The Middle

Some days is just like any another day.

Come on, Sean.

Let's hear about everybody's day. I'll go first.

I went to work, filled my purse with doughnuts,

- Didn't sell a car, came home. - There's doughnuts?

Sorry. I hit a lot of red lights on the way back.

- All right, next. - I didn't make the chess team.

Turns out, it's nothing like checkers.

I finally sneezed this eraser out of my nose.

I did stuff. Whatever.

I found a dinosaur bone.

What?

Then again, some days really surprise you.

Yeah, I was in the south end of the quarry,

And all of a sudden I look down,

And there's this gnarled claw bone thing.

Awesome!

- Cool! - That's not lame.

At the commuty college, have them come pick it up.

What? You're gonna let them take credit for your discovery?

Mike, this is a big deal.

Dad, you should ll the "ors herald."

Maybe they'll put your picture in the paper.

Oh, they don't want my picture in the paper.

Well, they did that whole article on the guy

Who found the chicken nugget shaped like texas.

I think you'll get in.

So mike called the "orson herald"...

who called the local news...

who called the national news...

and just like that...

So we gotta shut down for four months

To let the paleontologists dig.

mike was out of a job.

Oh, you're home early.

And you made dinner. What a nice surprise.

Yeah, well, it's really more of a bad surprise.

Aw, you forgot ketchup. Ohh, this sucks!

I'm out of a job.

- What? - Wait! found it.

It was under the french fries.

They're closing the quarry down for a few months

So scientists can come in and dig up the rest of it.

- Dude! - Yeah.

Oh, my god. You lost your job. Are we gonna be okay?

Don't worry. It's just a few months.

We'll be fine.

- Absolutely. - Nothing to worry about.

Hey, mike, can I see you in the kitchen for a sec?

Okay.

Oh my God, Mike, we are screwed.

Oh, yeah. I would not want to be us right now.

At the dealership.

That's just something I say when the kids are in the room.

We can't afford you being out of work right now.

What are you gonna do?

Well, I thought I might travel a little bit,

Bike around europe. What do you think I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna find another job. I got a lot of skills.

- I'm not worried. - Okay. then I'm not either.

Mom, sign this.

You're running for school historian?

What? I thought you'd want me to run.

Brick, every time you sign up for something,

- I end up doing it. - That's not true.

Mom, I entered the science fair.

We're having a party for mr. Peterson's retirement.

I signed up to write him a song.

# mr. Peterson, you were really fun #

# we're gonna miss you a ton, mr. Peter-son #

You won't have to do a thing this time.

I promise. All I need is your signature.

Or I could have axl do your signature.

He's really good at it.

Hey, here's a job.

"paleontologist's assistant.

Must have master's degree."

It's not fair. You're totally qualified.

You found the damn thing.

Trust me, dad. I've been looking. There's no jobs out there,

No matter how awesome you may be.

Seriously, I texted my resume to, like, Three places last week.

You can't just text your resume places.

Times like these, you gotta get out there,

Work the shoe leather. Finding a job is a job.

I'd like to quit that job.

Well, the only way to quit that job is to get a job,

And that's why you're going with me

To the orson job fair this weekend.

Oh, god! When do I get time for myself?

Job fair? More like unfair.

When a fine young man like that can't get a job,

What hope is there for the rest of us?

And so mike was officially on the job hunt.

And he did look pretty snazzy in his funeral blazer.

This is a line just to get in.

Lot of people looking for jobs.

This is lame. I'm the only one here under 100.

hey, where's your resumes?

How do you expect to get any interviews?

Dude, I'm on an interview right now

With the guy from the movie theater.

Do you want to see a picture of his dog puking?

Oh, look. It's indiana bones.

If you find anything on the ground,

Don't tell this guy.

My interview's going great. How do you spell "scrotum"?

Aw, brick.

This says your campaign flyers are due tomorrow.

Oh, really?

Flyers are super important, brick.

I did flyers when I lost for student council,

And when I lost for teen board,

And when I lost for junior high homecoming court.

I just don't think you get it.

But I can't get 'em done by tomorrow.

I need paper and a copier and...

Oh, no. Whatm I gonna do?

oh, no. Don't look at me.

If you forgot to make flyers,

Then I guess you'll just be the candidate without flyers.

You know the deal, pal! You are on your own.

I am not doing it.

Ooh, personal copies on company time.

- That is like a bad girl. - Yeah.

Momy likes to keep her job, So could you watch the door?

Sure. Don't worry. I'm cool.

sometimes I sit on mr. Ehlert's desk

With no pants on.

Yep, every day, a little victory.

No funnel cake, no rides... oh, this fair sucks!

Let's just get our jobs and get out of here.

Axl, this is what you gotta do to get a job.

Now watch and learn.

Welcome to cfb consulting.

I'm charles f. Barnes, a.K.A. "cfb."

Hi. Mike heck.

Well, mike, let's see that resume.

First of all, I'd say you have a major font problem.

What?

Oh, it's a little dry. Now I can give your resume

A complete makeover for $100. Now if you want

A more comprehensive career consultation,

My weekend packages start at $500.

That's a better price than any of these other booths.

Wait.

This is a racket. There are no jobs here.

You just lure people who are out of work,

So you can sell 'em crap they can't afford.

Just trying to make a living.

Told you, dad. That's not how you get a job.

There wasn't anything else in the paper.

Paper? oh, that's hilarious.

You know how I got my last job?

My friend on facebook friended this other dude

Who I.M.'ed me saying,

"hey, you want this stupid job at barnacles?"

And I'm like... "sweet."

I can stop worrying about america now.

that's how it's done, dad. You gotta get online.

Right about then,

Mike was starting to feel a bit like a dinosaur himself.

- Axl! - What?

This company's taking job applications online.

I need your help.

You need a consult with the ax man, do ya?

Yeah. I'm never calling you that.

How do I get this onto that?

save it as a p.D.F. And upload it.

There.

That's it? Thanks.

Axl!

What?

They need a e-mail address, and I only have the one at work,

And that's down, so what's yours?

Here's your flyers.

I'm out.

Wait. You're actually doing your poster on your own?

Yep.

And... I'm done.

Walk away.

Just turn arnd and walk away.

Axl.

What?

- I got a interview. - Sweet.

You got an interview?

Yes, I did. Honey, get me my tie.

Okay, but what are we gonna yank to turn the basement light on?

Once I get this job, baby, I'm gonna get you

the best basement light bulb money can buy.

Hi. I'm mike heck.

Ah, yes. The rockin' freak show.

Please, sit down.

So tell me, mike,

What brings you to hoosier grain?

Well, you called me, told me to come in,

And, uh, here I am.

Okay. How about you tell me a little about you?

What are three words you would use

To describe yourself?