Kazaam

* SLIDE, SLIDE SLIPPITY SLIDE *

* I DO WHAT I DO JUST TO SURVIVE *

* SLIDE, SLIDE SLIPPITY SLIDE *

* WHEN YOU'RE LIVIN' IN THE CITY IT'S DO OR DIE *

* ROLL ALONG * THAT'S WHAT YOU DO

* JUST ROLL ALONG * THAT'S RIGHT *

HEY, WELCOME BACK, MAX.

THOUGHT YOU'D GET AWAY FROM US, LET GO OF ME !

DON'T TELL ME THIS IS NOTHING ABOUT LUNCH MONEY.

IT'S A MATH PROBLEM. IF WE TOOK ALL THE DOUGH...

FROM A DORK ON THE FLOOR, WOULD IT BE ENOUGH ?

TWO DOLLARS AND SEVENTY CENTS ? WE'RE GONNA BE LIVING LARGE ON THIS.

IF YOU GUYS WANT A REAL SCORE-- YEAH ?

IT'S THE WHOLESALE MART. FIFTH AND BROADWAY.

ROLEXES, GOLD CHAINS, WHO KNOWS WHAT.

THIRD AISLE, LOCKER 882, UPSTAIRS.

AND ALL YOU NEED IS... THIS.

WE'LL BE IN TOUCH. LATER... LOSER.

COME ON, MAN. COME ON, MAN. WHAT A WUSS !

ANOTHER ALIEN ABDUCTION, MAXWELL ?

THEY WANTED MY OPTIC LOBES, BUT THEY DIDN'T GET A THING.

THE KEY TO THE SUPPLY CLOSET, MAXWELL. THE KEY ?

TO THE SUPPLY CLOSET.

I LEFT IT IN THE DOOR, MRS. DUKE.

AND YOU ALSO LEFT US WITHOUT ENOUGH TIME TO HEAR YOUR LITTLE PRESENTATION.

BUT I WANT TO HEAR IT ANYWAY, RIGHT HERE AFTER SCHOOL !

I'M HOME ! DON'T TELL ME.

YOU WERE KIDNAPPED BY GYPSIES AND SOLD TO THE CIRCUS.

HEY, CAN I HELP IT IF MRS. DUKE IS REALLY A VERY ANGRY MAN TRAPPED IN A WOMAN'S BODY ?

I SEE. ANOTHER HOMEWORK MALFUNCTION.

AND, GOSH, WHAT A SURPRISE, DETENTION.

BUT, YOU KNOW, THE ONLY GOOD NEWS IS...

YOU WEREN'T HERE...

WHEN WE WERE ROBBED.

WHAT KIND OF MANIAC WOULD STEAL THE MOTOR TO OUR HOOVER ?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME HOME TODAY AND HELP ME CLEAN UP, REMEMBER ?

-IT'S JUST TRAVIS. -WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ?

YOU TOLD ME, MEN ARE LIKE BUSES. THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER ONE.

I NEVER SAID--

YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS THE ONLY DAY THAT I DON'T WORK A DOUBLE SHIFT,

AND I REALLY WANTED THE HOUSE TO LOOK NICE FOR TRAVIS.

MOM, IT'S NOT LIKE HE LIVES HERE OR ANYTHING.

YOUR FEET ? WHAT IS THIS ?

WHAT IS THIS ? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT HERE, DREADLOCKS ?

NO, WAIT, LOOK. IT'S A TINY, LIVING CREATURE.

WHO PUT A SQUIRREL IN YOUR SHORTS ? MAX...

- TRY AND LOOK LIKE THIS GUY. - I HATE THAT PICTURE.

MAX, WE HAVE TO TALK.

HEY, GUYS. HEY. WE'RE IN HERE.

LOOKING GOOD, MAX.

YOU'RE NOT LOOKING SO BAD EITHER.

MAX, YOU EVER HEAR OF A GUY NAMED BUSTER KEATON ?

ISN'T HE SOME DEAD BLACK-AND-WHITE GUY ? APPARENTLY.

BUT HE'S A VERY FUNNY DEAD GUY. YOU TELL HIM ? TELL ME WHAT ?

HELLO ?

MAX, UM...

TRAVIS AND I... WANT TO GET ENGAGED.

I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST COMING OVER FOR RIBS.

WE WANTED TO WAIT 'TIL ALL OF THE PAPERS WERE SIGNED.

"PAPERS" ? THE DIVORCE PAPERS.

THERE WERE SOME THINGS LEFT UNSIGNED BY YOUR FATHER.

MY FATHER ? BUT I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHERE HE WAS.

I DIDN'T. LISTEN, MAX,

WHAT MATTERS NOW IS YOU AND YOUR MOM CAN MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES.

- THAT'S WHY WE WANT TO GET ENGAGED. - WAIT, WHAT ABOUT ME ?

WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME ? MAX--

WHAT ABOUT ME ?

MAX.

WELL... NOW HE KNOWS.

HEY, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU !

GET HIM ! COME ON, MAN ! COME ON !

COME ON ! GET OVER HERE, MAN !

- YEAH, GO GET HIM ! - WATCH IT !

HEY, COME HERE, YOU LITTLE CON ARTIST !

THERE ARE NO GOLD WATCHES, NO GOLD NECKLACES !

WE'LL GET YA ! WE GOT HIM NOW !

UNDERSTAND... YOU'RE MESSING WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER.

DON'T TELL ME. THEY COULDN'T FIT THE KEY IN THE LOCK ?

THERE WERE NO LOCKERS. AND YOUR MAP WAS CRAP.

SO THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE THIS THING'S GONNA FIT.

AND IT AIN'T MRS. DUKE'S SUPPLY CLOSET.

COME ON !

WHERE YOU GOING ?

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING IN THERE ?

GET OUTTA THERE !

WHERE'D HE GO ?

GO ! I'M GOING AROUND !

GO AROUND ! LET'S GO !

LET'S GET HIM, BOYS !

NO !

- I'M DEAD. I'M DEAD. - **

**

COME ON. WE GOT HIM NOW.

** HOW DO I SHUT THIS THING OFF ?

**

HI. YOU LITTLE TURD !

YOU THINK YOU GOT SKILLS ?

CAN WE JUST PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED ?

**

**

WHO... DARE TO WAKE ME ?

AIN'T GONNA MAKE THIS A MYSTERY.

DON'T WANNA DO TIME ON YOUR WISHES THREE.

WATCH IT, BOY ! YOU DON'T WANT TO DIS ME !

OR I'LL DISH OUT MY MISERY.

NOW, WHO'S THAT SORRY WANNA-BE THAT DISTURBED MY Z's ?

LET'S GET OUTTA HERE ! GO ON ! GO, GO !

GET OUT OF MY WAY !

IF YOU WANT TO BE NUMBER ONE, I'M SORRY, BOY, THAT'S BEEN DONE !

BUT IF YOU GOT THE ITCHES FOR A SACK OF RICHES,

DON'T MATTER HOW AVARICIOUS,

I'M THE MAN THAT COULD GRANT YOUR WISHES !

HEY, DON'T TURN YOUR BUTT ON ME !

I'M THE MAN OF THE AGES, STRAIGHT OUT OF THE PAGES !

HANG ON ! I'M CONTAGIOUS, OUTRAGEOUS, SPONTANEOUS !

YOU CAN'T CONTAIN THIS !

I AM KAZAAM !

I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING ?

MAKE YOUR THREE WISHES, AND I'M OUT OF YOUR FACE, BACK IN MY BOX AND OUT OF THIS PLACE.

LISTEN, MR. PSYCHOPATHIC DORK IN THE BASEMENT,

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE ORDERING ANYBODY !

DO YOU REALIZE WHO I AM ? I'M YOUR GENIE !

IN THAT CASE, I WISH I WAS AS BIG AS YOU, BUT NOT SO STUPID.

THAT'S NOT A WISH ! THAT'S AN INSULT !

BESIDES, I DON'T DO THOSE KIND OF WISHES. I DO MATERIAL WISHES.

SEE ? THINGS. STUFF. YOU GOTTA WANT SOMETHING, KID.

LISTEN, YOU WANT TO PULL THE WOOL OVER SOMEONE'S EYES ? GO GET A SHEEP, OKAY ?

LISTEN, IT'S ONLY 'CAUSE THIS WORLD REALLY, REALLY GIVES ME TENSION...

THAT I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING I DON'T ORDINARILY DO.

I'M GOING TO BEG.

NOW, MAKE A WISH. PLEASE ? OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY. GIVE ME A CAR.

BLACK JAGUAR-XKE.

YES ! YES, YES !

JAGUAR ? BLACK ? XKE.

JAGUAR, BLACK. BETTER STAND BACK.

I AM KAZAAM !

JAGUAR, BLACK, RIGHT ? YEAH.

OKAY. KAZAAM !

OKAY, WELL, YOU JUST STAY HERE. I'M GONNA GO NOW.

HEY, KAZOO ?

HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.

- KAZOO ? - KAZOO.

SAY NIGHTY-NIGHT. KAZOO. KAZOO.

- COME ON, YOU GOTTA EAT. - NO, I'M NOT--

PLEASE. LOOK, IT'S DELICIOUS. NO, I'M REALLY-- TRAVIS, NO.

IT'S VERY EASY. COME ON.

PLEASE. JUST HOLD THEM BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS LIKE THIS.

TRAVIS, I KNOW-- SQUEEZE A LITTLE.

HE'S IN THE HOUSE. MAX, HONEY, IS THAT YOU ? MAX ?

HEY, HEY-- HONEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE ?

- I'M OKAY, ALL RIGHT ? - WHO DID THIS TO YOU ?

MAX, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR-- JUST LEAVE ME ALONE !

MAX.

I'LL HANDLE IT. NO, I REALLY THINK I SHOULD.

PLEASE.

MAX ?

MAX, CAN I COME IN ?

WOW. THAT'S REALLY GREAT. YOU FINISHED IT.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT BUILDING A NEUTRON BOMB OVER HERE, ARE YOU ?

THAT COULD BE A LITTLE DANGEROUS. DON'T TOUCH THAT.

YOU OKAY ?

YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED ?

YOU DON'T LIKE ME VERY MUCH, DO YOU ?

LISTEN, MAX, I DON'T INTEND TO TAKE THE PLACE OF YOUR FATHER.

IT'S JUST THAT I LOVE YOUR MOM, AND I WANT TO MARRY HER.

I'D LIKE US TO BE FRIENDS.

ANYTIME YOU WANT TO TALK... I'LL BE HERE.

**

**

**

MOM ?

"TUNA. HOME AT 3:00." SURE.

"NICHOLAS MATTEO."

* I'LL MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE *

* WHAT YOU WANT I WILL DO *

* I'LL MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE *

* GONNA MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE *

* I'LL MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE * * HEY

* BABY, JUST ME AND YOU I'LL MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE *

WHAT THE-- * I'LL MAKE YOUR DREAMS

* COME TRUE *

WHAT THE--

DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD ONE OF THESE ? HOW DID YOU--

WHAT-- ARE YOU LIKE REALLY LONELY OR SOMETHING ?

HEY. HEY, HOLD YOUR CAMELS.

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS GENIE STUFF FOR ABOUT 5,000 YEARS.

IT'S NOT ALL IT'S CRACKED UP TO BE. I'M SURE.

BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. WHY DON'T WE START OFF WITH SOMETHING SMALL...

AND WORK OUR WAY UP TO SOMETHING BIG ?

BUT LET'S JUST GET IT DONE.

ALL RIGHT ? WHY DO I GET THE FEELING YOU'LL NEVER GO AWAY ?

WOW. YOU LIVE HERE ?

YEAH, I BUILT IT MYSELF TOO.

HEY, KID ! WE'RE CLOSED !

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ? CAN'T YOU READ THE SIGN ? BEAT IT !

BEAT IT !

YOU WANT ME TO TURN HIM INTO A DOG OR A CAT OR SOMETHING ?

YOUR WISHES ARE JUST SO SPECTACULAR,

I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD BEAR ANOTHER ONE RIGHT NOW. BACK THERE ?