2 Broke Girls

Here you go.

And I hope you enjoyed dinner and the show.

The show being me pretending I'm happy as a waitress.

Caroline, where is Max?

And I've already checked the bowels of hell.

Yeah, I know where I work.

Max is going to be late today

'cause she got stuck on the subway.

But you said yesterday she was late

because she was stuck on the subway.

No, I believe I said yesterday she got stuck under the subway.

Oleg, a little help.

Oh, Max?

Today she got stuck on a bus.

And you said that the day before yesterday.

- Earl? - She got stuck between the moon

and New York City.

I know it's crazy, but it's true.

Sorry I'm late.

I couldn't find our cat, Nancy.

Also, I was stuck on the bus or under the subway.

Unless they told you something different,

then I was doing that.

Oh, come on. That excuse was less satisfying

than the end of Serial.

Max, really, what do you take me for?

Well, I know where I can't take you.

On the big rides at Disneyland.

Nancy still hasn't come home.

I'm freaking out.

She's the only thing I love.

Whatever.

I had a cat once. He was cool.

He was black and very sexually active.

Oh, wait, the cool cat I'm talking about was me.

Earl, be careful, at your age, you could die having sex.

I know.

Those ladies don't know whether I'm coming or going.

I think Nancy might be gone for good.

I just can't believe she didn't take me with her.

We had a deal.

Max, she'll come back to the apartment,

even if she doesn't want to.

I mean, I always do.

I am not surprised you're not worried.

You never really liked Nancy.

You call her "that cat."

As in, "that cat" peed on my pillow.

While I was sleeping on it, Max.

Well, blame me. I got her drunk.

Hey, everybody!

Look, girls, I got your pussy in my purse.

Either that's a cat, or you two got to keep better track

of your belongings.

Yay!

That cat's back.

See, Max?

I am excited.

Oh, I missed you so much.

Oh, yes, I did.

That's not Nancy.

That is a boy.

Well, Max, sorry I don't check out a cat's junk

the second it comes through the door.

Yeah, you only look at the face.

That's the difference between you and me.

See, look, the name tag says "Cinnamon."

No wonder that little girl kept crying and saying,

"Give me Cinnamon, Give me Cinnamon."

I looked her right in the eye and I said,

"I don't carry spices in my purse."

Max, you are completely overreacting.

- It's just a... - Oh! Just a what?

Say it!

- It's just a cat. -

You!

Hey, I'm the one who fronted us that dollar to get her name tag.

Thanks to me, someone's gonna pick her up,

look at it, and say, "Oh, you must be lost,

little... cat."

Nancy! Her name's Nancy!

I know her name!

It got momentarily pushed out of my head

to make room for those 1,600 cupcake T-shirts

we can't unload or pay for.

You think I don't wake up screaming

four or five nights a week about those T-shirts?

But I know our cat's name.

You don't wake up at night ever.

No, I sleep like a dead baby, it's my one gift.

Oh, the phone!

Unknown number. This could be it!

I like my numbers like my condom expiration dates, unknown.

Hello?

- Yes? - Who is it, Max?

You have her? Yay!

Oh, sure, great.

- Thank you. - He has her?

He has Nancy?

Please, too little, too late.

Max, we're in $10,000 worth of debt

and you spent money on new kitty litter?

Relax, I'm going to pee in it, too.

Well, I guess it beats that Sprite bottle

you've been using in your bedroom.

It's just such a long walk to the bathroom

that every time I have to go,

it's like I'm raising money for MS.

Oh, I have good news.

I found your lost bra in the litter box.

Don't think I'm not still wearing it.

I mean, why not?

I ate a hot dog that rolled under a car the other day.

I left a couple of big clumps in,

just to help you out a little.

Oh, okay, that's Nancy.

Here's a chance for a fresh start for you two.

And don't bring up the bra, we don't know why she wanted it,

but I'm sure she had her reasons.

Fine, I'll be on my best behavior.

But you watch and see how she treats me.

It's a two-way street.

Hi, I have your cat.

And surprisingly, your doorknob.

Oh, that gum wore out already?

Hi, buddy!

Hi, I'm Caroline. This is Max.

Thank you so much for bringing back...

- Nancy! - I know!

And please note, she did not even look at me.

Hi. I'm Owen.

Well, we are "Owen" you a big thank-you.

Kind of low on cash, how would you feel

about 1,000 cute cupcake tees?

Yeah, I don't need 1,000 pink T-shirts.

My dad's already mad at me I don't care about sports.

How do you get this thing open?

We usually just take Nancy around

in an old vacuum cleaner bag.

Also doubles as my "going out" purse.

Pardon me, may I get past?

Oh, manners.

In our doorway?

I don't know what to do.

What's next, a front stoop with no discarded heroin needles?

Yeah, I just came up there.

Not today.

Here, let me help.

I mean, I'm the dumb one who paid $2,000 for a cat carrier.

Hmm. I miss being that stupid.

You know, my cat can't get this open either.

It must be the lack of thumbs.

Rich, funny, and in a suit at 9:00 A.M.?

I really don't know what to do.

You know, my cat, Dickens, loves your cat.

Oh, Dickens, after the author?

Dickens, after the author, Max.

Yeah, I know who that is.

The guy who wrote Muppets Christmas Carol.

There. I knew I'd get it.

'Cause I have thumbs.

Oh, there she is.

- - Yes.

So I take it by the cat, you're single?

Big time.

So, do you and Dickens live alone?

Oh no, she's trying to flirt.

I travel a lot for work.

I'm a venture capitalist.

So you know how it is.

Oh, I do. I absolutely do.

- I... - Here it comes.

- Went to Wharton. - Boom.

Well, if she gets lost again, you know where to find her.

She's been hanging around outside our window

every day for the last couple of months.

So I let her in. I hope that's okay.

Is that okay? It's awesome.

I hope your girlfriend didn't mind.

We just broke up.

So I'm single.

And I better get going.

I've got a 10:00 meeting.

Max, give the man his case.

He has a 10:00 meeting.

She doesn't want to get out of cushy this thing.

I totally get it.

I had to be dragged out of that massage chair

at Brookstone by mall security.

Well, here's my card, just give me a call

when you want me to pick up the case.

You have a card?

A card, a meeting, a suit, a joke?

Are you the next bachelor?

Well, thank you, Owen Charles Boyd,

for bringing back our beloved...

- Her name's Nancy! - I know her name.

Why do I have to say it so fast?

She's joking, she's just not as funny as you.

Well, it was nice to meet you.