In Living Color

Now entering our studio...

a video store clerk from Houston's Fifth Ward...

Amfeny Clark.

A bicycle messenger from uptown New York...

- T-Dog Jenkins. -

And a housewife from Clearwater, Florida...

- Katie Corell. -

And now the host of Dirty Dozens...

- Stu Dunfey.! -

Oh, thank you so much. Hello and welcome to The Dirty Dozens...

where talkin' trash can get you cash.

So, if you listen, you'll hear some dissin'.

All righty. Let's look at our categories.

Your Mama's So Stupid.

Your Mama's So Fat.

Your Mama's So Old.

And Pot luck.

T-Dog, start us off.

I'll take Your Mama's So Stupid, uh, for a hundred, Stu.

All righty. Your mama's so stupid...

Your mama's so stupid, she jumped out the window, and the ho went up.

- - Yes.

T-Dog gets a hundred.

So let's reveal the first piece of tonight's mystery dis.

Care to take a guess, T-Dog?

Uh, your mama's so fat, uh, they had to baptize her at Sea World?

- - Hoo, hoo, hoo.

Nice dis, but no.

You still have control of the board, T-Dog.

I think I will stick with Stupid, Stu.

And Stupid you get.

Your mama's so stupid...

Uh, yeah. Your mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

- - Correct.

Amfeny in the house with 200.

- Amfeny, what'll it be? - Stupid for 300.

Okay. Your mama's so stupid...

Your mother's so stupid, she scored below average on a recent I.Q. Test.

- - Ooh.

No. I'm sorry. Anybody?

Yeah. Your mama's so stupid...

she asked for a price check at the 99-cent store.

- - Yes.

Now, that's one stupid mama.

Amfeny controls the board.

Uh, Stu, I'll take Pot Luck for 100.

Wild card category. Let's get the 411.

Your Mama's So Short.

Your mama's so short, she poses for trophies.

- -

Casting aspersions on your mama. What's next, T-Dog?

I will stick with Pot Luck, for 200, Stu.

And this one is... OOh.

Your Mama's So Stank.

Your mama's so stank, she's really unpleasant to be around.

- - No. Up for grabs.

Your mama's so ugly, when she sits in the sand, the cat tries to bury her.

- - Oh. Judges?

- - No.

I'm sorry. We can't accept that. The category was Mama's So Stank.

Not Mama's So Ugly. Stank.

But you still have control of the board, Amfeny.

Yeah, uh, let's go to Fat for a hundred.

Okay. Your mama's so fat...

Your mama's so fat, she sat on a quarter...

and squeezed a booger out of George Washington's nose.

Whoot. There it is.

I think I will stick with Your Mama's So Fat, for 200, Stu.

All righty. Your mama's so fat...

Uh, yeah. Your mama's so fat, when she sits around the house...

I mean she really sits around the house.

- - I'm down with that. Pick again.

Uh, let's go to Pot Luck for 300.

Last in the category. Your Mama's So Nasty.

Your mama's so nasty, the punk bitch...

only changes her stanky, funky drawers...

every 10,000 miles.

Word to your mama.

Looks like Katie's down with O.P.P.

And it looks like you're on the board with 300.

- - Katie... Oh, but look at that. We're out of time.

Hey, we'll have to reveal the missing pieces and have a look at the mystery dis.

The category is... Mama's So Fat.

- T-Dog. -

Uh. Your mama's butt is so big...

it looks like two pigs fightin' over a Milk Dud.

- - Correct.! And that gives T-Dog the game.!

So come on over for the lightning round.

Oh!

Nicely done, sir. Let's meet...

Let's meet... your challenger.

The reigning four-time Dirty Dozens champion...

and my main man... ScottyJ.!

Ah, the Terminator in the house.

You both know the rules. This is the lightning round.

Dozens from any category are accepted.

The first man to flinch is eliminated.

All right. On your marks... and go.

Your mama gums is so black, she spits Yoo-Hoo.

- - Ouch.

Your mother's teeth so rotten, when she smile, it look like she got a mouthful of dice.

- - Fresh.

Your mother's so old, when God said, "Let there be light"...

- she hit the switch. -

T-Dog. Dope.

Like, your mother's so fat, she eats biscuits like Tic Tacs.

- - Fresh.

- Come on. - Your mama so black, the police shot at her...

and the bullets came back for flashlights.

- -

- What's up? - Your mother got a mouth in the back of her neck.

- The witch chew like this. - Back to you.

Your mama got a leg right here, right here, right here, right there.

- The witch walk like this. - Proper.

Your mama's so ugly... Your mama ugly!

Mama so ugly, when a person come up to her with a cat...

- And that ain't the cat. -

- Fresh. - Come on! Come on! Come on!

Your mama got a ear right here. She talkin' about...

- I don't wanna hear it. I don't wanna hear it. -

- To you. - What's up?

- Wow. -

Folks. Folks.

There you have it.

T-Dog is our champion.

Join us tomorrow for another edition of The Dirty Dozens.

Good night, everybody.

Some contestants on The Dirty Dozens will receive...

Dry Notion antiperspirant...

made for a man, but strong enough for your mama.

I hate goin' to the beach...

'cause I'm flatter than a Michael Bolton high note.

Oh. I used to hate it, too, before I discovered these.

Okay, sun, do your thing.

Laurie, you got breast implants?

You know how dangerous those are?

Oh, calm down, Serena.

They're Ball Park breast implants.

- Ball Park breast implants? - Yeah. They plump when you cook 'em.

Just apply heat, and out they pop... tender, perky, juicy.

And they're great between a bun.

See?

Yeah, but are they safe?

Is a hot dog safe? There's nothing to worry about.

Ball Park breast implants are made of 100% natural animal lips...

tongues, ears and entrails.

Exactly what hot dogs are made out of.

Yeah, but what if you want to, you know, take them out?

Oh, Serena, that's easy.

All you gotta do is eat them.

Just make sure you heat them thoroughly.

- Ah! -

- Oh! - They're still plumping.

This is amazing. Maybe I should get Ball Park implants too.

Well, it's about time you moved up from the minors.

Hey, ladies. Got some mustard for these buns?

Ooh!

Now that I've got a Ball Park butt enhancer...

I can hang with the homeboys anytime.

Hey, Arsenio! Hooh! Hooh! Hooh!

- Better move on. You are blockin' my sun. -

Ball Park breast implants and Ball Park butt enhancer.

Available in chicken, turkey and new "lite"varieties.

They plump when you cook 'em.

Welcome to the final round of the 12th annual...

African-American Revival Competition.

Hello. I'm Harv Firestone, and I'm here with a man who has no trouble being heard.