It's Kind of a Funny Story

It starts on a bridge.

Craig !

What were you planning to do about your bike, hon?

l don't care about my bike. l'm killing myself.

But we spent a lot of money on the bike, sport.

We only ask that you take care of it.

Think of me, Craig. l might want that bike when l grow up.

l'm sorry. l just didn't think it. . .

That's right. You just didn't think about us

when you were deciding to do this, did you, honey?

Pretty selfish, l'd say.

Have you thought about how this might affect your sister?

l'm. . . l'm sorry, l. . .

This is the moment where I usuaIIy wake up in a sweaty panic.

But for some reason,

this time was different.

l. . .

l want to kill myself.

Fill this out. So. . .

How you doing?

You got a cigarette?

Uh. . . No, sorry.

What's wrong with you?

l just don't smoke.

No, l mean, why are you in an ER,

at 5:00 on a Sunday morning?

Well. . .

l guess, there's just been

a lot going on in my mind lately.

Go ahead.

Okay, well, this is sort of difficult to explain.

But. . . See there's this girl. . .

Yeah, got you.

And this summer school application that l'm really nervous about.

Summer school?

Yeah, it's like this super prestigious, kind of. . .

Why would you want to be in school in the summer?

You should be on Coney lsland, bird-dogging chicks.

Are you a doctor?

What do you think?

You. . . You don't really seem like a doctor.

You ever heard of Doogie Howser?

Well, l hope they fix whatever's wrong with you.

Thank you. Yeah.

So, how long have you been feeling suicidal?

l don't know. l've been depressed for about a year.

Mmm-hmm.

And l've thought about it before, but never like this.

You know, never so real.

Did anything happen today specifically to trigger these feelings?

Sometimes l wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.

That my father beat me. Or l was sexually abused.

But my probIems are less dramatic than that.

Like, my dad aIways asks the wrong questions.

So, Craig, how's the lntro to Wall Street class?

So maybe this is a sIight exaggeration,

but I do have a probIem with stress vomiting.

And my friends sometimes look at me like I'm from another pIanet.

And l'm obsessed with this girI.

Who happens to be going out with my best friend.

So, is there any one thing that made me want to jump off a bridge?

Um. . . No. Nothing unusual.

Hmm.

You on any medications?

Zoloft. But l stopped.

Yeah, did your doctor take you off the meds?

No, l just stopped on my own.

Oh, you shouldn't do that.

Well, Craig, it doesn't seem like you're a danger to yourself.

So, what l'm gonna suggest is that we contact your parents,

let them know what's going on,

and then we refer you to one of our outpatient services.

Okay? But. . .

l need help now.

l know you're upset.

But, Craig, the people that we admit into this facility,

are very, very sick.

l am, too.

Well, can't you just, like, give me something?

Not without your parents' consent.

Look, this is serious business.

Maybe l'm not explaining right how serious this is.

lt feels like everything is just building up,

and everyone else, they just seem

to handle everything. You know, like. . .

But not me, you know.

l'm scared, okay?

And l can't go back out there.

l don't know what. . .

l might do something.

So, l just need some help. Please. l just need you to help me.

Welcome to 3 North, Craig.

Um. . . What exactly is 3 North?

Our adult psychiatric floor.

Oh, but, l'm only 1 6.

Our teen floor is undergoing some renovations,

so all teens are here with the adults.

And while you're with us, you'll be expected to act like one.

So, starting tomorrow,

you'll follow the schedule and participate in the group activities.

ln the meantime, we'll contact your family, and they can bring over

a change of clothes, toothbrush, that kind of thing.

Well, l don't think l'll be here that long.

l have school tomorrow, so. . .

You'll have to discuss that with Dr. Minerva.

Now, do you have any sharp objects on you? Pocket knife? Keys?

And your belt and shoe laces.

My shoe laces?

We can't take any chances.

SMlTTY: Hey, Dr. Minerva.

MlNERVA: Hey, Smitty.

This is our new patient, Craig Gilner.

Hi, Craig. How are you?

Um. . . Just, like, you know.

Well, why don't you get settled in, and we'll talk later, okay?

Nice to meet you, Craig.

lt'll come to you.

SMlTTY: Good morning, Jimmy.

What was that about?

Jimmy? He's a schizophrenic.

ls there a place here for people more like me?

We got all kinds of patients here, man. All kinds. . .

Hey, hey, Bobby!

My man.

How about a tour for our new friend, Craig, here? What do you say?

Sure thing, babe. SMlTTY: Thanks, man.

So, Bobby's gonna show you around,

while we fix up your room, okay?

Okay. Yeah? All right.

See you guys in a jiff.

So, is this like a mental ward?

Not a ward, it's a hospital.

Well, this is where we hang out.

There's a record player and such.

All the records are scratched.

Some folks like to hang out and play table tennis.

Did they tell you about the points system?

Points for ping-pong?

l think the name ping-pong trivializes the sport.

But, l mean, like, points for privileges, to hang out in the rec room,

visit the gift shop, stuff like that.

You can join them if you like.

Uh, no, l'm cool.

Cool Craig. l like that.

This is the shower. lt doesn't have a lock.

So when you go in, put it on "in-use," get it?

l got it. Okay, you got it, but nobody else does.

So they'll walk in on you when you're scrubbing your balls.

And you don't want that.

There's one in the other hall, too,

but l wouldn't use it. lt bothers Solomon.

Who's Solomon?

Hey, Bobby! Hey, Cap.

Right here, this is where you call people.

Assuming you have people. Or they can call you.

You know, telephone.

And this is the TV room.

People hang out and watch TV in that room.

That's why they call it that.

Um. . . Who was that?

That's Noelle. She's one of the teens.

Did they tell you about the renovations?

Yeah.

How old are you?

Sixteen.

Sixteen !

You look stressed out for 1 6.

You need to relax. Get a girlfriend, or something, you know.

l'm working on it. Mmm-hmm.

So what is it you do here, exactly?

Same thing as you.

You're a patient?

What were you doing in the emergency room this morning?

ER has the best coffee, son.

They just let you out?

No.

What are you in here for?

Let's go see if Smitty's got your room ready.

Hey, Muqtada, got a new roommate, man.

Hey.

Don't take it personal, man. He doesn't really talk much.

And l've actually never seen him leave the room.

SMlTTY: Okay, guys, lunch in five.

What do they have for lunch?

l'm sorry?

Please, turn out light.

CRAlG: Dr. Minerva.

l'm feeling much better now.

l was feeling bad this morning, but l'm okay now.

So, you know, l'd like to go home, if that's cool.

lt says here you're suicidal and asked to be admitted.

Yeah, l thought you guys could do something quick.

You know, like give me some medication to make me feel better.

Or. . .

Look, l didn't think that l'd be committed.

l really don't think l belong here.

A lot of patients feel that way at first. Just give it a little time.

How little?

Five days.

Five days?