Beaver Falls

I'm dying. Barry and A-Rab don't know? No.

Love is fucked in the head.

While you're her at my camp, you're my wife!

You've obviously heard I've split up with Jake.

He actually thinks he's in with a chance!

I slept with Flynn.

So, what do you want?

A-Rab.

Don't panic, I'm not going to tell anyone.

So this is Beaver Falls.

Actually, I kind of wish I'd come up here with you before.

It's peaceful.

Leroy Jenkins!

Jeez, the state of his arse!

I thought you were going to get that thing removed.

Sod that! It hurt bad enough getting a tattoo!

Last one in has to sit next to me on the plane home.

Come on, get 'em off.

It's our last day, and I want to see some cock

from me old mates.

Whoo! Ah!

Mate, that is a beautiful penis.

Programme contains strong language from the start, adult themes and scenes of a sexual nature.

I never thought I would say this to a dude, but I wanna see your ass.

No-one's seeing my arse. Why did you tell them?

It's a valuable life lesson for them - perils of getting tattooed whilst drunk.

Enough! OK, million-dollar question

bearing in mind we're in Californ-I-A,

can A-Rab pull off his very own Hollywood ending

at the prom tonight,

or does he fuck it all up like the British one?

Yeah, whatever. Don't see anyone else here in with a sniff tonight.

What about me?

What? You?!

Oh, dear God!

And she's back.

Thought you might need a hand packing.

Us cripples got to stick together, right?

Go on, take a seat.

So, how you feeling about... going home?

Like a turkey on Christmas Eve.

Honeymoon's over, right? Back to reality.

What?

It's just, whichever way I look,

I don't see anything to look forward to.

Hmm.

Maybe you need to set yourself some goals.

Like coming back next summer.

Not exactly wheelchair-friendly, is it?

We both know there's a very good chance you won't be in a wheelchair.

No... it might be worse.

Yeah, or it might be better.

Flynn, you can't do this alone.

You can't just slap the grin on, pretend like you're OK.

You have to tell Barry and A-Rab.

You're keen today.

I can't believe this is our last lesson and you're still this bad.

Thanks. I owe it all to you.

Barry...

No, hold on, just... just hear me out.

Look, I get that there are a million reasons

why nothing's ever gonna happen.

So, for once, I'm not asking for that.

I'm just saying, it would be an honour

to go to the prom with you.

And I'd be a gent, I wouldn't look down your top

or sniff your hair or anything.

But I promise you'd have a laugh.

I know that you're still down about Jake,

so if I can just cheer you up, that'd be enough for me.

I'm sorry.

It's still no.

You'd really rather go on your own than go with me?

I just don't want to.

OK.

I thought it was worth one last...

Seemed like a good idea an hour ago.

Agh!

Nice titties.

So you want back in? Mm-hm.

You've gotta lose the lard, right?

Mmm.

And do your initiation again.

You got the balls for that?

Course I got the balls.

Me and the boys want to give Jake a little leaving present.

Show Barry up for the loser he is.

What kind of present?

Later, bitch tits.

You're back. Goody!

What do you want, Lily?

I have a problem.

Just the one?

More of a moral dilemma, actually.

I know this girl who's stringing this guy along.

Nice guy. Bit dopey, but still, he's totally into her.

And here's the killer...

she slept with his best friend.

What a bitch, huh? And the real doozy is,

she makes a living spouting cosy homespun wisdom,

telling other people how to live their lives.

Lily, I'm not in the mood for games, OK?

Neither am I.

I just wanna know, what's the moral thing to do?

Do I let the lie stand,

let the poor patsy keep wasting his time?

Or do I take the tough-love route, and just tell him?

You wouldn't dare.

Maybe I wouldn't.

Maybe I would.

All right?

You got a light, mate?

Do you ever just think,

"What the fuck am I doing with my life?"

All the time.

I'm such a dick.

Of course she said no. Of course!

I watch too many films, that's what fucks me.

All that hope.

It's time to grow up a bit.

I'm going to go home, get a haircut...

Hey, Barry, you don't need to change a thing, all right?

You're a fucking legend.

I'm serious, look at me.

Whatever happens, don't stop being you, all right?

Just... Barry on!

Barry on regardless.

Are you trying to get off with me?

Just... trust me.

OK. But I do need to talk to you.

"Wyominge or bust?"

Bloody hell, Barry.

That E, it wasn't there 20 minutes ago. I promise.

Look, I did some thinking while you were in hospital,

and I really don't want to say goodbye tomorrow.

I-I don't want that to be it.

So?

Let me drive you home.

I'll change my plane ticket, and we'll have a road trip.

You know, an adventure.

Have I totally misjudged this?

No. I would love to hang out with you more.

Uh... is there someone in your trunk?

Can somebody release me?

Help!

Help! Come on!

Oh, A-Rab, thank God. I thought I was done for.

Oh, yes! Very funny, very mature, Jizz!

Oh, it was hilarious!

Have you been listening in the whole time?

Yeah, and, dude, you suck at this Casanova shit.

All right, enough, enough.

Just a yes or no, please. Just to shut them up.

Oh, dear God...

Fuckin' hell! Who's done this?

I can't wear these, I'll get arrested.

Oh, what?! They've all been done. Some fucker's broken in...

Jake, I bet it was fuckin' Jake.

Eugh, he wants to see your wienus.

I'm sure someone can lend you some jeans.

Let me.

Looking good... B-Dog.

I saw you with the jocks earlier.

Tell me, if you had to put Barry in a clique, where would you put him?

I dunno. I... Nerds, I guess.

Yeah, nerds. That sounds about right.

Flynn, would he be in there?

We seem to do all right, though, don't we?

See, it doesn't matter who your mates are,

so long as they've always got your back, yeah?

Anyway... looking good.

Hey, Thurston.

Take a picture, yeah? The three of us.

Oi!

That... That's Barry's.

Not any more.

Come on. Limo's here. Move it, ladies.

What am I going to wear?

There's plenty of old costumes down the prop store.

Might find a tux in there.

Yeah, Smallie, go tell the limo driver we're gonna stop on the way.

Do we really need a limo?

Yes, we're making a statement. This is how the Chunk Bunk rolls.

All right, boys.

Hey, Barry on, yeah?

And, you, try not to fuck it up with Rachael, eh?

Are you not coming in the limo?

I've got some packing to finish.

A metaphor, one suspects.

Dude, seriously?

Well, they didn't have a tux and then I saw this and I was, like,

"Hell, yeah, we have liftoff."

But the jocks are gonna...

Fuck the jocks. Who cares? I like it.

Anyway, what's this thing you lot are planning?

Is it a knife-throwing act?

You'll have to wait and see.

Eh, a dirty protest?

All we'll say is, it's gonna be off the hook.

Flynn done us proud.