Bartleby

"Name.

"Address.

"Telephone number.

"Date of birth.

"Nationality.

"Education.

"Social Security number.

"Previous employment.

"Give two references.

"Position and salary."

- Yes? Hello? - Hello?

Hello? Will you hold, please?

Hello? Can I help you?

Yes. I...

I want to find out about the job advertised in the paper.

Hello?

Yes? Hello? Can I help you?

Yes...

Yes, I want to find out about the job advertised in the paper.

Hello?

Hello?

Audit clerk? Fifth floor, turn right.

Fifth floor, turn right.

- Yes? - I've come about the job advertised.

That was a week ago.

But I think it's still available. Just a minute.

Fill this in, will you?

Sit down.

Will you come this way, please?

Good morning.

Come in.

Sit down, sit down.

You're looking for a position as audit clerk here?

Tell me, have you ever done this kind of work before?

Yes.

I see.

Where have you worked before?

I worked in the Post Office, in the dead letter section.

Oh, really? How interesting.

I've often wondered what happens to letters

that can't be delivered and can't be returned.

But, er... what does all this have to do with accounting?

Nothing. I was going to say, I was then transferred

to the controller's department as an audit clerk.

Good. So, you've had experience with accounts and bookkeeping?

I was...

an audit clerk.

Well, work here is on a smaller scale,

though some of our larger clients require all our resources.

I take it you're familiar with, um... double-entry bookkeeping, but, er...

have you had experience with, um...

computer-based accounts and programming?

No, thank you.

Now...

tell me a little bit about your background.

I put it all down in the application.

Yes.

I see. I see.

Well, I always like my applicants to do a little test for me.

See what you can do with this.

Perhaps we should, er... discuss your salary?

The salary is not important.

Anything reasonable will be all right.

"Anything...

"reasonable"?

Indeed. Quite.

We're surrounded by other firms in this sizeable building,

but we're still a tight-knit, happy little family.

And, of course, you must appreciate that here we expect an employee

to stay on a minimum period of time.

It's no use to us if you disappear after a few months.

And, if things work out,

there's always a chance of something more senior, more permanent.

Well, do you think this job is your kettle of fish?

Now, take your time to answer.

I will...

accept.

You... accept?

I see.

You accept.

Hello, lovely.

Give us a kiss.

Go away.

Hello, hello, hello, hello!

'Ere, John. Get a load of this one.

Twelve women go in a fridge. How many birds?

Go on. Twelve women in a fridge. How many birds?

Twenty-four blue tits!

No?

Twenty-four blue tits! Yes, blue tits!

Would you come this way, please?

- Twist or stick? - Twist.

Who is this Bartleby character, anyway?

He's the new clerk.

Well, I don't think he's so bad, really.

Ah, get out of it!

'Ere, I bet you he's queer.

No, I don't think so.

You know, I think he must be epileptic or something.

- You mean he has fits? - Yeah.

No!

Here he comes.

Hmm. Beat twenty.

Bartleby!

Bartleby, come in here.

And bring in the Prebble file with you, please.

I would rather not, just now.

When you're ready.

Come in when you're ready, Bartleby.

Miss Brown?

Oh, yes. Er...

Take these to Tucker, will you?

Oh, er, by the way...

What's Bartleby up to?

I don't know, sir.

Bartleby?

Let's get going on these new accounts.

I want to show you what I want done.

I don't think I'd like to just at the moment.

What do you mean? I don't understand.

I've asked you once already.

I mean, I prefer not to go over the accounts.

Are you mad?

What do you mean, "prefer not to"?

I want to show you what to do.

Tucker, will you come into my office, please?

Who the hell do you think you are?

I've got my work to do. You've got yours.

And I'm not doing yours for you.

Tucker, Bartleby seems to be having some difficulty.

Could you and Dickinson look after the Prebble account for the time being?

If you ask me to.

Though I don't see why I should do his work.

Just for the time being.

Until I get Bartleby organised.

It's a hell of a life, isn't it?

Yes, I...

It is.

What do you do with yourself, Bartleby, in your spare time?

- Do you smoke? - No.

Do you drink?

Do you gamble?

Where are you from, then?

Oh, it's, er...

I...

What?

Nothing.

What do you do? For fun, I mean.

I go for walks.

A lot.

- Walks? - Yes.

I like to...

look at things.

I see.

Do you?

Really?

See? Well, I'm not blind, am I?

You're a bit strange.

I'm not...

strange.

I know...

what I think.

Bartleby... Um, Tucker. Would you come into my office, please?

Yes, sir.

- Bartleby, could you come in, please? - Yes.

What is wanted?

Sit down.

Now, Bartleby... Sit down.

I want to check the procedures for the Prebble account

and verify our results so far.

With the three of us, it'll be faster.

I don't feel I can...

just at the moment.

What on earth do you mean by this?

I would prefer not to say.

"Prefer not to"?

What do you mean, you prefer not to?

Are you refusing to co-operate?

I prefer not to.

But look here, this is normal practice.

It's an excellent way to save work for both of you.

You verify your work with the same stroke.

Kill two birds with one stone, as it were.

Don't you?

I would not like to kill two birds with one stone.

It's simply common practice here.

It's not unreasonable.

Well?

- What do you think of it? - Think of it?

I think he should do what you ask him to do.

But am I unreasonable?

No, sir. Not at all.

I think he's a bit round the bend.

You see, Bartleby, my demands are reasonable.

This office isn't exactly a slave labour camp, is it?

Go and have lunch. Think about it.

Oh, I say, I... I can't find anybody on deck.

Would you be so good as to look after these for me, please?

I would prefer not to.

- I... I beg your pardon? - I would prefer not to.