Doctor Who

# Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer? #

Turn that down!

Turn it off! Steve-o, turn it off.

Joe, shut up!

Rose!

Mickey! Jackie, it's the TARDIS!

I know, I heard it! She's alive, Mickey! I said so, didn't I? She's alive! Shut up a minute.

Where is it, then?

Here we are, then. London, Earth, the Solar System. I did it!

Jackie! Mickey!

Blimey! No, no, no, hold on.

Wait there. What was I gonna say?

There was something I had to tell you, something important. What was it? Hold on, hold on.

Hold on. Shh.

Oh! I know!

Merry Christmas!

What happened? Is he all right? I dunno, he just keeled over. But where's the Doctor? That's him.

Right in front of you. That's the Doctor.

What d'you mean, "That's the Doctor"? Doctor who?

Here we go.

Tina the Cleaner's got this lodger, medical student, and she was fast asleep, so I just took it.

I still say we should take him to a hospital. They'd lock him up. They'd dissect him.

One bottle of his blood could change the future of the human race. Now shush!

Both working. What d'you mean, "both"?

He's got two hearts. Oh, don't be stupid. He has.

Anything else he's got two of? Leave him alone!

How can he go changing his face?

Is that a different face or is he a different person?

How should I know?

Sorry.

The thing is... I thought I knew him, Mum.

I thought me and him were...

Then he goes and does this.

I keep forgetting he's not human.

The big question is, where did you get a pair of men's pyjamas from?!

Howard's been staying over. What? Howard from the market? How long's that been going on?

A month or so. First, he starts delivering to the door. I thought, "That's odd."

Next thing you know, there's a bag of oranges... Is that Harriet Jones? Never mind me!

Why's she on telly? She's Prime Minister now! I'm 18 quid a week better off.

They're calling it Britain's golden age. I keep on saying, "My Rose has met her."

Did more than that. Stopped World War Three with her.

Harriet Jones.

What about those calling the Guinevere One Space Probe a waste of money? I completely disagree.

The Guinevere One Space Probe represents this country's limitless ambition.

British workmanship, sailing up there among the stars.

This is the spirit of Christmas, birth, and rejoicing, and the dawn of a new age.

That is what we're achieving, 50 million miles away.

Our very own miracle!

The unmanned probe Guinevere One is about to make its final descent.

Photographs of the Martian landscape should be received by midnight tonight.

What d'you need, 20 quid?

D'you mind? I'll pay you back. Call it a Christmas present.

God, I'm all out of synch.

You just forget about Christmas and things in the TARDIS.

They don't exist. You get sort of...timeless.

That's fascinating(!) I love hearing stories about the TARDIS(!)

Go on, tell us another, I could listen to it all day(!)

TARDIS this, TARDIS that... Shut up!

Ooh, and one time, the TARDIS landed in a big yellow garden, full of balloons!

I'm not like that! You so are!

Must drive you mad. Surprised you don't give up on me.

That's the thing, isn't it? You can rely on me. I don't go changing my face. Yeah.

What if he's dying? OK... Sorry!

Just let it be Christmas. Can you do that?

Just for a bit? You, me and Christmas.

No Doctor,

no bog-monsters, no life or death.

OK.

Promise? Yes!

Right. What are you gonna get for your mum?

I'm round there all the time now. She does my dinner on a Sunday.

She talks about you all afternoon. Yap, yap, yap, yap...

A nice pen in a box.

"God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen"

It's us! They're after us.

What's going on? What have we done? Why are they after us?!

Taxi!

They're after the Doctor.

I can't even go shopping with you! We get attacked by a brass band! Who are you phoning? My mum.

She turns up, no warning, I've got nothing in.

I said, "Rose, if you want a Christmas dinner of meat paste, then so be it..."

Get off the phone!

Who were those Santa things?

I dunno, but think about it. They were after us. What's important about us?

Nothing, except we've got the Doctor!

No, don't come round.

The flat's all topsy-turvy.

She just barges in and litters the place.

Yeah, I'll come and see you Boxing Day.

So save us a chipolata...

Get off the phone! It's only Bev. She says hello.

Bev? Look, it'll have to wait.

It's not safe. We've gotta get out. Where can we go?

My mate Stan will put us up. That's only two streets away. Where's Mo now?

I dunno, the Peak District. We'll go to Cousin Mo's, then.

It's Christmas Eve, we're not going anywhere!

What are you babbling about? Mum.

Where did you get that tree? That's a new tree.

Where did you get it? I thought it was you.

How can it be me? You went shopping.

There was a ring at the door, and there it was. That wasn't me.

Then who was it?

You're kidding me.

Go, go! Get out!

We've gotta save the Doctor. What are you doing? We can't leave him.

Mickey!

Leave it. Get out, get out! Mickey!

Get out of there!

No, leave him, just leave him. Get in here!

Doctor, wake up!

I'm gonna get killed by a Christmas tree!

Help me.

Remote control.

But who's controlling it?

That's them. What are they?

They've just gone!

What kind of rubbish were they?

They're not much cop if a sonic screwdriver scares them off.

Pilot fish. What?

They were just pilot fish.

Aaargh!

What's wrong?

You woke me up too soon.

I'm still regenerating. I'm bursting with energy.

You see? The pilot fish could smell it, a million miles away,

so they eliminate the defence - you lot - then carry me off.

They could run their batteries off me for a couple of years...

My head! I'm having a neuron implosion. I need...

What d'you need? Tell me. I need... Painkillers? D'you need aspirin?

I need... Codeine? Paracetamol? Pepto-Bismol?

Liquid paraffin? Vitamin C? Vitamin D? Vitamin E?

Is it food? Something simple? A bowl of soup? A nice bowl of soup.

Soup and a sandwich? Soup and a little ham sandwich? I need you to shut up.

He hasn't changed that much, has he?

We haven't got much time.

If there's pilot fish, then...

Why's there an apple in my dressing gown? That's Howard, sorry.

He keeps apples in his dressing gown? He gets hungry.

He gets hungry in his sleep? Sometimes.

Graaaargh! Aaargh!

Brain, collapsing!

But the pilot fish...

The pilot fish mean that something...

Something...

Something's coming.

Jackie, I'm using the phone line. Is that OK? Keep account of it.

It's midnight.

Christmas Day. Any change?

He's worse. Just one heart beating.

Scientists in charge of Britain's mission to Mars

have re-established contact with the Guinevere One Space Probe.

They're expecting the first transmission from the planet in the next few minutes.

We're back on schedule.

We've received a signal from Guinevere One.

The Mars landing would seem to be an unqualified success.

Is it true you completely lost contact earlier tonight?

Yes, we had a bit of a scare.

Guinevere seemed to fall off the scope, but it was just a blip, only disappeared for a few seconds.

She's fine now, absolutely fine.

We're getting the first pictures, transmitted live, any minute now.

I'd better get back to it, thanks.

Here we go, pilot fish.

They're scavengers, like he said. Harmless, they're just tiny.

But the little fish swim alongside the big fish.

D'you mean like sharks? Big sharks.

The Doctor means we've had them, now we get that.

Something is coming.

How close?

I don't know, but the pilot fish don't swim far from the daddy. So it's close?

Funny sort of rocks.

That's not rocks.

Coming live from the depths of space on Christmas morn.

The face of an alien life was transmitted live tonight on BBC One.

On the 25th of December, the human race has been shown absolute proof that alien life exists.

These remarkable images have been relayed across the world.

This way, sir.

Mr Llewellyn.

Mr Llewellyn, ma'am. Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.

Yes, I know who you are. Suppose I've ruined your Christmas.

Never off duty. Now, we've put out a cover story, Alex has been handling it.

We've said it was a hoax, some sort of mask or prosthetics,

students hijacking the signal, that sort of thing.

Alex is my right-hand man. I'm not used to having a right-hand man. I quite like it, though. So do I.

I don't suppose there is any chance it was a hoax? That would be nice. Then we could all go home.

I don't suppose anyone's offered you a coffee? Um, no. The transmission was genuine.

And this seems to be a new species of alien. At least, not one we've encountered before.

You seem to be talking about aliens as a matter of fact.

There's an Act of Parliament banning my autobiography. Prime Minister? I'm with you.

Miss Jacobs can explain.

We haven't been introduced. Harriet Jones, Prime Minister. Yes, I know who you are.

The transmission didn't come from the surface of Mars.

Guinevere One was broadcasting from a point 5,000 miles above the planet.

In other words, they've got a ship, and the probe is on board.

But if they're not from the surface, they might not be from Mars. Maybe they're not actual Martians.

Of course not. Martians look completely different.

We think the ship was in flight when they just came across the probe. And they're moving.

The ship's still in flight now. It's on the Hubble Array.

Moving in which direction? Towards us. How fast?

Very fast. What was your name again?

Sally.