Drifters

Get to the edge.

Get to the edge.

Absolutely, again.

Right, just step off, love.

Just do it.

Oh, God no.

I don't think I can.

Go, Meg.

You've done really well, mate.

I think I've pooed my harness.

I had an epitome.

Epiphany or epitome?

Well, they're two separate words.

OK, so I had a moment on the plane,

because I realized that I don't really know what I'm doing

with like, the rest of my life. Do you know what I mean?

Hardly ever, but yes.

Then I remembered what that visionary

said to me on the beach before he sold me my crystal.

Didn't he ask you for a handy?

Well, yeah, but he also said, ask the universe for what

you want, and it'll happen.

Do you want this?

Yes.

You see, it's weird.

Is that to carry your necklace?

Are you there yet, Gary?

Gary, are you there yet?

Time's up.

What, I haven't finished.

Well, I have, and I need to go.

What about me?

Sort yourself out.

Gary, what are you looking at?

Porn.

Do you know how insulting this is?

I do all the same stuff that they do.

Oh, come on Laura, you're not as dirty as the internet.

OK, so I've asked the universe to bring me to my calling.

What, Leeds?

Showbiz, Meg.

What do you want?

I want to know what my ex-boyfriend

is standing out there.

Oh, um, Jesus, it's Mark.

Why would your mental ex-boyfriend be out there?

Because he's mental.

Wonder if he still wears your underwear.

I'm way too jet-lagged to deal with this.

Help me.

I can ask the universe, but it's not always instant.

A sane suggestion would be great.

OK.

What are we going to do?

That's the question.

Right, we're going to do what all rational, adult women

would do in this situation.

What's that?

Hide.

Look, look, Laura, look, look, Laura.

Hi.

Get down.

It

All right.

Hey, mate.

Why are we hiding?

Have you nicked summat?

No.

Mental Mark's over there.

I thought you broke up.

We did.

I'm very single now.

Well you couldn't remember it out there.

Oh, what, because I wasn't getting

fingered by every single tour guide in southern India?

I've missed this.

Do you want me to deck him?

No, we're just going to leave the airport

hiding behind this trolley.

Very well, then.

OK.

Coast clear.

Hey.

Hey.

Thanks for picking us up anyway, mate.

We bought you this in India.

Guys, I fucking love it.

So where have you parked?

What?

I got the bus.

You're right, he shouldn't be looking at porn.

It's degrading to women.

I'm not arsed about that.

I just don't get why he needs it.

He's got this.

But you can't compete with the internet, Laura,

these women are professionals.

So am I.

Professional means you get paid.

All right, well anyways, I'm going to show him.

I've got a sexting mission underway.

How do you spell tongue?

I can't wait go straight to bed.

Don't be a boner, mate.

We're going out.

Well, I'm not drinking.

I've still got two Valium in my system.

So you have been to sleep.

No, Meg is the only person in living

history to have taken Valium and then had a panic attack.

I'll say it again, how can you be

sure it was Valium when you bought

them from a rickshaw driver?

Oh, Gary's stepped it up a gear.

How do you spell fisting?

I've got a really good feeling about this summer.

Well, this is wonderful.

I am thrilled.

Oh, thanks mum, it's good to be back.

And I would like to propose a toast.

To our clever son, James.

Or should I say, James Kesick, Executive Account Manager

and proud owner of an Audi.

What?

Aren't you going to uni?

I don't need a degree.

I've been headhunted.

So cheers to PPI, and to mom and dad for supporting me.

Congratulations, son.

Well, I would like to propose a toast.

To me and Bunny, for going the whole way around some of India

without getting killed.

We had to go to the embassy once when Bunny lost her passport,

and it was actually fine, 'cause it was in my bum bag.

Cheers.

Well done, guys.

There he is.

Give Mark a hand with that please, James.

Who?

Oh great, now we're all here.

Meggles.

I came to the airport.

Did you?

What are you doing here?

Well, I work for your dad now.

I tell you what, that lad really knows his stone.

And I wanted to see you.

Do you wanna come upstairs?

Yes, please.

I think we should talk.

We'll just be in my room.

Oooh.

Why is my room a walk-in wardrobe?

Didn't you know?

No, what the fu... where am I supposed to sleep?

It looks so different.

It's crazy to think this is the room

where I took your virginity.

Yeah, not as crazy as saying that in this situation, Mark.

Oh, you silly, pretty thing.

Come here, I've missed you.

Yeah look, I'm really sorry about everything.

Are you OK?

Yeah.

Look, I know you want your space and I respect that.

But there's something I wanted to...

Yeah, but I didn't. Sorry.

You go.

No, sorry, you go first.

OK, well.

Here goes.

Oh God, please don't be a poem.

No, I want...

Us to still be friends, yeah.

No, no, I want...

Closure, I know.

No.

I really don't think we should be having breakup sex, Mark.

I want you to move in with me.

What?

I've rented us a flat in Headingley,

in case you're wondering where all your stuff is.

I love you.

Oh my god.

I suddenly feel very jet-lagged, Mark.

I'm just going to lie down on these bags.

He's not my boyfriend.

He's a deluded, emotionally unstable psychopath.

I don't want to be near him, let alone living with him.

She's very tired.

Well, I changed our relationship status

on Facebook.

If that isn't breaking up with him, I don't known what is.

He tried to cut all my hair...

Girls are looking pretty in their summer

frocks, well, skimpy shorts and bikini...

Think I'll go back to the new pad.

Tell her I'll see her there.

OK, bye Mark.

See you, Mark.