F/X

Hi.

Harry! What a surprise. It's good to see you.

Hey... It's not what it looks like.

Tony and I are old friends. Ain't that

right, Tony?

Harry and I were partners.

Harry?

Well, more than partners?

Good times, Harry?

No. No, Harry.

Harry, no!

Cut, cut!

Great! We've got it!

Are you ladies all right?

Are you OK? That was great.

Ellen, come on outta there.

- How was I? - You were great. Nobody dies like you.

Are we goin' again?

- Not on your bit. - Good! I'm free!

He wants the bartender again.

- Yeah, you're free for lunch. - Where are we going?

- The Italian joint? - I hate Italian food.

Hey, you did a beautiful job.

- Where have you been? - Plenty of blood.

- How are we doin' here? - Rollie... Great work.

- Looked terrific. - Let's do it again sometime.

We will, in a minute.

It's perfect now. The cornstarch works great.

- Rollie Tyler? - Yeah.

- Hi. I'm Joe Leitner. - How do you do?

Rollie, that was sensational. As usual.

- We're gonna go again soon. - Yeah. We'll be right...

I've been a big fan of yours since you came to this country.

Thank you very much but... we're a little busy now, as you can see.

- How did you get on the set? - I'm not just a fan.

I'm a producer.

I've really admired your stuff.

- Ever since Vermin from Venus. - You saw that?

That's the one that got him deported from Australia.

But the special effects were... incredible!

- And also very expensive. - Well, we have a decent budget.

Which brings me to the project I wanted to talk to you about.

- It's not a splatter movie. More sci-fi. - Hi.

I'm Ellen. I'm in the movie.

Right! The wig and everything.

- That was lovely. I saw that. - Thank you.

That was...

- If we could discuss this privately... - Tomorrow, 11 a.m. at my workshop?

11 a.m. is great. Thanks very much. I appreciate this.

Very nice to meet you. And that looked great! Amazing.

Bye-bye.

Thanks very much.

Nice man. Might be a job in that.

Nobody cares about making movies about people any more.

All they care about is... special effects.

I'm gonna cry.

- Frank, can I borrow this? - Sure.

Rollie...

- That works great! - It's good, innit?

- It's for the suicide scene. - Sure is.

- It's great. - Like it?

No.

Listen, guys. I'm gonna skip lunch cos I feel yucky and I wanna take a shower.

- Charlie, could you drop Ellen off? - Yeah. No problem.

I love you. Goodbye. 7 o'clock. Don't forget.

- Bye, Andy. - Bye, Ellen.

The first stop is Prince Street between Wooster and Greene.

I'm the first to make sure of my real life pleasure!

I have an audition in half an hour.

I have to go to Susan's apartment. Water those cats and feed the plants.

Don't forget. Dinner tonight in Susan's apartment.

I don't wanna go. I'll stay here with... No, I gotta go.

Do you have to rehearse this early in the morning?

Oh, God...

- Good luck! - Break a leg.

Break a leg.

Taxi!

Hey, Leitner!

Up here!

Sorry. I should've warned you about Rosebud.

- I use it to scare off burglars. - I can believe that!

- Come on in. - That is great.

Oh, my God!

- Song of the Succubus. - That's right.

Planet of the Female Mummies.

- You've done your homework. - Yeah... Oh, God!

Blood in the Basement.

- Careful of that. - Sorry.

- I Dismember Mama. - You know 'em all.

Yeah. That's great. That's beautiful.

Rock-A-Die Baby.

How about some coffee, Mr Leitner?

My name's not Leitner. It's Lipton.

OK, Lipton. In that case, maybe you'd prefer tea.

- I'm not a movie producer either. - So what are you?

Justice Department.

Sorry about using the phoney names, but it's for security, yours as well as mine.

- Am I in trouble? - No! Not at all.

As a matter of fact, we are. And...

We thought we might be able to utilise your particular genius to help us out.

- Did you say coffee? - Yeah. Great. Thanks.

Ever heard of the Witness Relocation Program?

Can't say I have, no.

Basically people testify for the government in exchange for protection.

We give them new identities, set them up in different cities...

- Milk? Sugar? - Milk, no sugar. Thanks.

I did a movie like that once. A guy sees a murder...

I'd like to hear about that, but...

- We have Nicholas De Franco in custody. - The Mob guy? I read about him.

He'll testify for us if we can keep him alive that long.

Well, good luck.

A contract's been put out on his life.

So we figure the best thing to do is to make them believe that he's dead.

There you go.

We wanna stage a fake assassination.

We wanna do it in public, and we want you to supervise it.

You're crazy.

Look, I wasn't just flattering you.

- I know you could pull it off. - I didn't say I couldn't pull it off.

Just direct it for me. Supervise it.

Christ! You've seen too many movies.

Just out of curiosity, when would this have to happen?

- Within a week. - God! No way!

Why not? You're used to working under pressure.

I'm a special-effects man. I deal in make-believe.

I'd like to keep it like that.

It requires skill, precision and timing!

I couldn't teach you to do what I do in a week and expect you to pull it off.

We're in a position to break the Mafia's back, put 20% of 'em behind bars.

- Also, I'll pay $30,000 tax free... - Money doesn't give me the time I need!

OK, look. Just think about it.

Just think about it, please.

That's all we ask.

Who's the "we"?

Do you have any idea what damage De Franco could do to organised crime

- if he lives to testify? - Nice work if you can get it.

What does that mean?

It means it pisses me off, that's all.

God, this guy's a total slime.

Been one of the heads of organised crime for 40 years.

Then when he wants to retire, he just gives evidence and walks away scot-free.

Mr Tyler, that 40 years is exactly why he's so valuable to us.

I mean, if life were fair we wouldn't need a Justice Department.

No, I guess you wouldn't.

What do you say? Will you help us?

Well, I'd like to... but this is a bit out of my line.

- Shit. - Martin...

Great. Stick with your make-believe toy models.

- Mr Tyler's under no obligation. - Thank you.

Listen, I thank you for coming.

I'm disappointed... You realise it's important we keep this confidential?

- Yeah, sure. - And I understand.

I mean, it is a big responsibility.

I appreciate your moral qualms about De Franco.

I'll remember your moral qualms next time a teenager OD's on Mafia dope.

Good. You do that.

Leave him alone, Martin. We'll get McKinnon.

Yeah, that's the guy we should've gone to in the first place.

- Bill McKinnon? - Yeah.

It was nice meeting you, Mr Tyler.

Give me 24 hours to think about it?

Hi.

How are you?

"Fine! How are you?"

- I'm great. How are you? - Sorry. I'm a little preoccupied.

- Did you take that job? - They're thinking about using McKinnon.

McKinnon? Is there a part for me in it?

You'd work on a job that used McKinnon instead of me?

Sweetie, never ask an actress a question like that.

No, there's no part for you in it. Not in this job.

Then who cares if they use McKinnon?

Bok choy has great texture. Like alien flesh.

Is that all you ever think about?

I try not to.

What is it? McKinnon?

- No, not exactly. - Then why are you so serious?

Andy? Rollie.

Yeah, I know what time it is.

I need your radiotelephone.

I'll be right over.

No, just leave it with the doorman.

You go back to sleep, all right?

Good night.

That job that guy wanted me to do?

I think I'll do it.

At 3 o'clock in the morning?

See you.

- What's this? You don't smoke cigars. - Rollie, please don't. It's personal.

Come on, Andy. I've known you for four years. What is it?

Just don't look in there. OK?

OK, Andy. Head down Broadway. I'm not goin' in till noon today.

- Where are we going? - You are going to return the gear.

I'm gonna see a man about a job.

Now pull over!

Tyler?

Anyone see you come up?

- Did anyone see you? - No. What the hell are you doing?

- So no one knows you're here. - My secretary! I told her.

- You're lying, Lipton. - Jesus! All right, I'm lying!

You got a dangerous sense of humour, mate.