The League

Nice force.

Nice arm bar, AJ, yes.

Kevin.

Good aggression.

Looking really good.

Thank you.

Nice.

Are you sure we're not supposed to wear a cup?

Somebody just bumped my twig.

I'm sure your twig is going to be just fine.

Okay.

Are you sure you're not an athlete?

Well, I used to do Zumba at the Y, but... this is a little different.

Looking really good.

Thank you.

All right, guys.

Everybody partner up.

Oh, Kev, you're with me.

Yeah, over here.

Okay.

In Krav Maga, we want to be able to defend ourselves from

any situation, any angle.

Your assailant can come at you with a big bear hug, so... come

on, bear hug, right?

Okay.

Yeah, grab me, right?

So we've been through some of the frontal attacks, but today,

I really want to focus on coming from behind.

Put your hands on my chest.

On my... on my chest.

Okay.

Chest, right?

You're going to grab the assailant's right thumb out to

the side, step, elbow... and spin around.

Assailant is down-- mount and finish him off!

Dismount, one more time-- mount and finish him off!

Got that?

You okay, Kevin?

You good?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She took my hand and moved it down to her breast.

And the problem is what?

I just feel like I'm crossing a line.

She was hitting on me, essentially.

And then she blew you?

There's no blow jobs.

Yeah, it's Krav Maga.

Taken classes before.

You do all that stuff, and then they blow you in the bathroom.

No, no, there's no blow jobs.

No, you're not doing Krav Maga.

Okay, here's what I'm going to do.

I'm just going to tell Jenny.

That way, we can clear the air and she doesn't have to...

No, no, no, no.

Why?

You don't tell Jenny.

Why?

Because you've done nothing wrong.

You're not cheating on her.

This is all incidental contact, okay?

I'm within five yards, so it's kind of... That's bump and run.

That's bump and run.

Enjoy the sport.

It's sex with someone else.

It has nothing to do with Jenny.

Thank you!

You want to start a prank war with me?

Oh, you got my gifts?

They're not gifts when you subscribe someone to 40 obscure

magazines and bill them later.

Young Miss, uh, Surgery Today, Bass Chasers... Ooh.

Polish Food Monthly?

There's a lot to be learned about pierogis.

How about Miniature Donkey Talk?

How do you feel about that one?

I feel like regular donkey talk is too broad of a topic.

There's one in here I can't even bring myself to touch yet.

It's called Him.

Oh, I love Him.

Did a great article on cravats.

Yeah, I filled it out at Andre's loft.

You may have won the battle on this one, but I will destroy you.

Who's got the bass fishing one?

I do-- Bass Chasers.

Let me see it.

Oh, there's an article... I like the fish one.

Oh, Goddamn it, Taco.

This is ruined.

Who cares?

It's just a tie.

Well, I have to wear them every day, so... and they're

expensive, I have a limited amount.

You know what would make it easier?

If there were a service like Netflix, but for neckties.

You know, you don't have to buy a bunch of ties-- you just get

two in the mail every week, return them once you wear them,

get two new ones.

Neckflix-- Netflix, but for neckties.

Or you can skip the ties entirely and just go with the T-necks.

Oh, you mean like a foreskin for your neck.

It's not foreskin.

Taco, that might be legitimately the best idea

you've ever come up with.

Seriously.

What about the live rocking horse?

$30 of wood, a hammer and some nails turns that useless horse

into a beloved children's toy.

Hello.

Hi.

Ugh.

We're from the Light of Genesis, here to deliver your

specialty Bible.

Thank you for checking the box online that said that you'd like

to learn more about our organization in person.

Yeah, very funny, Pete.

Very good payback prank.

We'd like to just talk to you a little bit about the Light

of Genesis.

This is probably that point in the conversation you're all

too familiar with, where I shut the door in your faces.

He's forsaken the path to truth just as Pettigrew's ankle

has forsaken him.

Whoa, I'm sorry, you just said something about...

Brandon Pettigrew?

Yes, woe has befallen Pettigrew's ankle, and the Lord

today will see him paying penance for it on the bench.

When did this happen?

Oh, just this morn, but Tony Scheffler will heed the call.

Well, Scheffler's light has faded since Denver.

But he will rise again in Detroit.

How did you find this out before me?

Our religion, the Light of Genesis, forbids any drugs or

alcohol or engaging in sexual intercourse with women, so our

only real peccadillo is fantasy football, and we love it.

It's our one clean vice.

Praise be. Praise be.

Praise be.

Praise "C," huh.

Hey, I'm not going to win the Shiva if I don't get a

running back.

You have very nice running backs.

I do.

Are you offering me bacon for a running back?

For a running back.

Nope.

You are on your own, and Daddy has his own problems to

worry about.

I'm going to go to work, but I wanted to see what you

were thinking about for dinner tonight.

You have Krav Maga after work.

About the Krav Maga-- I have a distinct feeling that my Krav

Maga teacher is... like... hitting on me-- like, sexually.

Really?

Yeah, she's, like, in... into me.

Sounds like she has a wicked case of the Kevins.

That's right, she does.

What if the whole class catches a case of the Kevins?

Now you're making a joke of the whole situation.

I got a lot to offer.

Which is the problem.

So you go to that class and get less fat.

Well, you're the one that gave me bacon.

That was business.

Go.

Fine.

Okay, Mrs. Crabtree.

Jenny?

Hey.

What's going on?

Oh, I made up a fake name to be discreet.

It was silly-- I know.

You want to get this little miss "A" cup into a "C" cup.

Am I right?

What? No!

Get a little Botox, maybe?

No, I'm good.

I got it.

You want to surprise Kevin with a little vaginal rejuvenation surgery.

No.

What I am about to share with you does not leave this room.

It's a secret?

Yes.

Oh, well, you can tell me anything.

Okay, just back up a little bit, all right?

Okay, uh... it's called bedside manner, okay?

Yeah, bedside, not in my bed.

Fine, I'll back up.

All right.

Okay.

I need a tattoo removed.

Jenny, come on.

That's nothing to be embarrassed about.

It's just, I have a daughter.

I'd like to raise her to be a classy lady.

Ellie?

Good luck.

What does that mean?

Nothing.