Chasing Two Hares (За двома зайцями)

Dovzhenko Film Studios (Kyiv) presents

CHASING TWO HARES based on a play by Mykhailo Staritsky

Written and directed by Victor Ivanov Director of photography Vadym Ilienko

Starring: O.Borisov as 'Svirid' M.Krinitsina as 'Pronia Prokopivna' N.Yakovchenko as 'Father'

A.Kushnirenko as 'Mother' N.Koperzhinka as 'Sekleta' N.Naum as 'Galia'

A.Yurchenko as 'Stepan' K.Yershov as 'Bottlehead'

T.Litvinenko as 'Khimka' O.Vikland as 'M-le Ninon'

This trifle of a story happened not very long ago -

at the beginning of 20 century, on Tanner Street of Kyiv.

So let us make a trip to the past.

Let the elder recall what they might, and let the young get it right.

The road to Tanners' goes through a market

Exactly where the hero of our story,

Svirid Petrovich Golokhvosty, is heading together with his friends.

"High above my head a bird is singing"

"Flying to and fro, as does its kind"

"There's no reason why we shouldn't go drinking"

"Having fun is all we have in mind"

"Our lovely misses taste like candies"

"Our whole life like marmelade"

"Play me, my guitar, some merry fancies"

"Fitting for our little street parade"

"Mommy is a golden-hearted woman"

"Daddy is a merchant, quite well-off"

"Their only son is posh like no one"

"Having everything I can dream of"

"Night shelter"

"Swiss tobaccoes" "McCormick American company" "Dutch cheese"

"English concession" "French corsets"

"Horse-collars. Mr. Bitch and Son, Kyiv"

Here are other characters of the story:

Sekleta Lemerikha, an apple-seller and not a least character in the plot.

Her helper, her daughter Galia.

And this is Stepan.

Here's Martha, a friend of Sekleta's, an unsurpassed master of bagels.

The godmother of Galia's, Ustia, a faithful servant to folk medicine.

Nun Mironia is also a friend of Sekleta's.

And here's Mr. and Mrs. Serkov

They are Sekleta's kin and parents of our female hero.

Their daughter, Pronia, is now at finishing school.

Before going there, we'll meet our hero once again.

He's in the middle of his business day.

And this stout officer's going to lead us right into the school.

[the soldiers sing a classic Russian marching song]

"School of noble manners. M-me Ninon from Bordeaux."

Here's our Pronia at last.

One, two, three, four. This is the way to greet your Pa.

This is how you bow to bosses who are high above your husband.

A husband you're yet to get.

If a man is under you, greet him like this.

And feel free with your chambermaid, to make her afraid of you.

Phimka, here! Phimka, there!

Phimka, shut up! Phimka, get out!

Bubbleheads! One, two, three!

Now you go delicately

to your dance partner.

Curtsy.

Curtsy.

Curtsy.

- Oaf! - You are!

- This is our daughter's voice. - Voice?

- Frog-pecker! - And you're a frog!

- Viper! - Pest!

Bitch, bitch!

Here you are!

- What's going on? - Pick it up!

Quick! Oaf!

- Drive, let's go! - Frog-pecker!

Have it!

- What, finished? - Finished!

How come? I've paid for one year, you should've sat the money out!

Not enough for ya that our baby's been tortured by studies for three months?

- Be silent. - Shut up, please!

The Serkovs are taking their precious Pronia from the school.

And this Pronia goes with 10,000 of Serkov's roubles. Wow!

- Center of gravity of a shape of a body... - Whose body?

Center of gravity of a shape of a body...

A shape of a body...

You will need this no longer, anyway.

Funny, sir!

Listen here, Golokhvosty.

Golokhvastov, that's my name.

- The passport says Golokhvosty. - Pardonnez, the passport mistakes.

Silence and attention! For your debts, for your unpaid bills

your shop goes sealed up, and your property goes distrained.

You're rogue! You come not this bill to pay!

You come 'give again'! Give money!

- U-uh, Schweinerei! - What, please?

Rascal! Robber, thief, bankrupt! Will I get you to jail!

- No, will I kill you! - Don't kill me, listen here!

Mr. Serkov gives 20,000 of dowry with his Pronia.

- Ten. - So I wanna marry her ladyship.

- Will she want to? - She will.

Will she like you?

Can anyone not like me? Look here!

Having the honour to introduce meself, Svirid Petrovich Golokhvastov, bodily.

Mademoiselle, bon jour!

Pardonnez moi! Don't you tear my heart like oakum or what!

My bosom is a walloping Vesuvius!

Decide on my unfortunate destiny! I beg your hand on my knees!

But this enterprise cannot work without money, to change the models. Dressing a new style.

Taking the damsel somewhere, and candies, and a cab, that's a must!

- Serkov's money are as good as ours... As yours! - Klugler!

- Eh? - Clever boy!

Write a promissory note. One hundred percent.

- Hello, Svirid Petrovich. - Bon jour.

- Hello! - My greetings.

Oh, what a suit you have here!

- Made of a foreign fabric. - Must be expensive!

One hundred. No skimping. Dress best to be met best.

- Right, best bib and tucker. - That's right!

Take the trousers. Must stand firm as a chimney.

Let'em stand a wrong way, and what? You lose your physiognomy at once.

Now the waistcoat. Gotta be careful about it, too.

A wrong color, and you're down. No affinity.

- No af... what? - A bad parade of complexion.

Your ja-ket is your main model.

No model, no man.

- And the buttons! - The buttons are German.

- And the fabric! - The fabric is Scottish.

Great Scott-ish, eh?

Why am I talking to you? Ignorance!

My best regards to a wondrous beauty here.

Having the honour to introduce meself: Svirid Petrovich Golokhvastov, bodily.

I am so pleased to date you up. I believe in love at first sight.

So good a girl is not for so vain a peacock!

Keep your hands off the girl, stranger, lest our Stepan put you in danger!

Rustics uneducated!

- We'll see about YOUR education. - Bottlehead, handle them.

"Film theatre VAMPIRE"

Bon jour, mademoiselle!

My heart got hot just like my crimper, while I was catching you up.

Merci, monsieur.

- These are my best friends. - They don't seem to be Tom, Dick and Harry.

Having the honour to introduce meself: Svirid Petrovich Golokhvastov, bodily.

- Usti-ya. - Nasti-ya. [rustic names presented with a pretence to noble style]

I seem to have met you somewhere.

No wonder, all Kyiv knows me all right.

And I have seen you, too!

I like to have a walk or two with educated people.

'Cause the feet, mind you, are given to one to beat the ground with.

That's the reason why they do not grow... from one's head.

Please attend the theater with me.

"Life of Kyiv"

"Metropolitan's visit"

"Governor's birthday"

"Stout firemen"

"Fire station"

"River flood in Low Town"

"TREACHEROUS MATILDA. A drama in 2 parts."

I am dying watching romances like this.

About love that boils like tar!

Miss Pronia, isn't it better to have a romance than watch one?

Dare I ask you what idea do you get about me, if any?

- I am asking you! - Why would you need to know that?

"Another victim..."

Again I ask you, Pronia Prokopovna, what is that idea you hold about me?

Need you ask me such things?

Makes me so confused.

- Mind you, maid I am. - So you're a maid, and what?

That's nothing, that's a mere trifle.

- I don't get any ideas at all. - Don't worry, I get all the ideas.

Don't you know what a shame it is for an innocent young lady?

But it can be no otherwise.

You have to, all the same.

- Don't speak of love, it's a shkandalle! - Miss Pronia...

No, I have to speak of love. 'Cause I am... like... in love with you!

- So what d'you say? - Merci for that.

Just here, at night, under the moon...

Don't say, don't say!

It scares me so much to hear that.

- My heart is jumping. - Let it be.

Jumpin' is good. My lil' dolly-bird!

Oh no!

First you have to propose me. Come to our place.

- Afraid of your old folks at home. - What ho! My old folks!

They'll do as I say.

"Mommy is a golden-hearted woman"

"Daddy is a merchant, quite well-off"

"Their only son is posh like no one"

"Having everything I can dream of"

So, friends.

That's when our real life begins! That's where I have that Pronka!

Let me just jog that old Serkov, and see easy money

jingle all round! A beautiful life!

My razors and my clippers will wing their way right into the river!

- Colossal! - World class!

- Sviry, how filthy that Pronka is! - A toad indeed!

I'll get me some good soap, to wash my lips after her!

And I'll have such a sweet candy aside, one look - and you're in love!

- Hush, my dolly, I won't eat you up! - Let me go.

Or I'll shout for a constable!

Shout! One complain of mine, and you'll be in the watchhouse!

- What?! Why? - Because, my chick-chuck,

when I saw you first time up there, I just...

...just been dying since then. Right in love! You don't believe?

- Let me go! - Then kill me right here!

- Come on, shoot through my chest! - Let others shoot if they like.

- I don't need those others. - Let me go, or I shout, by God!

I don't need those others.