Smorgasbord

OH-HO-HO!

HOO-HOO! HOO! HOO!

OOH, OOH, OOH! OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH!

HOO-HOO.

WHEW!

UHH!

ROOM SERVICE?

UH, THIS IS ROOM 612.

WOULD YOU PLEASE SEND UP A BUCKET OF ICE?

THANK YOU.

UH, COME IN.

COME IN!

Man: SIR, Y-YOUR DOOR’S LOCKED.

UHH. UHH.

READY?

HI-HO.

HEE HEE HEE.

OHH.

MMM. HMM.

AH.

WHEW!

OKAY.

HEH.

OOH.

OH.

[ MAN SINGING IN SPANISH IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE ]

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A PSYCHIATRIST BEFORE?

OH, I’M AFRAID NOT. NO.

AFRAID?

LET’S GET RID OF THOSE "FEAR" WORDS, MR. NEFRIN.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH. OKAY.

NO. NEVER.

NEVER?

ISN’T THAT A BIT FINAL?

HOW ABOUT JUST "NO"?

AH...

HOSTILITY.

I LIKE THAT.

YOU’RE GETTING BETTER ALREADY. HA HA.

WHY DON’T YOU GO LIE DOWN THERE ON THE COUCH?

WE CAN GET STARTED.

YOU SEEM A LITTLE RELUCTANT.

WELL, IT’S THE FLOOR.

I’LL HANDLE IT.

WHY NOT GET A LITTLE COZIER?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

NO, I’M NOT ALL RIGHT.

THAT’S WHAT I CAME TO SEE YOU FOR --

’CAUSE I’M NOT ALL RIGHT.

NOTHING I DO IS RIGHT.

I’M A MISFIT.

I DON’T FIT.

I’M A SQUARE PEG IN A ROUND HOLE.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT A "MISFIT" MEANS, DON’T YA?

THAT’S WHY I CAME TO SEE YOU.

I THINK YOU’LL BE MORE COMFORTABLE

IN THAT CHAIR OVER THERE.

OH. OH.

GOOD IDEA.

MISS ROSE, WOULD YOU PLEASE CANCEL

ALL OF MY APPOINTMENTS FOR TODAY.

NO. I’LL CALL THEM MYSELF LATER.

DID YOU HEAR FROM HARTMAN?

VERY GOOD.

YES, I UNDERSTAND.

SHE DID?

YOU CAN CALL HER.

VERY GOOD.

YES?

UH, WARREN...

WHY DON’T YOU JUST STAY RIGHT DOWN THERE

ON THE FLOOR?

NO, NO.

UH, WHY DON’T YOU TURN OVER?

NO, THE OTHER WAY --

ON YOUR BACK SO I CAN SEE YOU.

OH.

OKAY.

LET’S GET STARTED.

WARREN, WHEN DID YOU FIRST NOTICE

YOU WERE...UH...

A MISFIT?

THAT’S CLOSE ENOUGH.

IT STARTED A LOTTA YEARS AGO.

I CAN’T REMEMBER EXACTLY WHEN.

ALL I KNOW IS I DID NOTHING RIGHT.

EVERYTHING I DID WAS WRONG.

IT WAS AS THOUGH I WAS FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

EEHHHHH!

YEH, YEH, YEH, YEH, YEH!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

WHOA.

UM, MR. NEFRIN, YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER

WEREN’T, BY ANY CHANCE, RELATED TO EACH OTHER,

WERE THEY?

YOU KNOW, LIKE, COUSINS, MAYBE?

OH, NO. NOTHIN’ LIKE THAT.

THIS GOES BACK A LONG, LONG WAY BACK.

I MEAN, THIS GOES --

I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT AS FAR BACK

AS MY FRENCH ANCESTOR, JACQUES NEFRON.

JACQUES NEFRON WAS THE COACHMAN DRIVER

FOR THE MARQUIS HENRI DUBOIS AND HIS WIFE, MARIE.

I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT THE 15th CENTURY

IN FRANCE, EUROPE.

EH, JACQUES!

WHOA!

JACQUES!

NO, NO, NO, NO!

ICI.

AH, OUI, OUI.

EXACTLY.

YOU GOT IT.

TIMBER!

FINI!

MADAME, PARDON.

THE FACILITY READY NOW.

WHOA! THE HORSE!

HA!

ICI.

AH, TRèS BONNE, MADAME.

TSK, TSK, TSK, TSK.

POOR JACQUES.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

OH, THEY SENT HIM TO PRISON --

DEVIL’S ISLAND -- FOR LIFE.

I GUESS ESCAPE WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION.

OH, NO. HE TRIED IT MANY TIMES.

DID HE EVER PULL IT OFF?

OH, I’M SURE HE PULLED IT OFF.

THERE WAS NO WOMEN IN PRISON.

...IF I HAD SOME SULFUR. SUL-FERR.

THE BOOK OF MATCHES THEY DID NOT INVENT YET,

SO I USE THIS ROCK TO HAVE --

AH!

AHA!

CHAUD.

HOT. CHAUD.

IT’S A HOT CHAUD.

HA HA. HA HA.

CHAUD.

A HOT "SHOW."

HA HA HA HA HA.

WHERE I GET JAPANESE FROM?

GEE. AHHH.

TOO HOT.

OHHH. CHAUD.

WHEW!

FOIS.

AH.

LAUTREC, LAUTREC, LAUTREC.

MATISSE, MATISSE.

BAROQUE, BAROQUE.

HAIRCUT. TOUPEE.

Man: IT IS I, CLAUDE.