Baskets

Jesus Christ!

- Bye. - George, you cannot be here.

You're rent is due. You must pay me.

- Again? - Yes.

George, when is this gonna stop?

You come to me every week about rent.

That's all you think about.

I think you might need to see a shrink or somebody.

This is the hotel. It's not free.

Yeah. You don't think I know that, George?

You charge $2.00 for a can of soda. $2.00!

That's illegal in the state of California.

Yeah, but I've given you three warnings now. Three.

Everything I get from the rodeo goes directly to you.

Yeah, but it's not enough.

Well, I don't know what to do.

You want to complain to the rodeo? Hit 'em up on Twitter.

What?

Hit 'em up on Twitter. I don't know, email 'em.

Ah, email, email. Listen, this is the final warning.

Pay me, or you must go.

George, I really think you need to see someone, okay?

I really do, George.

God!

Dale: Baskets career college presents

the series "How A Manager Manages."

Lesson 19.

Hey, Kevin, you wanted to talk to me?

Hey, Martha. Correspondence course.

Wow, I didn't know you went back to school.

- That's so great. - Yeah.

You just wait until your manager has a degree in management.

Wow, that is gonna be somethin'.

Um, you said that you wanted to see me.

Right. Uh, time to put my education to good use.

Uh, I just received a memo from upper management.

From Doug. You know Doug.

Yeah, Doug, he has the, um...

Black guy.

I was gonna say he has a scar on his face.

That's okay.

We all have our regular jobs here.

But we do have to sell executive memberships to the Costco club,

and Doug was looking through your file,

and apparently, you haven't sold one.

Um, to be honest, Kevin, I'm not really much of a salesperson.

I'm more of an insurance wiz.

I know, but... but Doug said you have to pull your weight

when it comes to the executive membership sales,

or else, you know...

He'd fire me?

That ax is mine... Mine to hold.

- Oh. - Yeah.

If I fired you, would you cry?

I might cry,

but I would wait until I was in my car.

Um, Kevin, are you okay?

I've never had to fire anyone before.

I've been practicing on myself.

Fired myself five times last night, and I can't do this.

Okay, well, don't worry. I won't put you through that.

I can sell one membership. That's easy.

Really? Thank you so much, Martha.

Um, if I can't sell a membership,

would it be easier for you if I just went missing?

Did you know that you can get a lot of money back?

Have you ever thought about how much money you can save...

What are you murmuring about, you maniac?

Hey, did you know that you could save all kinds of money with...

Oh, god, there's that word again!

Money, money, money, money, money!

So all this country talks about is money.

I'm sorry, I should not have yelled at you.

You're just making conversation.

What's wrong?

It's just I'm late on rent again.

It's something they don't teach you in clown college, that's for sure.

Well, I would loan you the money,

but I'm saving up to get this app.

So maybe your wife could loan it to you.

She'll just ask for it back right away.

Hmm. What about your brother?

I owe him $40 already.

Oh.

Hey, I know. You could ask your mom.

Never. No way.

Have you ever seen a knife this sharp

in your whole life?

I tell you one thing, I am not paying money

to thoses foreigners who run that flee bag motel

Mom, I wil pay you back. Okay?

I guess you can move in here?

Until you get on your feet.

- I can... - I appreciate the invitation, mom,

but I am a grown man.

What about you and Martha starting a greeting card company?

Have you seen the cost of greeting cards?

I paid $5.00 for a get well card.

Mom, I... I have a job.

I'm-I'm a clown. I just don't have the money.

You know, Chip, jobs are supposed to pay the bills.

That's why they're called jobs.

Man: How's that for cutting a bagel thin, huh?

- Pretty good. -

What about Arby's? Everyone's happy at Arby's.

Plus, bonus, curly fries.

That's a... That is a good bonus.

Do you love 'em?

I do love 'em.

What do you dip yours in?

Um, ketchup. Sometimes with blue cheese dressing.

- Oh, a mixer. - Yeah.

Wow, she's a wild one, Chip.

What's the seasoning on there?

I'm thinkin' paprika.

Man: Hey, step off, you punk ass hick!

Man: What do you even call that get up, kid?

ICP, bitches!

What the hell did you just call us?

Baskets, your boy here sure don't respect authority.

My boy?

He a damn clown, ain't he?

No, look at him. He looks like a lunatic.

Yeah, well, I caught him using the cowboy toilet.

Clowns piss outside. Come on.

They're right.

Clowns have to...

We have to urinate outside.

Just the way it is.

How old are you, son?

- 32. - Jesus Christ.

I thought you were, like, 13.

You ever been a clown before,

or is this just a way to meet rodeo chicks?

I just need the cash, Homey.

This rodeo shit's all I got for a guy that looks like me.

I can't make this work, then...

Then I'm gonna have to get a real job, 'cause right now I am ass out.

Hey, listen to me.

This is a real job.

Guys like us, we have to stick together. We all can be

florist or dishwashers, some of us have to be artist.

Nah, man. I'm just a Juggalo.

I'll train you.

What? You want to train me?

Yeah. I'm classically trained.

In Paris, which is in France, which is in Europe.

So, uh, you're in good hands.

Man, that's amazing, man. Mad clown love to you, brother.

Oh, mad clown love. You da bomb, man.

Yeah, you see there? My boy right here.

He gonna make me a fancy-ass French clown.

Y'all cowboys can suck chub.

- Okay. - Mm-hm.

That's good. We'll, uh...

We'll talk tomorrow.

Hey, Juggs.

If you want, you can, uh, wash the clown make up off.

I'll watch out for the cowboys.

You're kiddin', right?

Killer, this ain't make up.

This shit is my life.

Yeah.

Mad clown love.

Hi. I'll take a bag.

Thank you.

Okay, here we go.

Uh, now that we have a moment,

I was wondering, can I intercieve a Cosco executive membership.

The saving can be up to... What?

Okay, I gotta go. Sorry.

Okay, for our first lesson, we'll do a little

table top clowning, okay?

Let's do it.

So, you dip your finger in something,

you bring it to your nose.

Happens to smell bad. Get it away from me.

Ah, you accidentally hit your finger and...

Mm! And that's feces at the end of your finger, okay?

All right, give it a try.

All right. So... dip, smell.

Ooh. Uh-oh.

Ah!

You want some notes?

Please, yeah.

I'm not believing that your fingers smell bad.

It didn't read in your eyes.

This is a goof smell. It's something...

You don't know what it smells like really,

so when you stick your fingers in,

when you bring it to your nose,

your eyes are gonna have to tell the audience,

"Hey, I'm smelling something goofy!"

So you're gonna have to do a goof look in your eyes.

Maybe cross your eyes. Can you do that?

Like this?

Just looks like you're lookin' at tennis.

No, I'm doin' it.

No, no, you're just shifting your eyes like this.

Yeah, that's what crossing is, man.