Top Gear

Hello, I'm John Bishop, and this is a caravan.

Welcome to Top Gear: From A To Z.

Once upon a time, Top Gear was a bit...dull?

Doors very wide, 70% of the passenger compartment...

Then, in 2002...

..all that changed.

A new team rolled onto the set, doing 120,

and Top Gear became something else entirely.

Whoa-oh-oh!

120.

Into fourth.

A car show that refused to be a car show.

I can just see sky, sea, sky, sea!

A BBC success story that never felt...well, very BBC.

If anybody has an objection to what we're doing here, do, please,

feel free to keep that objection to yourself.

This is the definitive guide to that Clarkson, Hammond and May era,

an era defined by moments of soaring ambition,

ludicrous risks...

I am now terrified.

Ugh.

..and utter, utter silliness.

James and Richard think it's all over. And they're right!

13 years that pushed the boundaries to the limits

and quite a long way beyond.

Car shows would never be boring again.

We are away!

Over the next 26 letters, we're going to look at what it was

that made Top Gear so extraordinary.

Let's start with a little reminder because A is for...

I am an alien!

I am a driving doll!

HE LAUGHS

What is Top Gear? What IS Top Gear?

Top Gear - entertainment show.

A bizarre telly phenomena.

Oh, God!

You can't describe Top Gear in three words.

Big. Bad. Bawling.

I wasn't expecting that.

Schoolboy stupid?

This is bloody brilliant!

Infuriating.

- We welcome homosexual couples. - Yeah. - We do.

- We particularly like the lesbian sort. - Oh, God!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Shocking!

SNIPER FIRE

Pure entertainment.

Controversial.

Guess what, you're in a hick town, man.

We're going to die now.

Experimental.

A fun, wild ride.

BLEEP!

Informative?

There is still room in the boot

for a zebra's head.

Informed a bit. Educated ever so slightly.

But really entertained.

I am king of the forest.

HE LAUGHS

This is fast.

Why don't all cars have no doors?

The thing about the world's most popular car show

is that it wasn't really about cars at all.

It was about three mates having a laugh, and enjoying the time

of their lives, mucking about on a grand scale and getting away with it.

The team had a very simple mantra -

it had to be big, it had to be stupid,

it had to be almost impossible.

Ambitious but rubbish.

Right, chaps, we've got to get that...

to jump further than him

in the Top Gear Winter Olympics Ski Slash Car Jumping Champio.

LAUGHTER

The wall's going to be needed!

HUGE LAUGHTER

We were a bit short.

I think we probably lie to ourselves and say it's about the cars,

but, really, it's just about three fun people cocking around.

HAMMOND SCREAMS

- Yes! - We're still here!

It worked! It worked! It worked!

- We went down a weir! - And we're alive! - What a machine!

It's the things that kids would love to do,

but they know that it's far too dangerous to even think about it.

And it's things that adults think it's just so crazy that...

I'd love to watch somebody try and do it.

Do you want to just shoot from in here?

Would that be more comfortable?

GUNFIRE

They've just got the job we all dream for

when everyone else is, you know, stuck doing a 9-5 job,

they've just been given a budget to just go and mess around.

What you're witnessing here, viewers,

is the maiden voyage of the world's first caravan airship.

Everybody wins. Driving is more fun, caravanning is more exciting.

I think, you know, the best British stuff

includes a very healthy

sense of, um... being able to laugh at yourself.

Being able to accept...

..er, failure.

It's going down.

No!

SCRAPING

Mayday!

Oh, bloody hell, stop!

Stop! Stop!

So, in order for those real high peak moments,

we have to spend a lot of time...

in the terrible troughs.

And, so, I think this is a show that kind of celebrates those troughs.

In 2007, they almost overreached themselves.

The task was simple.

Take three celebrities to the Brit Awards

in chauffeur-driven limousines.

But what do you do if all the limos in town are booked? Simple.

You make your own and you stretch them to breaking point.

Oh, my God.

Hello.

- Mr Lemar? - Yes. - My name's May, I'm your chauffeur for the day. - OK.

The question I get asked mostly, wherever I go,

more than songs, more than music, more than anything,

is was it true what happened to me on Top Gear?

Um, this is your car.

- Oh, my God! - SHE LAUGHS

This is your luxury limousine transportation.

It's not what I had in mind.

I saw the limo, and I thought...

is this...is this what it is?

I thought, OK, prepare yourself, you know, for what is about to happen.

- HORN BLARES - Oh.

Why's it doing that?

HORN BLARING CONTINUES

- This is the intercom. - Yes. - You press that button

if you want to talk to me. If it starts to rain,

don't press it, because you'll get electrocuted.

- Are you comfortable? - No.

BLARING CONTINUES

'I just remember so many people'

with cameras, like, "Ah, what's going on here with this fancy...?"

I'm not sure if you can call it a car.

It was a cut and shut, really. It was two cars welded together.

Theme From Taxi by Bob James

The reason this car will go around these very small corners is

because you can steer it from both ends, but I'm afraid

I'll have to ask you to sit in the Alfa Romeo and steer.

I just thought what...has gone on?

- Turn left. - Right. Left?

Yes, your left.

- My left? - Yep.

HE GROANS

That's it. That's perfect, you see? Straight around a very tight bend.

You see, now, a normal limousine

wouldn't go around like that, would it?

Sorry about the fan thing, trying to chat you up there.

- That was a bit awkward for you, I'm sure, but... - I can't hear you.

- Ooh! - CRUNCHING AND THUDDING

- You're crushing it. - There's nothing wrong with it. Shush.

METAL GRINDS

We need to straighten up a bit, so we're crabbing.

Well, I can't, because the old wheel thing is a bit...

I did think, wow, you know,

I don't know how I got into this scenario, or why,

but here I am and let's just get to the end and then go to the Brits.

There is a small issue with the congestion charge because,

as I'm sure you know, the camera records the rear view of the car.

- Yeah. - But when they look at the photographs,

it will give the registration end of the Saab,

but the photograph will show the front of an Alfa.

So, it will look as though somebody with the wrong sort of car

for the numberplate has reversed into London.

HORNS BLARE

- I can't make this turn, Chris, at all. - Look where you're going!

SHE SCREAMS

- Oh, my God! Richard, you're the worst driver! Ha-ha! - Sorry!

Whoa.

I'm going to be an hour late or something like that.

First time I'm nominated, Best Male in the UK. The Best Male. Come on!

- Where are you going? - HORN BEEPS

Surely, sir, in the music business, it's fashionable to be quite late.

Nobody ever turns up on time.

There's fashionably late, and there's stupidly late.

BRAKES SQUEAK

Ah, now I'm going to let my customer out.

No, on the other side! On the other side!

PHOTOGRAPHERS SHOUT

Sorry about the ladder thing. The steps weren't ideal.

I'm always asked, you know, "Oh, was it true what happened at the end?

"Why did you storm out of the car?"

I think, if we go right, I can go around the back.

What do you mean right?

People tweet me on Twitter.

- If we go right... - Are you doing this intentionally?

"Can't believe you're such a jerk!"

Have you come to mess up my day?!

Come on, where's my Bafta?

I'm not taking this any more! Open this damn door!

- For crying out loud. - BANGING ON DOOR