Max & Leon (La Folle Histoire de Max et Léon)

- Hello. - Two berry kirs.

I want a peach one.

One blackcurrant, one peach.

You're French?

Yeah, so?

Oh, our outfits!

It's not what you think.

We're from here.

We get it.

Dressing like the occupier has its perks.

Know what we do to collaborators?

Aren't you Max, the delivery boy?

Yes, yes!

Good-for-nothing Max.

He rammed my fence.

Right, it's you.

- So you're Leon? - Yes.

- You rammed my daughter? - Yes.

Thought so.

No, it wasn't me.

- Who, Violette? - Right, Violette.

- She's my wife. - Lucky you.

No, Louise, my eldest.

Young love!

- Both? - Yeah.

But it was worth it.

I bet.

To Mâcon!

THE CRAZY ADVENTURES OF MAX & LEON

Tie 'em up, they'll come clean!

Get lost, kids. This is our spot.

How's the water?

- Freezing. - Winos!

Not at work?

Hittin' the sauce at 9 am?

09:00, already? Shit, I'm late!

- Aren't you late too, Leon? - No.

- Yes, you are. - Right, I am.

Don't forget I need a hand later. It's important.

Shit! No!

'Morning, Mr. Francis!

You're late!

Painting the town red again, no doubt!

Shakin' your ass and drinkin'!

See me drinkin'?

Listen up.

If you don't lose that big jerk,

you'll go nowhere.

Careful with the van.

Look at that idiot.

So clumsy. Head in the clouds.

Don't worry, Mr. Francis!

Shit! No!

Shit!

So, did you think?

Think?

About marriage!

Marriage?

Juliette...

I'm married to the wind.

I don't want to hurt you.

But I'll always be here to protect you.

Come here.

Leon!

Hi, Mr. Poitou!

You bum! You've had three days! Where's my fence?

It's coming along.

You're screwing with me.

I'll tweak a couple things.

C'mon, Mr. Poitou!

Scram.

Scram I am.

Wine! Wine! Wine!

Enjoy it, boys.

It's your last wine.

Closing time already?

The war.

It's headed our way.

Hell on earth.

What war?

We signed the Munich Agreement. We're fine.

We're wine!

Guess who?

My little fishmonger!

How'd you know?

Your voice.

Find us a table outside.

A nice little table.

She's gonna get it tonight.

You betcha.

What?

She's a bit light on top.

She puts out twice as much to make up for it.

I got the point.

Where are you at?

I do quality, not quantity.

'Evening.

Sorry!

Titties!

Forget it, her loss.

Michel, Michel!

Where were you guys?

You were supposed to help me at the orphanage.

- The kids were disappointed. - Really?

Come off it.

"He who selflessly extends his hand

"will be the greatest of all men.

"And he will receive in return

"without having to extend his hand."

You should see the wider world.

Make new friends.

Why leave Mâcon? We're big fish here.

People are different elsewhere.

We're gonna open a bar.

We'll make new friends here.

Max, you're fired.

Maybe not him.

Did you undress my wife?

Or him.

Fight!

My turn.

Right.

Here we go again.

Not the bottles, we paid a deposit!

Deposit this!

The bass drum!

You said I felt you up?

I'll teach you to fib.

Max? There you are.

I suggest we hightail it.

Ok.

Look, provisions.

Got us a table, Leon!

Shit, I'm late!

No, wait, I'm fired.

So... I'm married to the wind.

You know.

Chin up.

9 am already.

No, 10:00.

11:00?

Damn, what time is it?

Folks are gathering in the town square.

Was it you?

Nope, not me.

It was me?

It was me?

- What's up? - War's been declared!

Conscription Notice

Do we have to be on France's side?

'Fraid so. In a few days we'll all be in hell.

Most of us will die.

Machine-gunned down.

Blown up by landmines.

Crushed under tanks.

Torn apart by bombs.

Got any tricks to avoid the draft?

Yeah.

Spit it out!

- Next. - Fit for service.

Have a good war.

Next.

- I can't see a thing! - Behind you.

Right.

Hope I can fight anyway.

Hot damn!

Eyesight, fine.

Shit.

But we're orphans.

Wards of the State?

- Yes. - We're wards?

Our parents were killed in the Great War.

They suffered terribly.

Did they, now?

What year?

1922.

1922?

After the Armistice, dissidents kept fighting.

And when was the Armistice?

Bastille Day.

Hence, fireworks.

Listen up, you dodgers.

Unless you have a physical handicap,

you're going.

Is having one ball a handicap?

- What? Shut up! - Pipe down.

It certainly is.

I have one ball!

If you consider embarrassment a handicap.

But it won't stop you from fighting.

Next.

Thanks a lot, Leon. We're screwed.

Relax.

- Got all your balls? - Yes.

There they are, my little chickadees!

So you're in?

The pride of the Nation.

Let's hide our pride in your cellar.

Speaking of cellars, I brought you a gift.

Your worst plonk.