New Girl

You know how a computer is this big.

What if a computer was...

this big?

The size of a man's hand.

And it had a camera in it,

and you could take self pictures,

and it also had a phone.

So you could store...

It's kind of a good idea.

- Draw it up by noon. - Quit bossing me around.

This makes me impatient.

And it makes me also so furious.

I need... 45 minutes away from you.

And then we can be best friends again.

Don't follow me out.

So, as you guys know, Schmidt and I are business partners.

We've been working on an idea we're very excited about.

We e-mailed our plans to a guy in China,

and the prototype is here.

And... we've got a pitch meeting set up

- with Lori Greiner. - From QVC?

- That the one. - That's right.

You know, Fawn and I were paired with her

in a charity golf tournament.

You know, they laughed at me for playing the ladies' tees,

but it paid off.

She's a shark.

Ha! A shark golfing.

Now I'd buy that T-shirt.

Friends, imagine yourself in this scenario.

- You're at the local gymnasia. - Oh...

You're schvitzing up a storm.

Suddenly, you get a text message.

There's an emergency wedding down at the town hall.

But what'll I wear? I mean, I'm sweating at the gym.

Huh, I don't know what's going on. I love this.

Ladies and gentlemen,

- may I present to you... - Game time.

- The Swuit! - The Swuit!

Ugh.

The Swuit. The Swuit.

It's a suit made entirely of sweat suit material.

- Well? - This is it?

- What do you guys think? - This looks like garbage. It looks like garbage.

- I don't think it looks like... relax. - Nick, it looks like garb...

- It's embarrassing. Put it away. - The bottoms aren't great, but the top...

Well, I like it.

I mean, I like you guys.

All right, I'm gonna go throw this out.

No, don't throw it away!

Why, you want to wear it?

No.

No, no, no, no.

No.

He said, "Do you want to wear it?"

No, I just...

I think... I was gonna put it

in the Goodwill bin at school.

As lining for the bottom.

- Get rid of it. It's a piece of crap. - We're-we're screwed.

Guys, you're starting a business.

There are gonna be some setbacks.

We don't have enough time, okay?

I'm running out of vacation days,

and our pitch meeting with Lori is on Friday.

Friday?!

You never told me Friday. He never told...

- Guys... - I told you a hundred times it was on Friday.

That sounds like it could be right, yeah.

Could be Friday. Yeah.

Now we need another good idea in four days.

Ah, I can't work under pressure like this.

You know that I get nervous.

I am just a man. I am not a god.

Uh, I think we're all aware of that.

Why you talking like that?

Like what?

Well, we're all aware of that.

Guys, stop fighting!

You're upsetting Winston.

It's so early.

You made me swallow my night guard.

Oh, please, it's a paperclip with gum wrapped around it.

We're in a crunch.

Good morning!

Made you guys some brain food.

Ah, thank you.

I'm supposed to hang out with Kai later

and do nothing. This'll help.

No time. The pitch is on Friday.

I'm gonna need one good idea

every 20 seconds.

Ugh.

- Oh, you're gonna time me now? - Yes.

It'll help you concentrate.

It's too beepy-boppy.

Well, it's brain music.

Go.

Look away.

This is exciting.

I feel like I'm in the garage at Cupertino.

This sounds like the video in middle school

that taught me about periods.

And time!

All right.

Let's see what you got.

"I am the Karduthian champion of... of dance."

"Beer bread."

Beard bread.

Bread that is in your beard.

That's an... that's an invention?

Or is that just something that happens to you?

You think Hewlett had to put up with this crap

from Packard? Again.

Oh, now I'm Packard? Enough!

You can't come up with a good idea being all loosey-goosey.

Why don't you tell that to Howard Hughes,

the inventor of the Loose Goose?

That was the Spruce Goose, and it didn't work!

It did work!

It flew for over a mile at an altitude of 72 feet!

How on Earth do you know that information

and not know the name of it?

I don't want to stick my nose in someone else's rose,

but what I'm hearing

is two very passionate partners

with two totally different approaches.

- You hit the nail right on the head! - That is a correct assessment

- of what is going on right now. - And thank you for breakfast!

I'm gonna shove this bacon right in my mouth

and savor it for life.

That omelette was so delicious!

You know what, you guys are saying really nice things to me,

but you're both shouting...

Such a delicious omelette!

The presentation's fantastic!

One of the most delicious things I've ever had.

You've outdone yourself.

Definitely appreciated!

- Don't follow me. - Don't follow me!

All they care about is who's the boss.

Of course that's all they care about, Jess.

It's a guy thing. It's in our DNA.

Look, Nick's not gonna let Schmidt boss him around,

and vice versa.

Don't get me started on the male power dynamic.

I will talk your ear off.

They're being such dudes right now.

It's, like, all about

who's got the bigger you-know-what.

Oh, I do know what.

Yeah. Yeah.

What can we do to make them collaborate?

You can eliminate their you-know-whats.

That was a joke.

You want to hang out tonight and have ninja turtle sex?

What's ninja turtle sex?

Sex with backpacks on.

Oh, sex with backpacks on!

Yes, I would love to, but I can't.

I got to do some work, or Schmidt will put me

in the "Think Harder" box,

which is basically just a refrigerator box

that he hits with a baseball bat.

Gets me to think harder.

Talk later?

- Yeah. - Great.

I really hope that you enjoyed your service today,

and please come back...

Okay.

Thanks a lot, big spender.

You should probably show some clavicle.

No. I need bigger tips.

They're raising my college tuition,

and if I don't come up with the money by Friday,

I got to drop out.

So I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Wow, Cece, look.

I mean, we're your friends.

If you want, I can give you money.

You can give her money.

I ain't giving her a damn thing...

I think what Coach is trying to say

is that he will also give you money.

Look, that's very sweet,

but the last thing I want is charity, okay?

And don't tell Jess, because she just

goes nuts anytime she thinks I need money.

So I don't think I can afford to go home for my aunt's birthday.

You need money? I'm selling my hair!

Oh! Hi. Hello!

You're a handsome fella.

Can I interest you in a drink or...

Oh, you suck!

We got to do something.

Winston, for the first time in my life,

I'm not 100% broke,

and you want me to give my money away?

No, sir.

She said she didn't want charity.