Teenage Bounty Hunters

Hi.

- Hi. - Hey.

- Morning! - Hey, Sweetie.

See you Sunday!

Oh, my God!

You never get used to the smell, do you?

I was opening up my shop for the day,

and I saw him there with his head cut...

clean off of his body.

Sterling, you've been fixing your hair

for the past eight minutes now.

If your hairline gets any more symmetrical,

people are gonna think you got plugs.

Can you walk me into school today?

I would, but I'm really trying to own my identity

as a single American. Jennings and I were so codependent.

Codependent like the two of us? Is that bad?

Oh, God no, your breath is my life.

I'm surprised my love for you didn't absorb you in the womb.

Me neither. I would absorb you right now if I could.

Totally.

But, for real, I gotta get to lacrosse conditioning.

I have never felt this much dread going to school before.

This must be how dumb kids feel or, like... substitutes.

You're making too much out of this.

You know how the 24-hour news cycle works.

I'm sure by now, your "sex thing"

is back page to Coach Boone finally getting her eye un-crossed.

She looks so much better.

I don't know, I kind of liked how her left eye was all, like,

"Fuck you, I'm going this way."

No, I can't do it.

Okay, let's go.

No more mirror time.

Just know I'm praying for you.

Sterling! What a surprise to see you at Fellowship.

I'm not sure that today is a good day for you to join us.

Emotions are still pretty raw right now.

Welcome, come on in. Hi.

Help yourself to a chicken biscuit.

Made fresh.

What are you talking about?

Some students are having trouble

processing your erotic transgressions.

The betrayal, the graphic depiction of events.

I never depicted...

Oh, I had Ezequiel show them what you and Luke did, using dolls.

He was pretty spot on with your voices.

It was quite upsetting.

We're actually having a grief counselor come in.

Well, when should I come back?

I'll have to get back to you.

I know it's hard, but try to remember:

Isaiah 43:2

"When you pass through the waters,

God is with you."

I know Isaiah!

Stay strong, Sterling.

You'll get through this.

Hey, those chili dogs were really good earlier, right?

Were they? I don't even know anymore.

Come on, pull yourself together. Things aren't that bad.

Oh, thank the Lord. Where have you been?

Do you know how humiliating it is

sitting here alone, like a couple of lepers?

Why aren't you sitting with your buddies from the golf team?

How can we trust anything you say anymore?

"Sterling and I are waiting until marriage.

Our temptations will never be as strong as our faith."

Apparently, that was all just locker room talk!

- You fornicator! - Watch your mouth!

I trusted you! We all did!

Cheese and crackers! Franklin, you need to sit down, right now.

Fight me in the shower, bitch. Come on!

- Franklin... Franklin! - Get out of my way!

What's wrong with him?

They took away my captainship.

They took my Crusaders Captain Club cozy

and they threw it on the floor!

My grandfather...

My grandfather was captain of the golf team here at Willingham,

and my dad, and my brother.

I was supposed to follow in their footsteps

and play golf at UGA. Go, Dogs!

Go, Dogs!

Now that dream is dead.

And without a team,

without men to lead to victory,

I have nothing.

What about me? I'm a social pariah.

I'll spend the rest of my high school days without any friends.

Hey, guys, come on!

Buck up!

Luke, there are a ton of other sports here at Willingham.

Pick another one and make new buds.

And Sterling, if those dorks at Fellowship are gonna judge you,

then screw them! Who cares what they think?

Blair, not caring about what people think is your thing, okay?

I care a lot!

Okay, well, Fellowship is just one clique.

There are plenty of other groups that you could slide into.

Okay, maybe you're right.

New friends, let's see.

Um...

Well, there's the band kids.

But I play harp,

and that's gonna be really hard to carry in formation.

Um...

Ooh, what about the bad kids?

They're kinda cool, in, like, a sketchy, alt kind of way.

The bad kids?

Are you sure you can handle that?

I mean, I toyed with the idea

of hanging with them for a minute, but...

They smoke.

Yeah, smoking is gross, but what choice do I have?

Um...

Do you have black eyeliner and one of those little nose rings

that cartoon bulls have?

We'll do some light styling.

Yeah!

It's too small.

Dude, you should get that throat thing checked out.

It could be enlarged adenoids.

Yeah, it's actually super dangerous.

It's like a chandelier hanging in the back of your throat.

If you choke on it, you could die.

Yeah. Well, I was clearing my throat

to get your attention off of whatever idiotic Jonas Brothers bullshit

you were staring at on your phone.

- Jonas Brothers? - Yeah.

Because I'd like to review our skip.

It's a bit of a dated reference though, Bowsie.

Although, they got together recently.

They put out a new album.

- I did not like it. - All right.

Clea Kincaid, twenty-four years old,

recent graduate of SCAD.

About six months ago,

she was arrested for cutting the head off a Confederate statue.

Her first victim...

was General Buford Leslie Woodlawn in Macon.

She was arrested.

She posted bail.

She skipped her court date

and has been on the lam ever since.

- Lamb? - Lamb of God!

I have taught her something!

Yeah, it's so loud in your room.

Yeah, on the Lamb of God.

I got video from the night she was arrested.

Have a comment, Clea?

Yeah, I've got a comment.

You get that?

Dang! This lady's a badass.

She's a very good dancer.

Okay, and she's continued beheading statues

while she's on the loose.

For the last three weeks,

she's hit a different statue every single night.

So, it's our job to figure out which one she's gonna hit next,

and arrest her in the act.

Shouldn't be too hard.

I mean, how many Confederate statues can there be in Atlanta?

One hundred and seventy four.

- Dang! - Dang! They know the South lost, right?

It is so weird what people get nostalgic for.

"Weird," "racist." Whatever you want to call it.

Exactly. Bowser, how can you want to arrest this woman?

Don't you support what she's doing?

You know... for black people.

She's a skip.

I don't see black or white.

All right? My motto is,

"You take the assignment, you bring in the fugitive."

Your motto is, "The road to Heaven is paved with sprinkles."

That's my yogurt motto! I'm talking about my bounty motto.

Sterl, you can't be on board with this, right?

You know, I'm having a really rough time lately

and bounty hunting is the one thing that actually makes sense to me.

So can we please just do our job?

Fine.

But I'm not gonna cuff her.

And I'm bringing a snack for her ride to jail.

Something... Sour Patch.

Last night's statue was here.

General Tobias Xavier Mulch.

Hey, I know that statue.

It's right near Franklin High.

That's where Sterling debated Tammy Rutledge so hard

she got her period.

Well, technically, I lost due to points,

but I count Tammy getting a stress-induced menstruation as a win.

- So... - I got it.

What you got?

I see a pattern.

It's a penis.

Oh, God, I think we're gonna need outside help for this.

You know, our dad gets mailers

from the Confederate Historical Society here in town.