Mom

Did we just wake up at the exact same time?

I think we did.

We are totally in sync,

even when we're asleep.

We're cuter than otters.

And I thought marriage was gonna be terrible.

You don't need to say that every morning.

Well, I love that I can share my every thought with you.

You can.

But maybe sometimes you shouldn't.

For instance, the other day,

when you were telling me that my arms were getting flabby.

Oh. I just said that 'cause

I didn't want to push you up that hill.

So you weren't being mean, you were being lazy.

Can't I be both?

Better than anyone.

Mm.

What do you have planned today?

Oh, let's see.

I'm gonna take your shirts to the dry cleaner's,

fix Mr. Munson's freezer and... oh, yeah,

officially take your last name.

What's wrong with his freezer?

I think you missed the headline.

No, I heard you. But our freezer's been acting weird.

Could be the same thing.

Adam, I have an appointment at the Social Security office,

where I will fill out a government form.

After 22 years,

I am allowing myself to show up on the grid.

I know. That's a big step for you.

Yeah. Especially since there's a small chance

I might be arrested.

And if you do, I can't be forced to testify against you,

because I'm your husband.

That right there, that's why I want to be Bonnie Janikowski.

Cool. And keep me posted on that freezer thing.

Why are you acting like this isn't hugely important to you?

Whatever makes you happy, Bonnie.

It really doesn't matter to me.

Well, it matters to me and I'm doing it.

Smooth.

Hey.

No time.

All you had to do is say "hey" back.

I don't have time for "Hey, hey."

My boss thinks 15 minutes early is five minutes late,

and I still haven't finished proofreading those contracts.

Ah. I would've read those last night,

so I'd be prepared for work and be able to give my mother

the cheery good morning she deserves.

Veronica kept me at the office till 2:00 a.m.

She never gets tired.

She's like a machine that runs on yelling

and very expensive goat yogurt.

Well, whatever you do,

- just don't pull a Christy. - What's that mean?

You know, try hard for a little while and then quit.

How is that pulling a Christy?

I finished college, I'm in law school,

- I work three... - Oh, God, don't do the list.

- Hey! - Hey! See?

There was time.

The point is I am not gonna quit this.

She is a senior partner.

Her name is on the building.

If I do a good job,

maybe she hires me when I graduate.

Before you know it, I'm a judge

and then eventually a Supreme Court justice.

They seem okay with alcoholics now,

so I could actually have a shot.

*MOM* Season 07 Episode 03

*MOM* Episode Title : "Goat Yogurt and Ample Parking"

: Wow.

That was all kinds of bad idea.

Well, sorry, heart.

Christy!

- Coming. - Christy!

- Coming. - Christy!

- Coming. - Christy!

- Coming. - What took you so long?

Uh, I was, uh... I'm sorry. I had to adjust my skirt.

This zipper just wants to be in the front.

I need you to confirm my lunch at Malone's.

Also, pull the files

- on the Onyx Merger. - (grunts)

I need you to get my car detailed.

Don't take it to the place I don't like.

Come on.

Pick up my prescription at the pharmacy and get those cucumbers

out of my lemon water. Malone's, Onyx,

cucumbers, prescription. Schedule a

meeting for Thursday with Thad Edwards.

Thad, Thursday.

Check the court calendar to see which judge I landed

in the Higgins case.

If it's Barris, text me; if it's Johnson,

file for an extension; if it's Clarke, kill me now.

Can you just say all that again into my phone?

No!

Got it.

Hi, Ken.

Oh.

Hello, young lady.

I've been waiting for that all day.

Oh, look at those legs.

Mmm. All the way to the floor.

Hey, hey. You missed your chance.

I'm married now.

Ah, well, so am I.

Uh, it makes it more exciting.

NIKKI (in distance): You know, I can hear you!

The only thing that still works on her is the ears!

So, what you got?

Five shirts.

All right. The last name Plunkett.

Actually, I'm on my way to the Social Security office

where I will officially become Bonnie Janikowski.

Sheesh.

So, J-A-N-E...

- No. J-A-N-I-K... - L-Let's

- slow-slow down. J-A-N-E...

No. J-N-I-K...

Wait. J-A-N-I-K...

Wait, are-are you sure there's no "C"?

Well, now I'm not. All right, uh, uh...

- Give me a pen. I got to write this down. - All right.

Uh...

None of this looks right.

Okay, there. I think that's it.

Oh. So there is a "C"?

Damn it, just leave it Plunkett.

No. Disabuse your client of the notion

he is going to walk away from this thing with anything

that even resembles a win.

It's over and everyone knows it but you!

Hanging up!

: Hang it up!

I love watching you work.

Ugh, well, that's creepy. Take these.

Where is my prescription?

Oh, um, right here.

The pharmacist said to take them with a...

Yeah, I know how to take them. You want one? You want one.

What is it?

Adderall. We're all on it.

Get on it. You're sluggish.

Oh. No, thank you, but thank you, but no.

You sure?

Yeah.

Then get out!

- Get out! - O-Okay.

Get out! Get out! Okay.

- Okay. - Get out!

Do I seem sluggish to you?

Uh, today or every day?

Eh, it doesn't matter. Yes to both.

My boss and everyone else in the building is on uppers,

which is not safe, or fair.

How am I supposed to compete?

Sounds like someone's about to pull a Christy.

No, I'm not, and stop calling it that.

- (phone rings) - Hey, babe.

I'm at the grocery store. Do you need anything?

- I'm good. - Ooh.

Can you get some strawberries for my boss?

But not the big ones, the little tiny sweet ones.

She had them last spring in Capri,

and they were apparently magical.

: I'll do my best.

You know he's just gonna get you raspberries.

She's right.

How was the Social Security office, Mrs. Janikowski?

It was great.

The line moved quickly, there was ample parking,

and, uh, I made friends with a woman from Kuala Lumpur.

Awesome. See you at home.

Bye. Love you.

Look at you,

changing your name legally for once.

: Yeah, I didn't do it.

What?

You just lied to your brand-new husband?

I rescheduled, so technically

I just pre-told him tomorrow's truth.

What about the woman from Kuala Lumpur?

Well, it might happen. I'm a friendly person.

Another lie. Why didn't you go?

Eh, it just didn't feel like a good day to become Polish.

Bonnie, your turn to sweep. I pass.

You can't pass.

It's a hard pass.

Fine, I'll do it.

What are you doing?

Sweeping.

Yeah, I have three maids.

I don't think so.

Who taught you how to do that, a cartoon mouse?