny dad and-and other people,

but mostly about the funny dad.

Well, the dad has a wife, too,

and she's-she's smoking hot.

Uh... uh, she's on that and, like, seven other shows.

Then maybe I'll just have to find somebody else

to hang out with, won't I?

There you go.

Howie Long.

You got his number?

Terry, he asked us not to give it to you.

Well, I'll see you next Thursday.

Next Thursday.

Thursday Night Football. All right?

By the way, I'd like a little bigger TV.

That's way too small.

Thursday!

We're gonna have to move.

Whoa, whoa, boy. What is all this?

Oh, I made breakfast for Vanessa.

You are the most thoughtful exchange student ever.

Now get rid of all of it.

Why?

Just, okay, listen, she's a little cranky.

Doesn't happen often, but when she gets cranky,

this is all too much for her. It'll be too much.

You got to back off. She's like a...

like a coiled snake in a bathrobe

she thin is cashmere.

Backing off might be best for those of you

who are cuteness-challenged, but I think I'll be fine.

Good morning, Vanessa.

I made you breakfast to start your New Year off right.

Yeah, I'll still have to clean up the mess,

so it's the same old, same old, isn't it?

I tried to warn you.

"The stove is hot."

"Oh, oh, this stove? Ow!"

Look, I'm sor-- I'm sorry, Jen.

I'm just a little upset about something,

so I think it would be best

if everyone would just leave me alone for a bit.

Absolutely... not!

No one walks away from Jen until they have a smile

on their face and a song in their heart.

Jen, Jen, Jen, look at the muffin.

Look at the time!

I think I'll get to school early and help the janitor...

mop.

I wish you wouldn't do that.

What? Protect children from danger?

No, no, pretend like I'm some kind of ticking time bomb.

I'm sorry if I was up late trying

to-to finish the New Year's jigsaw puzzle

that I always do with the girls, but this year

I had to do all by myself, because apparently

they have fancy lives and are too busy to stop by.

-Uh-huh. -(sighs)

Just because they don't live here anymore,

does that mean everything has to change?

I mean, I barely get to see them as it is,

and now I don't even get them on New Year's?

That sucks.

That's it?

That's it? That's all you have to say?

Just "Uh-huh" and "That sucks"?

Yeah.

I've been burned by that stove way too many times, honey.

-Oh, you know what? Forget it. Forget it. -No. Hey, babe.

-No, I don't want to talk to you. Forget it. No, I... -Come on, come on, stop, stop...

I-I know you're upset because you don't get

to spend enough time with the girls.

It's something that we're gonna get used to, I promise. We will.

-(laughs) -Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah.

You know why you're saying that?

Well, let's be honest. I say a lot of stuff

that I get punished for later.

You're saying that

because you get to see the girls at work all the time.

Kristin works for you and now Mandy works for you.

And I bet once Eve graduates from the Academy,

you're gonna steal her away from me, too.

-Don't even... -(mocking): That sucks.

I'm gonna go help mop at the school.

*

So, as you can see,

I have enough designs in my athleisure line

to fill any and all parts of the store,

up to and including these offices.

It's brilliant, just brilliant.

It's as if da Vinci created clothes

for women who want to look athletic...

but aren't.

You don't need to treat her like she's my daughter.

Treat her like any other supplier.

All right.

I like your stuff,

but if it struggles for two consecutive quarters,

you're out on your ass.

-Yeah? Good. -Okay.

And don't bitch about shelf space.

And always remember rule number one:

make me money, or I make you gone.

Yes, sir.

Welcome aboard, kiddo.

-Thank you. -Good.

Oh, and, uh, one more rule--

no fish in the microwave.

Okay? No.

-Thanks, Dad. -Congratulations.

Thank you. This is so exciting.

-2020 is gonna be the Year of Mandy. -Yeah?

I have a new apartment, my clothing line's expanding.

-Uh-huh. -And Kyle's finally got...

* A healthy sperm count!

Oh, grow up, Dad.

You don't get another grandchild

unless some guy's swimmers meet your daughter's floaters.

You've done the impossible.

You've ruined the concept of grandchildren.

Hey.

Hey. -Thank God you showed up

before I willed myself to have a stroke.

Okay. Uh, why did you need to see both of us?

You're coming over for dinner Saturday night.

Your mom says we don't see enough of you girls.

Now get out. I'm busy.

I have plans Saturday.

Ryan's taking me to a bluegrass concert called Cornstock.

Marriage is compromise.

And I got plans, too, Dad.

They involve Kyle and a little bow-chicka-bow-bow.

Eve is coming up from the Air Force Academy.

You're coming, too, okay?

Your mom is having a hard time.

Apparently she misses all of this.

Well, I talk to Mom all the time.

Yeah, me, too. I just texted her this morning.

That's not the same thing.

She wants to be with you.

You know your mom.

An emotional connection to her is a physical connection.

Which is why, around our house,

there's so much bom-chicka-bow-bow.

-Thanks for doing this, honey. -Mm.

-Sorry I was so tough on you lately. Mmm. -Mmm.

Yeah. It was nothing. I didn't do anything.

The girls just wanted to spend some time with you, right, guys?

We're just gonna pretend you didn't order us here?

I thought you military types were good at "Don't tell."

No, no, no. It's okay, it's okay.

I'm just thrilled to be surrounded by my girls again.

And we are happy to be here.

It's better than a bluegrass hootenanny.

I want some credit, too.

I gave up a night of hot baby-making.

Wow, you just got to stop this.

Otherwise, I'm gonna start mashing with your mom right now.

I-I don't appreciate that as a threat, Mike.

Um, hey, you know what?

How about I open a bottle of champagne,

and we can toast this fabulous night?

I'm in. -Yeah. None for me, though, thanks.

Oh, come on. It's a special bottle

I didn't get to open on New Year's because I was alone.

You were with me, honey.

Which is alone-adjacent.

I'm gonna have to pass on the champagne.

Oh. You don't want a drink with dinner?

Looks like Ryan had the intervention without us.

Really?

I am not an alcoholic.

Exactly what an alcoholic would say.

But maybe there's an-another reason I'm... not... drinking?

You're... al... ready... drunk?

Wait, wait.

-Kristin, are you...? -Pregnant.

-(shrieks, laughs) -Oh!

Almost four months. Surprise!

Oh, fantastic!

Oh, my God! Congratulations!

Swear to God, I knew it.

Wow. That is really low, Kris.

-What?! -You know, you can't just

blurt something like that out in front of everyone.